Reclaiming the Fire: How Successful People Overcome Burnout

213 Pages·2001·1.02 MB·English

by  Steven Berglas

ALSO BY DR. STEVEN BERGLAS
Your Own Worst Enemy: Understanding
the Paradox of Self-Defeating Behavior
Self-Handicapping: The Paradox That
Isn’t
The Success Syndrome: Hitting Bottom
When You Reach the Top
RECLAIMING
THE FIRE
RECLAIMING
THE FIRE
How Successful People Overcome
Burnout
DR. STEVEN BERGLAS
RANDOM HOUSE / NEW YORK
Contents
1. People Who Hit Bottom When They Reach the Top
2. Success Depression and Encore Anxiety
3. Why So Many Baby Boomers Suffer Supernova Burnout
4. Pyrrhic Revenge: “I Hope This Hurts You More Than It Hurts Me”
5. If at First You Do Succeed, Try Thinking Like a Woman
6. Toward Resolving the Paradox of Supernova Burnout: How the
Enchantment with Success Became an Obsession
7. The Goldilocks Dilemma: Embracing Challenge, Innovation, and
Change
8. Generativity: Developing People, Not Building Monuments
9. True Happiness Is a Verb
Acknowledgments
Notes
Copyright Page
For Jennifer—
my gift from God
A way of life cannot be successful so
long as it is mere intellectual conviction.
It must be deeply felt, deeply believed,
dominant even in dreams.
—B R
ERTRAND USSELL
RECLAIMING
THE FIRE
CHAPTER 1
People Who Hit Bottom When They Reach
the Top
Few highly successful people contact a mental health professional unless they
experience a crisis. Actually, most successful professionals, even in the throes of
a crisis, are loath to admit to needing a “shrink.” The vast majority of my clients
are referred to me by third parties who sense that without professional help the
crisis that their colleague, friend, or lover is suffering will get worse. Given the
energy expended to get a successful person to accept the need for a
psychotherapist, corporate consultant, or executive coach, some may find it odd
that the first thing I do when meeting a new referral is attempt to illustrate the
two ironies of his or her situation.
The first irony lies in the fact that no successful person I can think of became
successful without conquering some form of crisis. Career success signifies an
ability to overcome obstacles, to persevere in the face of competitive threats, to
adapt to change, and to endure grueling periods of deprivation. Someone who
succeeds must have experienced the travails of (1) acquiring a new or
specialized skill, (2) perfecting skills in order to display talents and abilities in a
stellar fashion, or (3) deconstructing the status quo (as an entrepreneur, artist,
inventor) and creating a new paradigm or prototype of excellence. Successful
people are conquerors, so when they come to see me, the first thing I do is
remind them of that fact. This reminder sets the stage for helping them
understand why they are at a point where they can no longer do—or refuse to do
—what they once did superbly.
The second irony involves the self-defeating nuances of meaning every
successful person imposes on the idea of “crisis.” When I begin treating people
who suffer success-induced disorders, I try to help them accept the fact that
connotations can kill. I start by showing them the Chinese symbol for crisis,
which consists of two intertwined characters: the symbol for “danger” and the
symbol for “opportunity.” To help successful people in crisis help themselves,
my job is to move them away from focusing on danger and help them begin
focusing on opportunity.
Finding opportunity in crisis is not a facile fortune cookie cure. Crisis need
not connote impending catastrophe; it can be understood as a turning point, a
choice point, an opportunity for change. One patient of mine who read tarot
cards as a hobby pointed out that the “death card” has a similar duality: loss plus
generative potential. As Picasso allegedly observed, “Every act of creation is
first of all an act of destruction.”
We suffer loss and opportunity throughout our lives, yet during our youth
these events do not typically precipitate crises. When adolescents lose the
protective status of being minors (at approximately the time we begin our search
for identity), they typically focus on opportunity and feel elated. What freedoms
adulthood holds! To drive a car. To hold an esteem-building job outside the
sheltering (and at times restrictive) protection of the nuclear family. To date. It is
undeniable that when something familiar dies, the loss arouses anxiety, but it is
always possible to find exhilarating challenges before you. The key is to
understand them as such and not focus on the potential threats they impose.
Being pushed from any nest is unsettling, but contrast the entrapment of the nest
with the freedom of flight!
A paradox of success lost on successful people in crisis is how constraining,
tedious, and demanding their ostensibly favorable status is. There is great danger
in abandoning the tried and true; to be a rookie after enjoying years as a
superstar exposes you to humiliation and shame should you fail to live up to the
image you’ve created. But what about the danger inherent in never freeing
yourself from Sisyphean monotony? What about the danger inherent in not
expanding your horizons or failing to actualize untapped potential? You know
what they say about the tortoise who cannot get anywhere without sticking his
neck out? It is safer within one’s shell of success, but at what cost?
So people come to see me after a proven history of mastering crisis, yet they
feel impotent to address a new one. They (or those who have referred them) seek
my help to cope with perceived threats, despite knowing that they have mastered
the dangers inherent in striving for success. When successful people visit me for
the first time, they are aware of only the potential for loss, the potential for pain,
the potential for shame. These are the concerns of people coming to grips with
the syndrome I call Supernova Burnout.