Read my lips : a complete guide to the vagina and vulva

244 Pages·2011·4.54 MB·English

Read My Lips
Read My Lips
A Complete Guide to
the Vagina and Vulva
Debby Herbenick, PhD
and
Vanessa Schick, PhD
ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD PUBLISHERS, INC.
Lanham • Boulder • New York • Toronto • Plymouth, UK
Published by Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.
A wholly owned subsidiary of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.
4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706
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Estover Road, Plymouth PL6 7PY, United Kingdom
Distributed by NATIONAL BOOK NETWORK
Copyright © 2011 by Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or
mechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems,withoutwrittenpermission
from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Herbenick, Debby.
Readmylips:acompleteguidetothevaginaandvulva/DebbyHerbenickandVanessaSchick.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-4422-0800-1 (pbk.) — ISBN 978-1-4422-0802-5 (electronic)
1. Vulva—Popular works. 2. Vagina—Popular works. 3. Women— Health and hy-
giene—Popular works. I. Schick, Vanessa, 1982– II. Title.
RG268.H47 2011
612.6'28—dc23
2011019793
The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National
Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/
NISO Z39.48-1992.
Printed in the United States of America
This book is dedicated to the many men and women whose stories have inspired
us to think about vulvas and vaginas in complex and intricate ways.
We hope that Read My Lips will do the same for some of you.
Acknowledgments
We would like to thank our editor, Suzanne Staszak-Silva, for helping to turn our quirky
bookfilledwithcraftsandpunsintoareality.Thankyouforyourpatience andyourcon-
fidence in our work. We are enormously grateful to our fantastic agent, Kate Lee, whose
advice and encouragement were instrumental. Of course, no matter how many words we
used, a description of a vulva can never measure up to a picture of one. Thank you to
everyone who filled this book with images: Christopher M. Brown, Catherine Johnson-
Roehr, Rachel Liebert, Melissa Nannen, and Maleese N. Schick.
We feel fortunate to be surrounded by colleagues who inspire us daily. In particular,
we would like to thank Michael Reece, Brian Dodge, and everyone at the Center for
SexualHealthPromotionfortheirenthusiasm,theirwillingnesstolistentoandgivefeed-
back on our ideas, and the way they embrace our vulva puppets and other unique of-
fice decor. We would like to thank David Lohrmann and Mohammad Torabi, who have
established an academic work environment in which our research and creative interests
are able to thrive. We are also appreciative of the support we have received from Jenny
Bass, Dennis Fortenberry, Carol McCord, Heather Rupp, Stephanie Sanders, and Shawn
Wilson, among others. We would be remiss not to thank Chelsea Heaven for her careful,
conscientious work.
Thisbookwouldnothavebeenpossiblewithoutthemanywomenandmenwhohave
inspired us at different points in our personal and professional development. Although
not limited to the following, we like to acknowledge the work and vision of (in alphabet-
ical order) Joani Blank, Virginia Braun, Judy Chicago, Betty Dodson, Eve Ensler, Nick
andSayakaKarras,DorrieLane,RachelLiebert,CarolQueen,WrennaRobertson,Carlin
Ross, Annie Sprinkle, Elizabeth Stewart, Leonore Tiefer, and Chris Veasley.
We would like to express our heartfelt gratitude to everyone who took the time to
share personal stories about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences with vulvas and va-
ginas, whether for Read My Lips or for the various research projects we have conducted
over the years.
