Princess Alexandra Isn't Very Happy

32 Pages·2015·0.47 MB·English

Princess Alexandra Isn’t Very Happy

Written by Sandy Barker

Sandy Barker started writing plays for her students some time ago and is pleased to be able
to share them with other Drama teachers across the world. As a playwright and Drama teacher,
she strives to provide meaningful parts for a large cast of mixed abilities. Additionally, her one-
act plays are simply-staged and draw on themes that are relevant to the performers and
audiences.

Sandy has a degree in Theater Arts and English Literature from Curtin University in Australia, as
well as a post-graduate degree in Education, and started teaching high school Drama in 1994.
Before moving to the United States in 2008, she was Head of Drama at Brigidine College in
Sydney. From 2001 to 2004 she taught an extra-curricular Drama program to children aged 4 to
16 through the Helen O'Grady Drama Academy. From 2005 to 2008, she was an examiner for
the high school Drama performance exams for New South Wales.

Sandy has spent the past few years in the United States working in the tech industry and
completing other writing projects. 2013 sees a return to Australia for Sandy and her family,
where they will be based in Melbourne, Victoria.

Permissions and Royalties

Sandy has agreed to graciously share her script, production notes and study guide (contained in
this document) with teachers worldwide on Drama Notebook. She only asks that if the play is
produced that she be given author credit and have her bio listed in the program. Additionally, if
a fee is charged for a performance, she requests that a $30 royalty per performance be sent to
her. She may be contacted at: [email protected]

© Sandy Barker 2012
Contents
Princess Alexandra Isn’t Very Happy .......................................................................... 0
CAST of CHARACTERS .............................................................................................. 1
Production Notes ................................................................................................... 24
Study Guide ........................................................................................................... 28

Cast of Characters

Queen Alice, her mother
King Sebastian, her father
Lady Prue, lady-in-waiting to the princess
Lady Delilah, lady-in-waiting to the princess
Child
Narrator
Fairy God Sister
Two-headed Evil Witch (played by 2 actors)
Suki the Dragon Slayer
Prince Dylan
Trevor, the witches’ houseboy
The Master of the Guards

© Sandy Barker 2012 1
A child walks on stage SL with a book and sits down to read. Narrator walks on
stage SR and sits in a chair, reading aloud from his/her own copy of the same book.

Narrator: Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, there was a beautiful princess named
Alexandra.

Child: How boring! This begins like every other fairy tale I’ve ever read. [Child starts to close
the book]

Narrator: Who’s that?

Child: [Talking to the book] It’s me. The reader. I’m going to put this book back on the shelf.
[Child starts to get up]

Narrator: No wait! I can make it better, I promise. Start reading again.

Child: Okay, but it’d better be good. I’m a busy kid, you know. I don’t have time to read
boring books.

Narrator: Okay. Here we go. Once upon a time...

Child: Boring!

Narrator: [Speaking very fast]…there was a rather attractive princess who was bored with her
privileged life and craved adventure.

Child: Much better! Highly original.

Narrator: Her name was Alexandra, and she wasn’t very happy.

Alexandra’s bedroom. Alexandra is on her bed looking into a mirror.

Princess Alexandra: I suppose I should be happy, being rather attractive and living in a huge
castle, and all, but I am SO bored.

There is a knock on the door.

Lady Prue: Princess! Time to get up.

Two Ladies-in-Waiting enter and start fussing about the room. As they speak, they get the
princess ready for her day.

Princess Alexandra: [Sarcastically] Oh goodie!

Lady Delilah: Ready for a fabulous day?

Princess Alexandra: What’s on the agenda Lady Prue?

Lady Prue: [Producing and reading from a Filofax or Tablet] Breakfast meeting with your
husband-to-be. Manicure at 10. Luncheon with girlfriends at 12. Judging the “Village Idiot”
competition at 2, and then your swordplay tutorial at 3. Should I pencil in croquet practice at
4:30?

