Table Of ContentPERSPECTIVES ON THE
EXPERIENCE OF SUDDEN,
UNEXPECTED CHILD DEATH
THE VERY WORST THING?
Denise Turner
Perspectives on the Experience of Sudden,
Unexpected Child Death
Denise Turner
Perspectives on the
Experience of
Sudden, Unexpected
Child Death
The Very Worst Thing?
Denise Turner
Lewes, UK
ISBN 978-3-319-66016-5 ISBN 978-3-319-66017-2 (eBook)
https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-66017-2
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017955077
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For Amy and Dan
Who have taught me everything I know about how to live, laugh and love.
And for all those who allowed me the privilege of listening and working
with their stories—thank you.
Remembering:
Joseph Michael Toby Turner
(Joe)
13 August 2003–14 March 2005
Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of
our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are
happy.
Preface
On the surface, this is a book about death. Beginning with the death of
Joe, a very young boy, and my search as his mother, to make meaning out
of this experience—meaning which involved encountering the stories of
many other deaths. Under the surface, however, and most importantly,
this is a book about life—Joe’s short life which in its way held so much
meaning and purpose; my life which continued after his death and the
lives of Joe’s surviving brother and sister. Additionally, it is a book about
the lives of parents who participated in the original research which led to
this book; those of their children, surviving friends and families and all
those who have been involved with or touched by the stories contained
within this book. Ultimately this is a book about survival and building
meaning from whatever endures after the death of a child. Much of the
process which led to this book represented a search to locate painful and
often untellable events, rendering the book ‘a place for experience’
(Hoggett 2000). At the heart of this experience are the processes which
commonly follow the sudden, unexpected death of a child, yet which are
so little known or discussed.
That the book has been made possible at all is a small wonder, for, as
Hoggett observes, ‘Academics, literary agents, editors and publishers
form part of a broader “expert system”, which manages access to the pub-
licly written word’ (2000, p. 116) and thus they are key players in decid-
ing which experiences are rendered available to thought. However, the
vii
viii Preface
field of death and dying has recently gained in popularity, resulting in
several bestselling publications (Kalanithi 2017; Rentzenbrink 2016) and
thereby paving the way.
The book itself is based on a doctoral research study, undertaken over
seven long years and culminating in a subsequent PhD thesis. The cata-
lyst for this was the sudden, unexpected death of my son Joe in March
2007 and the events that followed. As a former social worker, I was par-
ticularly interested, at the time, in understanding the professional
responses to Joe’s death. Through conducting the research, I have become
absorbed by cultural responses to grief and how these construct individ-
ual experiences—both personal and professional. The book’s intention is
to understand—it is not about blame, nor is it about reprisal. Its primary
aim is to make meaning from the events which followed the sudden,
unexpected death of my son and thereafter to act as a means of support
for others who may be involved with similar events in the future. Finally,
the book is my perspective on this unique experience. I do not know how
I would react, where I ever to face this event again, nor am I making any
judgements on how other people should or should not react. Ultimately
the book is offered in the spirit of trying to make some meaning from
what may appear, on the surface at least, simply as meaningless.
References
Hoggett, P. (2000). Emotional life and the politics of welfare. London:
Macmillan.
Kalanithi, P. (2017). When breath becomes air. London: Vintage books.
Rentzenbrink, C. (2016). The last act of love. London: Picador.
Contents
1 Introduction 1
‘Rapid Response’ 2
‘Turning a Blind Eye?’ 4
Context and Approach of this Book 5
Characteristics of the Research Study 7
Structure of this Book 8
References 9
2 ‘ A Place for Experience’ 11
Introduction 11
Joe’s Story 13
Being a Bereaved Parent 20
What Survives the Storm 24
Seeking a Place for Experience 26
Conclusion 27
References 28
3 D eath in an Era of Inquiry 31
Introduction 31
‘Emotional Politics’ 32
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x Contents
‘The Age of the Inquiry’: ‘Failure’, ‘Blame’ and ‘Defensive
Practice’ 38
‘Systematic Investigation’ and a ‘Sensitive, Caring
Approach’: Professional Perspectives 46
‘Like a Surrealist Play’: Parental Perspectives 53
‘Knowing the Right Moment’ 62
‘A Good Death’ 67
‘Organising Disturbing Experiences’ 69
Conclusion 70
References 71
4 Discovering the Depths 77
Introduction 77
‘Researching Beneath the Surface’ 78
Klein and the ‘Space That Connects’ 80
Debates in the Psychosocial 82
‘A Space Not Fully One or the Other’ 83
Writing as a ‘Method of Inquiry’ 86
Telling Stories 87
The Biographic Narrative Interpretive Method 89
Data Analysis Panels 91
Ethics 92
‘Real Humans’ 96
Conclusion 98
References 98
5 Collective Stories 103
Introduction 103
‘It’s All Been in Pods of Time’: Threads of Temporality 106
‘I Was a Bit Annoyed’: Threads of Emotion 111
‘She Really Did Put Herself on the Line’: Threads of
Professional Intervention 116
‘The Point Where I Was Most Unlike Myself’: Threads of
Parental Identity and Agency 124
Conten ts xi
‘And My Daughter Came Running In’: Threads of
Siblings and Subsequent Children 129
‘Is There Ever Going to Be a Light at the End of the
Tunnel?’: Threads of Chaos and Meaning-Making 133
Conclusion 137
References 138
6 Cathy 141
Introduction 141
Context 142
Cathy’s Story 144
‘An Aggressive Story’: Cathy’s Interpretive Panel 154
‘The Story I Expected to Hear’: Exploring Meaning in
Cathy’s Panel 157
Conclusion 161
References 161
7 Julia 163
Context 164
Julia’s Story 165
‘A Beautiful Story’: Julia’s Interpretive Panel 173
‘Why Is She So Blessed When Her Baby Has Just Died?’:
Exploring Meaning Within Julia’s Panel 178
Conclusion 180
References 181
8 Laurie 183
Introduction 183
Context 184
‘Laurie’s Story’ 185
‘A Useful Story’: Laurie’s Interpretive Panel 198
‘Everything Is Out of Control’: Exploring Meaning Within
Laurie’s Panel 202
Conclusion 204
References 205
