Prenatal Bombshell : Help and Hope When Continuing or Ending a Precious Pregnancy After an Abnormal Diagnosis

298 Pages·2015·1.03 MB·English

by  Stephanie Azri and Sherokee Ilse

THE PRENATAL BOMBSHELL

THE PRENATAL BOMBSHELL
Help and Hope When Continuing or
Ending a Precious Pregnancy after an
Abnormal Diagnosis
Stephanie Azri and Sherokee Ilse
ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD
Lanham • Boulder • New York • London
PublishedbyRowman&Littlefield
AwhollyownedsubsidiaryofTheRowman&LittlefieldPublishingGroup,
Inc.
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Copyright©2015byStephanieAzriandSherokeeIlse
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorby
anyelectronicormechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretriev-
alsystems,withoutwrittenpermissionfromthepublisher,exceptbyareviewer
whomayquotepassagesinareview.
BritishLibraryCataloguinginPublicationInformationAvailable
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Azri,Stephanie,1977-,author.
Theprenatalbombshell:helpandhopewhencontinuingorendingapreciouspregnancyafteran
abnormaldiagnosis/StephanieAzriandSherokeeIlse.
p.;cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferences.
ISBN978-1-4422-3942-5(cloth:alk.paper)--ISBN978-1-4422-3943-2(electronic)
I.Ilse,Sherokee,author.II.Title.
[DNLM:1.DecisionMaking--PersonalNarratives.2.PrenatalDiagnosis--psychology--Personal
Narratives.3.Abortion,Induced--PersonalNarratives.4.Bereavement--PersonalNarratives.5.
PatientEducationasTopic--PersonalNarratives.WQ209]
RG628
618.3'2075--dc23
2014040890
TMThepaperusedinthispublicationmeetstheminimumrequirementsof
AmericanNationalStandardforInformationSciencesPermanenceofPaper
forPrintedLibraryMaterials,ANSI/NISOZ39.48-1992.
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
CONTENTS
Foreword vii
KileyHanish
Preface xi
Acknowledgments xv
Introduction:SettingtheStage xvii
I:THEJOURNEYOFCONTINUINGTHEPREGNANCY
1 EmbraceYourPregnancy 3
2 PalliativeCareandPerinatalHospice 23
3 PressurefromOtherstoChangeYourMind 31
4 FamilyDynamics 37
5 MedicalIssues 43
6 BirthPlansandPreparation 49
7 TheLaborandBirth 63
8 IfYourBabyIsBornAlive 71
9 IfYourBabyDies 83
10 MemoryCreation 91
11 SayingGood-bye 99
II:THEJOURNEYOFENDINGTHEPREGNANCY
12 LivingbeyondtheDecision 115
13 RegretsandGuilt 123
v
vi CONTENTS
14 FamilyDynamics 129
15 HoldingontoMemories 133
III:CONTINUINGYOURHEALINGJOURNEY
16 TheEarlyDays 141
17 BuildingSupportfromOthers 145
18 HowMenandWomenGrieveandGetAlong 153
19 SingleMoms 161
20 SupportingYourChildren 167
21 WorkplaceIssues 185
22 PostpartumandSelf-care 195
23 GriefandHealing 203
24 DowntheRoadaBit 211
25 TryingAgain 219
26 SubsequentBabies 231
Resources 241
SelectedBibliography 251
AbouttheAuthors 253
FOREWORD
Kiley Hanish
W
e’veallbeentoldthatpregnancyisatimeofjoy,hope,andanticipa-
tion. It’s a time to pick colors, paint rooms, and ready ourselves for the
parentingadventureofalifetime.
We begin planning for the future the moment we discover we are
expecting. We change our eating habits—swapping folic acid for Fumé
Blanc—stretchingourmortgagetomoveintoaneighborhoodwithbet-
terschools,listingbabynamesthat—atthetime—wethinkwillmakeor
breakourlittlebambino’s(orbambina’s)future.
Inallofourdecisions,nomatterhowbigorsmall,thenewestmem-
ber of the family—the one we can’t wait to meet—is always front and
center. Unfortunately, that’s all the joy some couples will ever experi-
ence.
Too soon, many discover their beloved children will not survive or
will have serious medical problems that will result in fetal death or an
impaired life. These couples have to make the impossible and most
heartbreakingdecisionofall—whethertocontinueorendthepregnan-
cy.
Neither is an easy decision, nor is there a right one that fits every-
one.
Understandably, parents in these situations often experience isola-
tion, guilt, shame, grief, depression, and anxiety. No matter what deci-
sion they make, they need support to help them make it through the
darkest days and nights when they don’t think they can go on another
minute. They need to know that there is hope, they need to see a
vii
viii FOREWORD
glimpse of light, and they need to see that there is joy and meaning in
lifeafterthis.
WhenmyhusbandandImadethefilmReturntoZeroabouttheloss
ofourson,Norbert,attheendofourfirstpregnancy,wedidsoinorder
toopenupadiscussionaboutstillbirthandneonatalloss.Wehopethat
wehavemadeasmalldentintheuniverseandallowedthosewhosuffer
in silence to know that they are not alone. That there are others out
therewhoshareintheirpain,theirexperience,andaretheretohelp.
In The Prenatal Bombshell: Help and Hope When Continuing or
Ending a Precious Pregnancy after an Abnormal Diagnosis, Sherokee
and Stephanie have done the same for another group of parents who
struggleandsufferinsilence.Theydrawfromtheirownexperiencesof
the deaths of their children to offer specific support about how to live
throughtheaftermathofmakingthemostharrowinganddifficultdeci-
sionanyparentcouldpossiblymake.
Thebookoffersunbiased,nonjudgmentalstrategiesforfindingyour
wayonthismostchallengingpath,andtheygivetheir“loveandhopeto
instill the belief that you can make it. You can put your world back
together,despitethedevastationfromthebombshellthatwassuddenly
droppedonyourhappy,hopefullife.”
Thatiswhythisbookisagifttosomany.
Manyparents’touchingstoriesarebeautifullywovenintothetextto
showyouthatyouarenotalone.Thatyouareapartofalargercommu-
nitythathasbeenthroughthesame.Theysharetheirstoriessothatyou
can know they are profoundly changed in amazing and beautiful ways
by their babies’ lives, no matter how brief. Sometimes it takes a long
timetoseethesechanges,“butwithanopenattitudeandheart,youcan
feel it and find it when you are ready. Embrace those gifts and recog-
nizethelight,whichshineseveninthedarkness.”
Whether you have chosen to continue or have ended your pregnan-
cy,theyoffertips,strategies,andadvicetohelpyoucopewithyourown
emotions;dealwithyourfriends,family,andcommunity;communicate
with your spouse or partner; and care for your living children in the
aftermath.
You will be offered ideas for bonding and making memories both
with your baby who is in the womb, as well as when the child is born
still or alive. These are so very important. Despite the fact that your