Prince Harming Syndrome: Break Bad Relationship Patterns for Good—5 Essentials for Finding True Love (and they're not what you think)

114 Pages·2009·7.41 MB·English

by  Karen Salmansohn

III. Finally, there are RELATIONSHIPS OF SHARED karen salmansohn
Praise for the Author:
VIRTUE. These are partners who stimulate you,
Best-Selling Author of how to be happy, dammit!
challenge you, inspire you, root for you to grow to
“Salmansohn has the soul of a stand-up comic.
your highest potential—they nurture your soul. When
The battle of the sexes has a brave new gladiator.”
you prioritize seeking a partner who supports your
ant to break your bad relationship
becoming your best self, you wind up with a soul jon stewart patterns for good? Then you must
mate/a Prince Charming/a definite keeper!
seek 5 essentials for true love—NONE
p OF THEM being what most women
“Karen Salmansohn’s writing is bold, r prioritize—as NONE OF THEM are about seeking a
KAREN SALMANSOHN is a best-selling author known
playful, insightful with powerful metaphors i man who is funny, sexy, rich, successful, charismatic!
for creating self-help for people who wouldn’t be sn For example, one essential is to seek a guy who
that provoke and inspire.”
caught dead reading self-help. She’s been written up y
c “values growing.” If your man doesn’t value growing,
in the New York Times, Self, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, deepak chopra ne then your relationship won’t survive—because a rela-
Marie Claire, the Wall Street Journal and many others,
tionship is only as strong as its weakest moments. If
d
and has appeared on The Today Show, The View, Bill h your man values growing, he will be open to discuss-
Maher’s show, and was a regular lifestyle expert for Do you sometimes feel as if you’re wearing a KICK ME sign on ra ing problems, meeting your needs and evolving—so
FOX TV’s Good Day New York. your heart? If so, you are not alone. Unfortunately there are far too o as to make sure problems don’t keep repeating.
r
m
For more about Karen, visit www.notsalmon.com many women who suffer from PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME— m
PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME is a call to action for
the tendency to become involved in troubled relationships. e
i prince harming knowing how to recognize the important difference
n between Prince Harmings and Prince Charmings
If you’ve been eager to understand why you have a by recognizing the important difference between
g
disconcerting pattern of falling for all the wrong men, you’ll syndrome “pleasure” (immediate gratification of the ego and

body) and “happiness” (stimulating and inspiring
love this book for its empowering insights and proven
your soul).
life-transforming strategies. Inside you’ll find all the most recent

