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08 09 10 11 12 BU 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To Dave, who patiently agreed when I had to postpone
our 20th wedding anniversary trip to finish writing this book,
demonstrating once again the meaning of “for better or worse.”
Acknowledgments
any people had a hand in the Those family wedding pictures from the Doell,
creation of this book, and it would take Abney, Alexander, and York families add a personal
Mmore space than is available here to thank touch I couldn’t have found anywhere else.
each of them properly. Some are especially deserving And then there were the brides. Many friends,
of my personal appreciation though. Among them: family members, and co-workers responded to my
Mitzi Koontz, who took a personal interest in this plea for wedding pictures and stories, but one in
book and its development, much more so than was particular took a personal interest in the book;
her duty as the acquisitions editor, and who is one Cathleen Small’s responses to my original question-
of the brides featured here. naire were detailed and informative about many
things; her wedding was a recent memory, and she
Heather Urschel, who also helped develop the text shared with me how she went about planning the
and added many suggestions that didn’t occur to day in unique ways that suited her and her husband
me. She, too, is a featured bride in the book. Chris’s characters and beliefs. Cathleen also knew I’d
Shawn Morningstar put together all the puzzle need permission from subjects and photographers,
pieces of text, notes, and photographs. And then so she set about to gather those for me before I
she did it again when I asked her to rearrange even asked. Not only did Cathleen share her own
entire chapters. Shawn also selected the beautiful extensive collection of wedding photographs, she
color palette of the book and perfected the design then recruited her friends to share theirs and was
to create an elegant interior—her changes made a just as diligent in seeking out permission for their
tremendous difference. Sandi Wilson was also use from both photographers and subjects.
rushed, but she stayed focused on detail, and the All the couples who contributed stories, photo-
book is much better for her involvement. Sharon graphs, or both: Jennifer & Ryan, Heather & Mark,
Shock patiently waited as the deadline loomed and Mitzi & John, Jackie & Joni, Reneé & Scott, Lisa &
then did a week’s worth of work in two days. All Chris, Cathleen & Chris, Lisa & Joe, Sarah & Jay, Maria
three maintained their professionalism and perse- & George, Rhea & Gil, Nancy & Ray, Nicole & Will,
verance throughout the layout process. Jordan Theresa & Randy, Kristin & Scott, Priscilla & Josh,
Casey was cheerfully helpful when I asked her to Tiffany & Chad, Tiffany & Priscilla’s mother Michie,
help me acquire impossible interviews and images, Karen & Joe, Michael & Marni, Sandy & Dave, Shawn
and Mike Tanamachi created just the look I hoped & Eli and all the others whose names I never knew.
for on the cover and created accurate and beautiful
illustrations of diamonds as well. Finally, many people went to great lengths to dig
out details of their own weddings, complete my
My mother-in-law, Judy Doell, family historian, questionnaires, and tell me their stories—not all of
took an interest as soon as I shared with her what them made the final cut. What to leave in and what
my next project would be, digging out pictures to leave out is a difficult decision. The stories I left
from albums, taking them out of frames hanging out are just as deserving as the ones I included;
on her walls, and entrusting me to take these family I still have them though, and I hope to make use of
keepsakes away to be reproduced for the book. them in other ways in the future.
iv
The idea behind the Picture Yourself series is, of course, pictures. Central to the theme of this book
is the photography. All of it is good; some of it is art. If a photograph has “Courtesy of Shutterstock”
and then the author’s name listed in the credit, you can find information about him or her at
Shutterstock.com. The others are listed below with web addresses if available:
Autumn Azure http://www.artwanted.com/artist.cfm?ArtID=24224&SubGal=People
Cameron H Photography www.cameronhphotography.com
Holly Istas Photography www.hollyistasphotography.com
James Karney www.capaphoto.com
Aaron Lockwood Photography www.aaronlockwoodphotography.com
Stewart Pinsky Photography mauiweddinggallery.com
Mark Ridout www.ridoutphotography.com
Amber Sisson of Amber James Photography http://web.mac.com/amberjamesphoto/iWeb/AmberJames/
TriCoast Photography www.tricoastphoto.com
Waldek Photography www.waldekphoto.com
Melissa Roland
Mick Pederson
Sally Emory
Tahlia Vaccarella
Elizabeth Furbish
Kim Benbow
Elizabeth Woodhouse
Abbie DeLeers
Ted Herod
Several companies were gracious enough to allow My grandsons, Jonathon, Jimmy, and Timothy,
me to use images of their product or to interview started college, scored touchdowns, and learned
designers and executives; their contributions were how to walk, respectively, while I worked long
central to making this book current and helpful, hours to put this book together. We missed some
and I appreciate their cooperation, insight, and fun times, and I can’t wait to go shopping, see
advice: Dan Scott of Scott Kay Jewelry Design, some movies, and play video games again.