Vanessa would like to thank everyone who has supported or inspired her along this
spectacularjourney.First,shewouldliketothankherphenomenalco-author,DebbyHer-
benick, who made this possible. There is only enough light for everyone to share if you
open your door and let others in. She is forever grateful for Debby’s encouragement,
guidance, humor, and perpetual kindness. She would also like to thank her graduate ad-
visor,AlyssaZucker,whoencouragedhertofollowherpassion;LainaBay-Cheng,who
continuouslychallengedhertothinkaboutthingsinnewandcomplexways;andMaria-
Cecilia Zea, who urged her to see the potential in herself. On a personal note, Vanessa
would like to thank her friends and family for all of their support, love, and friend-
shipthroughoutthisprocess.Sheisparticularlygratefultothefollowing:Ashley,Bindi,
Geneva,Heather,Jenn,Kelly,andMarcelafortheirconstantfriendship,encouragement,
and quick feedback on the cover. Vanessa would also like to thank Sarah, for being the
amazing person she is both professionally and personally. She makes quirky seem nor-
mal.Russell/Thaddeus,foralwaysbeingpatient,proud,andthebiggestbigheadshehas
everknown.M.T.McGillicutty,for(sometimes)holdingitduringlongwritingsessions
and cuddling even when she didn’t want to. Her many brothers and sisters, who inspire
her in ways they can only imagine. Her aunt Bobbie, who always says the right thing
at the right moment. Her belated grandmother and step-mother, for always being out-
spokenandstrong.Herfather,forencouraginghertoworkhardatwhatshebelievedin.
Her mother, for believing in her and inspiring Vanessa to make her journey her own.
Debby would like to thank the following individuals for their particular support of
her vulva and vagina outreach: Vanessa Schick, for bringing her talent, brilliance, and
spunktoIndianaUniversity,andforbeinganamazingco-authoronthisbook;Stephanie
Sanders,forbeingthefirstmentortosupportherinterestinvulvovaginalresearch;June
Reinisch, for pointing her in the direction of positive vulva references in historical texts
and for her enthusiastic mentorship; the late Joe Miller, for his support of her initial re-
searchaboutattitudestowardwomen’sgenitals;TyraBanks,forinvitingDebbytoshare
her vulva puppet and vulvovaginal information with her television audience; Kareen
Gunning, for her commitment to educating the masses about women’s health and sexu-
al health; Patty Brisben, for her passionate support of research and education related to
women’s sexual health; Dan Savage, for enduring assorted vulva-related conversations
and puppetry; and Annie, Debbie, Joyce, Mary, and Paulene, for their steadfast support,
dependability,andgoodnatures.Inaddition,Debbywouldliketoexpressherenormous
gratitudetohermotherandsisterfortheirconsistentsupportduringthepastdecade-plus
ofhervagina/vulvaoutreachjourney.Shewouldliketoacknowledgethememoryofher
maternal grandmother who encouraged her in the study of women’s sexual health and
vulvovaginal perceptions, and her father who was one of her biggest sources of support
in all areas of life. She is grateful to Jezebel, who stayed up late with her while writ-
ing, to those who have helped her to love her vulva and vagina (including the dozens of
women, such as Jada, Sarah, and Jessica, with whom she worked on The Vagina Mono-
logues), and her gynecologist, who has helped her to care for it. Finally, Debby would
like to thank Ariane, Brooke, Brandon, Rachel, Kate, Tom, Ben, Susie, Erica, Roberta,
and Jimmy, all of whom have shown their support by listening to vulva/vagina stories,
helping to select cover designs, or making space for her to write this book. No one,
however, has listened to as many vulva stories or made as much space for this work (or
for vulva craft projects) as James, for whom she is eternally grateful.
With much vulva love to you all,
Debby & Vanessa
Introduction
It was a warm November evening as the sun set in San Juan, Puerto Rico. The ocean
crashed in the background as a light breeze swept through the air. If this sounds like the
makings of a magical night, it was indeed: this is the night that we (Debby and Vanessa)
first met. But this isn’t a love story—at least, not the kind you might expect.
We were both in San Juan, Puerto Rico, attending the annual meeting of the Society
for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. Although the field of sexuality researchers is small,
thenumberofpeoplewhostudysocialandculturalissuesrelatedtovaginasandvulvasis
even smaller and was almost non-existent several years ago. Therefore, we assumed that
like other conferences, we would probably be the only vulva researchers there. We were
wrong.Wehadbeenattheconferenceforjustminuteswhenacolleaguewhowasfamili-
arwithbothofourworkintroducedus.Ittookjustonephrasetobondusinstantaneously,
and it went something like this: “You two should meet— you both study vaginas.”