Break Bad Relationship Patterns for Good—
cutting-edge research studies on love success merged with Best-selling author Karen Salmansohn references
timeless love secrets of ancient Greek philosophy—all delivered 5 Essentials for Finding True Love fascinating and diverse sources for her “Love Success
Strategy,” including Dr. John Gottman, who runs
with best-selling author Karen Salmansohn’s trademark S (and they’re not what you think!)
“The Love Lab,” to the ancient Greek philosopher
a
feisty humor—so learning how to finally change your life for the
l Aristotle, who put forth that there are 3 KINDS OF
mK
absolute better will feel both fun and do-able! RELATIONSHIPS . . . ONLY ONE OF WHICH BRINGS
aa
nr TRUE HAPPINESS:
sen
THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU IF: o I. First, there are RELATIONSHIPS OF PLEASURE.
h
These are partners who are all about sex, drugs and
n
* You feel like your “love life” should be renamed your “angst life.” rock and roll. They’re all about pleasures of the body
* You’re now absolutely ready to break your bad love patterns for good! or ego. They never soul-nurture you with insight and
growth—so they never bring you real-deal happi-
ness.
II. Next up, there are RELATIONSHIPS OF UTILITY—a
partner you spend time with in hopes of garnering
greater wealth, status, fame power, glory or beauty—
by being in his presence. These partners also don’t
nurture your soul.
Author photo:
Lou Manna US $21.99 CAN $27.99
Prince Harming Syndrome
Break Bad Relationship Patterns for Good—
5 Essentials for Finding True Love
(and they’re not what you think!)
Karen Salmansohn
DeDication
I dedicate this book to my Prince Charming—who’s taught me—
and keeps teaching me—how to get better and better at loving
and being loved. (To quote a favorite poet, Rumi: “Your task is not
to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within
yourself that you have built against it.”)
Plus, I also dedicate this book to all my Prince Harmings of my
happiness
past—each of whom have taught me many valuable lessons
in love. (To quote a favorite book, “A Course In Miracles”: “What depends upon
could you not accept if you but knew that everything that
ourselves.
happens, all events, past, present and to come are gently planned
( . . . ) for your own good?”).
aristotle
If you’re a woman seeking extra support in your search for true love, please
write to me at [email protected], friend me at Karen Salmansohn
on FACEBOOK, tweet me at notsalmon on TWITTER and sign up for my free
BE HAPPY DAMMIT newsletter at www.notsalmon.com
Copyright ©2009 by Karen Salmahnson.
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States of America by
QNY, an imprint of the Hammond World Atlas Corporation,
part of the Langenscheidt Publishing Group,
Long Island City, New York.
www.langenscheidt.com
QNY and the QNY colophon are trademarks of the American Map Corporation.
Creative Director and cover illustrations: Karen Salmansohn
Book Design: Seth Labenz and Roy Rub of Topos Graphics
Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the Library of Congress
ISBN 978-0843-709261
Printed and bound in Canada
First edition
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Introduction/Confession 8
i. Begin Your Love Journey By Writing Your Happily 12
Ever After Ending
30
ii. The Top 5 Essentials to Look For In A Prince
Charming
Table of
44
iii. If You Want Your Prince To “Pop The Question,”
Pop These Questions Up-Front!
Contents
68
iv. Break The Prince Harming Curse Of Your Past
90
v. The Law Of Attraction Begins With The Law
Of Subtraction
106
vi. Be The Change You Want To Date
vii. Princess Charming School Secrets For Seduction 128
viii. Troubleshoot Relationship Problems with Your 144
Prince (Without Wanting To Shoot Your Prince)
ix. Wake Up, Oh Sleeping Beauty! 160
x. Warning: Don’t Be A Love Maximizer (Or You’ll 188
Minimize Your Chances For True Love!)
xi. Is Your Prince Crush A Prince Harming . . . ? 194
(View Breakups as “Love Fullures,” Not Failures!)
xii. Is Your Prince Crush A Prince Charming . . . ? 212
(Tips To Ensure You Stay On Your Path To Living
Happily Ever After)
introduction/confession 9
nce upon a time I used to suffer from what I call
Introduction/
Prince Harming Syndrome—the tendency to
date men who were “bad boys”—charismatic,
smart, funny, successful, handsome guys who
Confession seemed like great catches, until they’d suddenly
erupt into a rage over innocuous things (my not
making the bed, my being late by 10 minutes, my
joking with a male waiter)—or these bad boys
would simply prove to be dishonest cheaters.
I remember once I was sharing a dark story
about a particular Prince Harming with my buddy
Scott, when the man at the next table at the
café interrupted.
“Excuse me,” this stranger said. “I hope you two
don’t mind, but I must confess I overheard you
talking . . . and well . . . I’m a psychoanalyst . . . and
I’m worried about you,” he said, staring directly
at me. “Do you mind if I give you my free therapy
opinion?”
“Not at all,” said Scott, answering for me.
“I have nothing to gain by telling you this,” the
anonymous psychoanalyst began. “I don’t want or
need your business. But as a psychoanalyst, I cannot
help but recognize how this man you’re with is
emotionally abusive. He sounds like a classic control
freak . . . with sadistic tendencies . . . and you, well,
10 prince harming syndrome introduction/confession 11
you are a classic masochist . . . since as of right now, Scott and I laughed heartily at the time. Thankfully
you are choosing to stay.” shortly after this talk I developed the inner strength
and clarity of mind to leave this Prince Harming.
“Masochist?” I repeated.
I recognized, however, just because this man was
I looked at Scott. He meekly shrugged.
no longer in my life, it didn’t mean my masochistic
dating tendencies had left too. I needed to do some
“But it’s good news, too,” the anonymous
serious self-exploration, and understand why I had
psychoanalyst said. “Masochists always have
this urge to go towards bad boys—rather than run
the most hope for change, because masochists
from them.
always blame themselves. So . . . search deeply
for why you’re with this man, your responsibility
Happily I’ve since broken free from my Prince
for having chosen him . . . and get out while you
Harming Syndrome and am living happily ever