Caroline Flagler of David’s Bridal, Matthew Swart
of 1st Class Wedding Invitations, Lauren Curmi of
Lippe/Taylor, Linda Shonk of Sweet Art Galleries—
their input on topics in which they are specialists
gives the book added credibility.
v
About the Author
efore embarking on a career in She is the author of Mom’s Field Guide: What You
publishing nearly 20 years ago, Sandy Doell Need to Know to Make It Through Your Loved One’s
Bhad another career as a caterer in both a Military Deployment, published in 2006 by Warrior
country club and a hotel setting. One of her main Angel Press. That book is based on her experiences
responsibilities was to serve as the reception coor- when her son, David, was deployed to Iraq with the
dinator for hundreds of brides. Sandy guided bride, U.S. Army in 2004. She has been interviewed by
groom, and the rest of the bridal party through the dozens of radio hosts around the country, discussing
cake cutting ceremony, toasting, the first dance, the needs of the troops and their families, and,
and bouquet and garter tossing—she has personally along with Warrior Angel Press, she maintains
cut and served hundreds of wedding cakes. She has two web sites (momsfieldguide.com and
firsthand experience with countless wedding whileourchildrenserve.com) in support of the
receptions where she worked to coordinate families of deployed military personnel.
activities with photographers, chefs, and wedding
planners. She learned how to be a calming influence
on nervous brides and grooms as she skillfully
guided them through their first social duties as
a married couple.
Sandy currently works as a freelance book editor
and writer, and is the editor of award-winning
computer workshop materials for the Indiana
University IT Training Department. She has served
in many roles in publishing and has edited hun-
dreds of books, most recently 301 Inkjet Tips and
Techniques: An Essential Printing Resource for
Photographers by Andrew Darlow. In Picture Yourself
Planning Your Perfect Wedding, Sandy brings
together skills from both her careers (not to
mention her natural proclivity for storytelling) to
share with you the stories and pictures of dozens
of brides on their most perfect day.
vi
Table of Contents
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiii
Part I Engaged!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Chapter 1 Wedding Trends and Fashions. . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
Every Little Girl’s Dream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
The Proposal. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Creative Ways to Propose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Which Comes First? The Ring or the Question? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Arranged Marriages from Long Ago . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
The Betrothal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
A Note of Caution . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Chapter 2 Choosing the Rings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
Wedding Ring History and Traditions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
Why a Ring? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
The Diamond . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
Why a Diamond? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
How to Choose a Diamond . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
The Band . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
Gold . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
White Gold . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
Platinum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
The Setting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
vii
Chapter 3 Telling Everyone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
Keep It in the Family First . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
Visit, Call, Write, E-Mail . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
If You Have Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
Introducing the Families. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
Telling the Rest of the World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
Newspaper Announcements . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
Alumni Magazines. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
The Engagement Party . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41
Chapter 4 Dream, Plan, Realize . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
Budget Meets Dream . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
Plan. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46
Getting Organized . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
Start Early and Stay Organized . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
Keeping Records. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
Choosing the Date and Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
Season . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
Day of Week . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
Time of Day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
Religious Restrictions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55
A Vision of Your Big Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
Part II Serious Planning. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57
Chapter 5 Strictly Business. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
The Budget, or Who Should Pay for What . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
Today’s Fiscal Responsibility . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
Worksheets and Calculators . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
Head Count . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
Prenuptial Agreements . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67
Community Property vs. Common Law States . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
Other Business Concerns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 70
Wrapping Up the Business Aspects . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71
viii
Table of Contents
Chapter 6 Choosing the Sites, the Theme,
the Tone of Your Wedding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73
The Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75
Get Specific and Ask the Right Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79
Changing Religions to Get Married . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80
Reserve Musicians for the Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81
Coordination . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82
The Reception . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83
Space Concerns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85
Concern for All Your Guests . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86
Consider the Work That Must Be Done . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87
Reserve Musicians or DJ for Reception . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88
Smart Moves . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89
Chapter 7 Getting Down to Some Details . . . . . . . . . . . 91
Color Scheme. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94
Emotions Associated with Color . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94
Some Facts about Color . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95
Consult a Florist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96
Invitations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97
Save the Date Cards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99
Other Stationery Items . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100
Speaking of Favors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
Attendants . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102
How Many? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102
How to Choose Them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103
Responsibilities of the Attendants . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104
Chapter 8 Shopping for The Dress...and More . . . . . . 107
Wedding Gown Vocabulary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109
Making the Choice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113
Accessories. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118
Trains . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118
Veils . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119
Tiaras . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120
Gloves. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120
ix