© Sandy Barker 2012 2
Princess Alexandra: Hang on. What was that first thing again?

Lady Delilah: [Reading over Lady Delilah’s shoulder] Breakfast meeting with your husband-to-
be.

Princess Alexandra: [Groaning] Not another one! I wonder what prize prince my parents
have picked out for me this time.

Lady Delilah: Well, I heard the cook talking to the coachman and she said the her best
friend’s cousin was once engaged to his brother’s best friend, and apparently he’s not very tall,
but he dances well and has good hair.

Princess Alexandra: [Unimpressed] Terrific.

Lady Prue: If he survives any longer than the others it will be a miracle.

Lady Delilah: Yes, you have had a run of bad luck, I must say. Seven intended husbands,
seven dead princes.

Princess Alexandra: [Snapping] Well, it’s not my fault Lady Delilah. The princess is supposed
to send the prince on a dangerous quest to win her hand. So that’s what I did.

Lady Prue: Perhaps the quests were a little too dangerous.

Princess Alexandra: Oh please. Who wants a husband who can’t climb to the top of the
highest mountain, swim to the bottom of the deepest sea, and slay the fiercest dragon?
Besides, without exception they were all dull and boring, droning on about nothing and never
showing the slightest interest in me. I had to send them on adventures, so we would at least
have something to talk about when they got back.

Lady Prue: Would it not be easier to have a conversation with a live prince, than a dead one?

Lady Delilah: I think she means that you might go easier on this one.

Princess Alexandra: Hmph. We’ll see.

Lady Prue: Well, we must see to breakfast. See you in the dining room.

Alexandra watches them go, and when she is sure she is alone, gets her diary from its hiding
place. She begins writing.

Narrator: [Voicing Alexandra’s thoughts]
Dear Diary,
Mom and Dad, in their infinite wisdom, have found me yet another prince. I’m surprised there
are any left in these parts - considering my track record, that is. But, why don’t they
understand that I want to choose my own husband? I want to fall in love – not be set up on a
life-long blind date by my parents! Besides, there are things I want to do before I get married:
travel, have some adventures of my own...

Child: You go sister!

Narrator: [Addressing the reader] Do you mind?

© Sandy Barker 2012 3
Child: She is so cool! Usually the princess just wants to be swept off her feet. I like her!
[Pause] You can go ahead now.

Narrator: [Sarcastically] Thank you so very much. [As Alexandra] More later, Love Alex.

Fairy God Sister: Hmmm…Sounds like you’re in a bit of a pickle, Princess.

Princess Alexandra: What? [She shoves her diary under her bed] Who are you?

Fairy God Sister: I am your Fairy God Sister.

Princess Alexandra: Fairy God Sister?

Fairy God Sister: What?! Do I look old enough to be your mother? Fairy God SISTER.
[Aside] I knew I shouldn’t have skipped that last Botox treatment.

Princess Alexandra: I’m sorry. I mean, you don’t look old or anything, but what exactly is a
Fairy God Sister?

Fairy God Sister: Oh. Well, I am like a guardian angel, a life coach, and a genie all wrapped
into one. So, tell me Alexandra, what is your greatest desire?

Princess Alexandra: Really? [Fairy God Sister looks at her expectantly] Well, I have always
wanted to travel and see the world. I want to see rainforests and mountains and tropical
islands. Oh, AND, I want to fall in love.

Fairy God Sister: Of course. How predictable. They all want to fall in love. Look, we’ll get to
that later. Let’s talk travel - far more interesting.

Princess Alexandra: I would love to see what lies beyond the palace walls and to have grand
adventures.

Fairy God Sister: Now, that sounds more like it. So, what’s the first place on your list?

Queen Alice: [Offstage] Alexandra!! Where are you, girl? We are expecting you in the dining
room. IMMEDIATELY!

Fairy God Sister: Well, better fly. I will be back soon. Don’t you worry.