can!” He then grabbed his brown leather briefcase,
after with a true Prince Charming—thanks to
and whisked out of the café—like some masked
the empowering insights and techniques I’ve
psychoanalyst avenger.
enthusiastically researched and am now excitedly
sharing in this book.
I felt both horrified and validated. My Prince
Harming had been assessed by a professional to be a
Indeed, it is with extreme empathy and
sadistic control freak.
compassionate love that I share the following ideas,
philosophies and healthful love strategies!
And me? I still had yet to figure out why I had
chosen him.
My Hope: I want to help as many women out there
as I can to also break from their curse of being
In my mind I wasn’t a masochist. I’d been tricked.
attracted to Prince Harmings—so they, too, can live
The way advertisers use “bait and switch” my Prince
and love happily ever after.
Harming had employed “date and switch.” He truly
did start out so nice. And he seemed so charismatic,
smart, funny, successful.
“You really should end this dysfunctional
relationship,” Scott urged me. “Trust me. You’ll meet
and marry a great guy soon enough. You’ve just got
to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.”
“I accept that,” I told him. “It’s just the pigs, dogs and
jackasses I mind kissing.”
chapter
Begin Your
Love Journey
By Writing
Your Happily
Ever After
Ending
14 prince harming syndrome chapter 1: begin your love journey 15
happiness as modern psychologists. Only Aristotle
obviously said it first, having been born in the 300s
bc. Plus, Aristotle said it truly wisely.
Indeed, much of what Aristotle said hit home big-
time—in particular about a sexy, smart, funny,
rich, lying, cheating, don’t-get-me-started Prince
Harming I’d just broken up with. I could almost hear
hen I was a teen, I tried to
what Aristotle might say to me if we were to chat
read the entire Encyclopedia
over souvlaki.
Britannica. My goal: Memorize
its contents, be on TV game
“Mea bene, Karen,” Aristotle would say. “You know
shows, win lots of cash and
what your problem was with your ex? He was not
prizes, run away from home,
your soul mate—but your ‘sould’ mate—because
move to Manhattan and become a professional
you sold your soul to be with him. Sure he was sexy,
writer. I got as far as Asparagus. To this day I still
smart, rich, funny—but alas, he was a lying,
know a little about a lot of words beginning with “A.”
cheating asshole.”
Some favorites: ants, atoms, astronomy, alchemy, all
the Greek gods, goddesses and philosophers—many
“Wow,” I’d say. “I can’t believe you just said that word!”
of whom had names beginning with “A.”
“What? Asshole?” Aristotle would say with a smile.
Aristotle was a particular childhood crush, because
“Hey, I’m from Greece, so alas I’m no prude.”
I’ve always loved philosophy. When I finished
reading his one-page encyclopedic write up, I
“Actually, I meant ‘soul mate’!” I’d correct. “You’re
bought books about him. I’d been purposefully
an intellectual guy—the regaled philosopher who
saving these dog-eared, underlined Aristotle books,
was called The Mind of The Academy by Plato. I’m
as well as the “A” book of Britannica, all to be used
surprised you believe in something as namby-
in a novel, where I’d been planning to bless my
pamby metaphysical as a soul mate!”
protagonist with the quirky detail of knowing all
things “A.”
“Absolutely!” my fave Greek philosopher buddy Ari
would respond emphatically. “Actually, I sort of
I recently rediscovered these old Aristotle books
coined the concept of ‘soul mate.’ If there’d been
when moving apartments. I started flipping
a little ‘TM’ trademark thingie back in the 300s
through them, and was surprised to discover that
bc, I’d be a very rich man today. I firmly believe
Aristotle said a lot of the same things about love and
16 prince harming syndrome chapter 1: begin your love journey 17
caretaking the soul is incredibly important for greater wealth, status, fame, power, glory, or beauty
happiness. I describe a soul mate as a ‘soul-nurturing by being in their presence. These partners also don’t
mate’—someone who nurtures your soul—thereby nurture your soul—only your ego. Again, these are
promoting insight and growth. I pushed folks to find souldmates (Prince Harmings)—not soul mates
soul mates—because in my opinion, real happiness (Prince Charmings).
only comes when you stimulate your soul—your
core self—and grow into your highest potential. iii. Finally there are Relationships of shaReD
Basically the soul is the ultimate g-spot viRtue. These are partners who stimulate you,
for happiness.” challenge you, inspire you, root for you to grow into
your highest potential—who nurture your soul. A
Of course I’m paraphrasing for my philosopher good example is Jack Nicholson’s character in As
buddy. But if Aristotle were here, I know he’d agree Good As It Gets who says: “You make me want to
with my verbal modernization of his timeless truths. be a better man.” When you prioritize seeking a
Plus, Ari would go on to describe how he views the partner who supports your becoming your best
world as offering . . . self—instead of just crushing on someone’s
superficial sexy looks, charisma and wealthiness—
you wind up with a soul mate/a Prince Charming/
3 Kinds of Relationships . . .
a definite keeper!
Only 1 Brings
With all this in mind, if you want to be happy in
True Happiness: love, you must take the time to see past a guy’s
“superficial lures” (hottiness, funniness, smartness,
success, status, power, fame, glory, wealthiness)—
i. Firstly, there are Relationships of pleasuRe.
and look deep inside his “superinsidehimself” true
These are partners who are all about sex, drugs and
core self.
rock and roll. You might share soul-less passionate
sex and soul-less playful banter—but they’re all
Unfortunately it’s very easy to get hypnotized
about pleasures of the body or ego. They never soul-
by “superficial lures.” In particular, those fumes of
nurture you with insight and growth—so never
chemistry can dizzy a gal into making stupid love
bring you real-deal happiness. Hence, these partners
choices. It’s hugely important to remember: Yo!
are souldmates (Prince Harmings)—not soul mates
Hot steamy chemistry eventually fades—and what’s
(Prince Charmings).
always left beneath is a person’s true soul.
ii. Next up, there are Relationships of utility—a
partner you spend time with in hopes of garnering