So yes, this is a love story about vulvas and vaginas.
Once we met, it wasn’t long before we realized how much we had in common: we
had both conducted our dissertation research on women’s genitals, and we both have
stuffed vulva puppets and books with titles like Cunt and The V Book lining our of-
fice bookshelves. With these mutual interests, it was only a matter of time—less than a
year—beforewefoundawaytoworktogether,thankstoVanessatakingapositionatthe
Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, where Debby had been work-
ing for several years. Shortly thereafter, the idea for Read My Lips was born, and after
much work, brainstorming over lunches, and 2 a.m. email exchanges, it’s now in your
hands.
Thisbookisforanyonewhohasavulva,lovessomeonewithavulva,hascomefrom
a vagina, or is just plain curious about these parts. Through our research and education
efforts,wetrytobetterunderstandthediversewaysinwhichwomen’sgenitalsaretalked
about (or not), and we try to help women and men learn about this important part of the
female body in terms of health, sex, pleasure, culture, and art. In addition to working as
scientificresearchers,wealsofeelpassionatelyaboutspreadingthewordtoothers,which
is why we decided to write a book to share with the world. We like to refer to this as va-
gina and vulva “outreach.”
What does this mean for you? It means that your journey will be filled with the un-
usual combination of empirical scientific research, quirky humor, and vulva crafts. In
additiontoassemblingsomeofthemostinterestingscientificresearchwecouldfind,we
also turned to more than one thousand other experts on the topic of vulvas and vaginas:
YOU! These pages are filled with funny, heartwarming, eye-opening, and sometimes
challenging stories from women and men who live all over the world, ages eighteen to
eighty. We chose stories that we felt best represent the complexity of what it means to
live life with these body parts: to take in what parents and friends say to young girls
about their bodies, to witness how lovers respond to vulvas and vaginas, and to experi-
ence the ways in which these parts change during menstruation, after giving birth, or as
one ages.
We should note that even though women, vulvas, and vaginas almost always go to-
gether, this isn’t always the case. Some women don’t have vulvas or vaginas from the
time they were formed in the womb (they may have what are sometimes called a disor-
der of sex development or intersex condition) or because they are male-to-female trans-
gendered people who may identify as women but who have not had surgery to change
their genitals to female-typical genitals. For similar reasons related to development or
gender identity, some people who have vulvas and vaginas are men, not women. Al-
thoughwetriedtobesensitivetotheseissuesinourbook,weoftenusethephrases“wo-
men’s genitals” and “female genitals” to refer to vulvas and vaginas even though these
are not always interchangeable. We did this for two reasons: (1) most of the time they
are interchangeable, and so this will make sense to most readers of our book; and (2) to
avoid overkill, we varied the terms we used. This is also why we sometimes use gen-
ital slang such as “coochie,” “twat,” “snatch,” “v-parts,” “down there,” “private parts,”
“lady parts,” and other such words. Just because we know the technical terms for the
vulvaandvaginadoesn’tmeanthatwealwayswanttousethem.Sometimeswelikeus-
ing fun words, too, just like the one-thousand-plus women and men who completed our
survey and told us about the many words that they use for vulvas and vaginas.
We wrote Read My Lips because we wanted to write the kind of book that we wish
wehadcomeacrossearlierinourlives.Ithasalittlebitofeverything,includinginform-
ation about the parts of the vulva, health issues, sex, pubic hairstyles, periods, smell,
taste,appearance,GYNexams,genitalself-image,orgasms,feminine-hygieneproducts,
and art. It also uses crafting, a traditionally female form of expression, to engage in the
somewhat subversive act of celebrating and exploring issues related to the often con-
tested territory of vulvas and vaginas.
We hope that you will enjoy and embrace our labor of v-love for what it is: a cel-
ebration of and an education about the vulva and vagina. We hope that you laugh while
you read this book and also that you walk away from each chapter feeling as though