Princess Alexandra: But…

The Fairy God Sister ‘disappears’ from her room and Alexandra is left alone, looking unhappy
and surprised. She sighs and leaves her room.

Exit SL. BLACKOUT. The bedroom set is removed.

Queen Alice enters SR with Ladies-in-Waiting.

Queen Alice: Where is she? She is supposed to meet her intended in 10 minutes. She is
always off in ‘fantasy land’, that girl.

Lady Prue: Well, you know there has been some talk that she doesn’t want to meet another
prince. [The queen glares at her] However, I could be mistaken.
© Sandy Barker 2012 4
Queen Alice: What are you talking about, you silly woman?

Lady Delilah: Madam, I am sorry to say, but Lady Prue is correct. Princess Alexandra has
mentioned to me several times that she does not want to get married yet.

Queen Alice: [Mortified] What?! Every princess wants a prince.

Lady Delilah: Yes, of course, in the long run, but Princess Alexandra has expressed to me that
she wants to travel and have adventures before she falls in love and gets married.

The queen is horrified, and starting to feel sick.

Lady Prue: [Quickly, trying to appease the queen] Really Madam, it is not that bad. A lot of
the princesses are taking some time to see the world, and try new things before they settle into
a life of ruling the kingdom. Queen Alice: Enough! I have never heard of anything so
ridiculous in all my life. Travel?! Love?! For generations the women in my family have
completed their studies, then married a prince from a good kingdom and produced an heir. If it
was good enough for her foremothers, it will be good enough for her. I will not have my
daughter gallivanting around the world doing heaven knows what. She is a PRINCESS! As for
this silly fascination with love…

Princess Alexandra: [Appearing with a smile] Did I hear my name mentioned?

Lady Delilah: [Trying to cover for Alexandra] Hello, Princess. We were just talking to your
mother about your plans for the future.

Princess Alexandra: [Worried] Oh.

Queen Alice: What is all this nonsense about wanting to travel? And adventures? And LOVE?!

Princess Alexandra: Well, [being brave] you might as well know. I really do want to see the
world before I fall in love and settle down. I want to go to white water rafting and do a bungee
jump, maybe some paragliding.

Queen Alice: I have never heard such nonsense. Prince Dylan is due here any minute, and I
will not have you talking about these ridiculous notions. You were raised to become a queen
and rule a kingdom with your husband, and that it what you shall do. Now, shush. Here comes
your father.

King Sebastian: Good morning all. [Kissing the queen on the cheek] Dear, you are looking
lovely this morning. And Alexandra, aren’t you a picture?

Princess Alexandra: Good morning Daddy. [She fakes a smile]

King Sebastian: I have just had word that Prince Dylan has arrived. Shall we go to the dining
room? Alex dear, I know you’ll just adore this one. He is a real ‘catch’, as you young people
say.

Princess Alexandra: [Not so sure] I am sure he is Daddy.

The king and queen lead the way off stage, followed by Princess Alexandra and the ladies-in-
waiting.
© Sandy Barker 2012 5
Narrator: The family sat down to a sumptuous breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, wholegrain
toast and ricotta pancakes with maple syrup…

Child: Aw, yum!

Narrator: …and the best part of all was that Princess Alexandra was pleasantly surprised by
Prince Dylan. He was charming, as all princes should be, but most princes rarely were. He was
also thoughtful, asking Alexandra questions about herself. The king and queen exchanged
approving glances across the table. They were sure that this was the prince for their lovely
daughter. After breakfast, Princess Alexandra asked Prince Dylan if he would like to join her for
a walk in the castle’s artificially-cultured rainforest. He happily agreed.

They enter and walk as they talk, looking at various trees and shrubs as they go (in mime).
SFX of a rainforest.

Prince Dylan: So tell me Princess Alexandra, what is your favourite subject of your studies?

