Promoting Acceptance and Reducing Conflict

167 Pages·2005·0.97 MB·English

by  Haim Omer Nahi Alon

The Psychology
of Demonization
Promoting Acceptance
and Reducing Conflict
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The Psychology
of Demonization
Promoting Acceptance
and Reducing Conflict
Nahi Alon & Haim Omer
Tel Aviv University
LAWRENCE ERLBAUM ASSOCIATES, PUBLISHERS
2006 Mahwah, New Jersey London
This edition published in the Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2008.
“To purchase your own copy of this or any of Taylor & Francis or Routledge’s
collection of thousands of eBooks please go to www.eBookstore.tandf.co.uk.”
Copyright © 2006 by Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinany
form,byphotostat,microform,retrievalsystem,oranyother
means,withoutpriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher.
Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc., Publishers
10 Industrial Avenue
Mahwah, New Jersey 07430
www.erlbaum.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Alon,Nahi
ThePsychologyofDemonization:promotingacceptanceandreduc-
ingconflict/NahiAlon&HaimOmer.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references (p. ).
ISBN0-8058-5665-X(cloth:alk.Paper)
ISBN0-8058-5666-8(pbk.:alk.paper)
1.Psychotherapy—Casestudies.2.Interpersonalconflict—Case
studies.3.Demonicpossession.I.Omer,Haim.II.Title.
RCA480.5.A462005
616.89’14—dc22 2005049829
CIP
ISBN 1-4106-1725-4 Master e-book ISBN
Contents
Foreword by the Dalai Lama vii
Preface ix
1 The Demonic Experience 1
2 The Demonic and the Tragic Views 13
3 The Antidemonic Dialogue in Therapy 45
4 Nondemonic Fighting (with Uri Weinblatt) 81
5 The Tragic Wisdom of Consolation 115
References 139
Author Index 143
Subject Index 147
v
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Foreword
Ibelievethatthepurposeoflifeistobehappy.Fromthemomentofbirth,
everyhumanbeingwantshappinessanddoesnotwanttosuffer.There-
fore,itisimportanttodiscoverwhatwillbringaboutthegreatestdegreeof
happiness.
Theauthorsofthisbookarebothpsychotherapists,dealingprofession-
allywithpeopleseekinghelptofindmentalpeaceandsatisfaction.Theyare
concernedtomaketheirworkmoreeffective.Oneofthepsychotherapeutic
trends they wish to challenge is the tendency toward what they call the
demonizationofthingsorpeople.Ournormaltendencyistotrytoblame
ourproblemsonothers,onexternalfactors.Furthermore,wetendtolook
foronesinglecause,andthentrytoexonerateourselvesfromresponsibility.
Itseemsthatwheneverintenseemotionsareinvolved,theretendstobea
disparitybetweenhowthingsappeartousandhowtheyreallyare.Whenwe
demonizepeople,weseetheminaverynegativelightandpretendthatthey
are somehow completely different from us.
Weoverlookthefactthatallhumanbeingsarebasicallythesame,wher-
everwecomefrom.Physically,theremaybeafewsmalldifferencesinthe
shapeofournoses,thecolorofourhairandsoon,buttheseareinsignifi-
cant.Basically,wearethesame.Weallhavethesamepotentialtoundergo
bothpositiveandnegativeexperiences.What’smore,wealsohavethesame
potentialtotransformourattitudes.AndthisiswhatIthinkisimportant;to
recognizethatwecaneachtransformourselvesintobetter,happierpeople.
Notonlythat,weshouldalsotakestrengthfromthethoughtthat,ifwecan
do it, our rivals, opponents, and enemies can change too.
vii
viii FOREWORD
Frommyownlimitedexperience,Ihavefoundthatthegreatestdegreeof
mental peace comes from the development of love and compassion. The
more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of
well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others
automaticallyputsthemindatease.Thishelpsremovewhateverfearsorin-
securitieswemayhaveandgivesusthestrengthtocopewithanyobstacles
weencounter.ThisiswhyIbelieveitistheultimatesourceofsuccessinlife.
InTibetwehaveasaying:“Manyillnessescanbecuredbytheonemedi-
cineofloveandcompassion.”Thesequalitiesaretheultimatesourceofhu-
man happiness, and our need for them lies at the very core of our being.
Unfortunately, love and compassion have been omitted from too many
spheres of social interaction for too long. Confined to family and home,
their practice in public life is considered impractical, even naive. This is
tragic.Inmyview,thepracticeofcompassionisnotjustasymptomofunre-
alisticidealism,butisthemosteffectivewaytopursuethebestinterestsof
others as well as our own.
Whatweneedtoday,andIbelievethisbookwillmakeavaluablecontri-
butiontoit,iseducationamongindividualsandnations,fromsmallchil-
dren up to political leaders, to inculcate the idea that violence and the
demonizationofouropponentsarecounterproductive,thattheyarenota
realisticwaytosolveourproblems.Insteadofattributingblametoothers,
weneedtotakeresponsibilityourselvesandengageinseekingsolutionsina
spirit of compassion and humility. Genuine peace and reconciliation,
whether in relation to ourselves or in relation to others, comes about
throughtakinganunderstanding,respectful,andnonviolentapproachto
our problems.
THE DALAI LAMA (SIGNED)
February 28, 2005
Preface
Conflictsoftenescalatefromrelativelyminorandtolerableproportionsto
more and more destructive forms. In this negative spiral, the harsher the
conflict,themorewetendtodemonizetheopponent.Wemaybeginwith
mere suspicion, surmising that behind the opponent’s overt acts,
deeper-lyingnegativeintentionslurk.Gradually,innersuspicionturnsto
blaming,andblamingswellstoanaccusingcertainty.Sometimes,wereach
apointwherewedismissanyneutralorpositiveactsontheopponent’spart
as manipulative. Since these processes tend strongly to mutuality, each
partycomestobelievehe1isabletoreadintothedarkestmotivesoftheother
andintothedestructiveforcesthatcontrolhisbehavior.Ourdutyisthento
maketheopponentownuptohisnegativeintentions,developingthereadi-
nesstoabjurethem.Failingthat,weseenoalternativebuttoforcehimto
comply.Atthisstage,theopponenthasbeenturnedintoaclearcutenemy.
Thedamagesandsufferingthatareinflictedonhimarenowseenasines-
capable;actuallyhehasbroughtthemuponhimself.Alsothereadinessto
inflictpainonthirdpartiesorevenonourownpartygrowsapace,being
viewedasthenecessarypriceinwhatisincreasinglyviewedasabattlefor
survival.Needlesstosay,demonizationblockscompromisesolutions,for
these would only give the presumed enemy a better chance to pursue his
harmfulgoals.Understandingandcounteringdemonizationmaythusbe
the key factors in the prevention and positive management of conflicts.
1Masculine and feminine forms are alternated throughout the book.
ix