Princess Alexandra: Geography. I am fascinated by other places and cultures. I read books
about exotic locations and imagine that I am there. I love watching the travel channel – oh,
and “The Amazing Race” is just so, amazing! [He looks at her quizzically] Uh, have you
traveled much Prince Dylan?

Prince Dylan: Yes. I have been very fortunate. I especially enjoyed my travels to South
America. Perhaps, if we marry, we could go there some day.

Princess Alexandra: Really? You’d take me with you?

Prince Dylan: Of course. I think it is important for all monarchs to travel and to experience
other cultures. How can we be expected to rule our lands with an open mind if we haven’t
seen how other people live?

Princess Alexandra and Prince Dylan continue their walk in mime. He picks a flower and puts it
in her hair. She smiles.

Narrator: Princess Alexandra was extremely impressed by Prince Dylan’s view of the world.
She thought that for once her parents had made a good choice, and that she might be happy to
pursue a relationship with him. She had one niggling thought, though; he seemed rather
serious. She decided to test his sense of humour.

Princess Alexandra: Dylan…oh, do you mind if I call you Dylan.

Prince Dylan: Not at all. It’s my name. Are you happy for me to call you Alexandra?

Princess Alexandra: Actually, I prefer Alex.

Prince Dylan: Then Alex it is.

Princess Alexandra: Dylan?

Prince Dylan: Yes Alex. [She smiles]

Princess Alexandra: Can I ask you something?
© Sandy Barker 2012 6
Prince Dylan: Of course.

Princess Alexandra: Why did the dragon cross the road?

Prince Dylan: [Smiling] I don’t know, Alex. Why did the dragon cross the road?

Princess Alexandra: Because, it was the chicken’s day off. [She laughs at her own joke]

Prince Dylan: [Laughing] Oh Alex, you are too much!

Exit.

Narrator: What’s the matter? You’re screwing up your face.

Child: I don’t like him. He’s smarmy.

Narrator: Smarmy, huh? That’s an unusual word for one so young.

Child: I may be young, but I have a diverse vocabulary.

Narrator: I can tell. So, you have a problem with Prince Dylan?

Child: Yeah. There’s something weird about him. He seems too perfect. And too sure of
himself.

Narrator: Smarmy.

Child: Exactly!

Narrator: Well, then you probably won’t like the next bit. [Reading again] Princess Alexandra
was smitten with Prince Dylan. Later that afternoon, instead of attending her swordplay
tutorial, she covered a page in her diary with little hearts and the words ‘Alex loves Dylan’.

Child: Oh please! I thought this princess was different, but she’s just like all the rest! What
about all the cool stuff she wanted to do? This romance stuff is boring!

Narrator: I think it might just be a temporary lapse. Let’s see what happens next.

Child: Okay. I’ll stick with it a while longer.

Narrator: Good for you.

Princess Alexandra is on her bed writing in her diary.

Princess Alexandra: ‘Mrs Prince Dylan’

Fairy God Sister: Hmmm. So, what happened to you then? The last time we spoke you were
talking about adventure, travel, and extreme sports. Now you’re side-tracked by infatuation?

Princess Alexandra: Oh, Fairy God Sister, you should meet him. He’s not like all the others.

Fairy God Sister: Still alive, huh? But for how much longer, Alex?
© Sandy Barker 2012 7
Princess Alexandra: I’m too happy to even let that comment bother me. Really, Fairy God
Sister, he’s just darling. He’s short and handsome and he’s been everywhere! And the best
thing is, he’s actually interested in me!

Fairy God Sister: Oh Goody! C’mon Alex. You’ve got plenty of time for all this lovey-dovey
stuff. You’re a bright young woman. Let’s talk about your plans to get out and experience life.

Princess Alexandra: Well, that’s just it. Dylan says he’ll take me on all his adventures with
him. You know? After we’re married.

Fairy God Sister: What are you talking about? You don’t need a man in your life so you can
go traveling. You are quite capable of going on your own.

Princess Alexandra: I guess.

Fairy God Sister: ‘I guess’? Have you forgotten something?

Princess Alexandra: What do you mean?

Fairy God Sister: Oh, I can’t believe this. This morning you were babbling on about seeing
the world. I have been with my travel agent all day lining up a great itinerary, and now you’re
saying you only want to go with ‘Whatsisname’. What happened to that clever head on your
shoulders?

Princess Alexandra: Hey! I’m still clever. Just ‘cause I am falling in love doesn’t mean I’ve
lost IQ points. Why can’t I have love, marriage and adventure?

Fairy God Sister: ‘Why?’ indeed! Wake up girl! You’ve seen Dr. Phil. ‘Having it all’ is a
fairytale. You get married and you’ll be tied to the castle like that [She snaps her fingers]. You
really think that you and Prince ‘Whatsisname’…

Princess Alexandra: [Annoyed] It’s Dylan.

Fairy God Sister: Fine, you and Prince Dylan are going to travel to wild and exotic places?
That’s what single people do! You two will be too busy juggling duties, a mortgage on your
castle, and royal babies, to go anywhere!

Princess Alexandra: Now just a minute! I thought you were supposed to be a guardian
angel, a life coach and a genie all wrapped up in one. You could be a little more supportive.

Fairy God Sister: I just don’t want you to forget your dreams because you’ve met a man.

Lady Prue: [Offstage] Princess! We have something important to tell you. May we come in?

Princess Alexandra: You’ll have to hide. Quick, hide in here – my closet. [Alexandra
smuggles her Fairy God Sister into the closet offstage] Come in!

Lady Prue: Oh Princess, we’ve had some terrible news. On the way back to his castle, Prince
Dylan and his entourage were stopped by bandits, and Prince Dylan was kidnapped.

Princess Alexandra: Kidnapped?!

© Sandy Barker 2012 8
Lady Delilah: Yes. His entourage were left tied to trees in the forest, but he was taken away.

Princess Alexandra: Oh my goodness. That’s horrible. Did anyone see where he was taken?
What direction they went?

Lady Prue: No one saw a thing, Princess.

Lady Delilah: They were all blindfolded. Oh, this is such a tragedy.

Princess Alexandra: Right, well there is only one thing to do. We must rescue him.

Lady Delilah: Well, I heard your father discussing the situation with the Master of the Guards.
I think he is sending a regiment shortly.

Princess Alexandra: I don’t mean to send a regiment of soldiers off to rescue Prince Dylan. I
mean that we should go and find him.

Lady Prue: Princess, I don’t think that is wise. I mean, we are just women after all. What
could we possibly do?

Princess Alexandra: Oh for heaven’s sake. We have brains, don’t we? And I have been
studying swordplay since I was five.

Lady Delilah: Yes, but I think your father intended for that to remain a hobby, not something
you actually used in real life.

Princess Alexandra: Well, I cannot say how disappointed I am. All these years together and
I never realized that you are both just big scaredy-cats!

Lady Prue: Princess! That is quite enough. We have served you loyally since you were a
baby. We are ladies of the court, and as such we will behave accordingly, and that does not
mean traipsing about the countryside wielding swords and putting ourselves in danger for a
man we barely know.

Lady Delilah: Yeah!

Princess Alexandra: He isn’t just any man, you know. He is my intended, and I intend to
rescue him. I have finally met a man who is bright and kind and funny, and I am not going to
leave his safety to anyone else. Now if you won’t help me, then I will find some one who will.
You are dismissed.

Lady Prue: I shall be speaking to the queen about this. I am not happy, Princess Alexandra. I
am not happy at all.

Lady Prue exits.

Lady Delilah: In truth, I would love to come with you, but I am so close to my retirement, I
don’t want to jeopardise it. Bob and I have planned a trip to Thailand.

Princess Alexandra: It’s fine Lady Delilah. Really, it is. I have someone in mind that may be
able to help me, but thank you.

© Sandy Barker 2012 9