Parenting Out of Control: Anxious Parents in Uncertain Times

268 Pages·2010·2.04 MB·English

by  Margaret Nelson

parenting out of control
This page intentionally left blank
margaret k. nelson
Parenting Out of Control
Anxious Parents in Uncertain Times
(cid:4)
new york university press
New York and London
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY PRESS
New York and London
www.nyupress.org
© 2010 by New York University
All rights reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Nelson, Margaret K., 1944–
Parenting out of control : anxious parents in uncertain times /
Margaret K. Nelson.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13: 978–0–8147–5853–3 (cl : alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 0–8147–5853–3 (cl : alk. paper)
1. Parenting—United States. 2. Parent and child—United States. I. Title.
HQ755.8.N453 2010
649’.10973—dc22 2009048944
New York University Press books are printed on acid-free paper,
and their binding materials are chosen for strength and durability.
We strive to use environmentally responsible suppliers and materials
to the greatest extent possible in publishing our books.
Manufactured in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
For my grandchildren, Maya Ruth Nelson and Sadie Klein Nelson
This page intentionally left blank
(cid:1)
contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction: No Playpen 
I Parenting Styles
Introduction to Part I: Anxious and Engaged 
 Looking toward an Uncertain Future 
 Looking Back: Are the Good Times Gone? 
 Clear and Present Dangers 
 How They Parent: Styles, Satisfactions, and Tensions 
II Parenting and Technology
Introduction to Part II: Do You Know Where Your Children Are? 
 Staying Connected 
 Constraining Practices 
 What They’re Hiding: Spying and Surveillance 
 From Care to Control 
Conclusion: The Consequences of Parenting Out of Control 
Appendix A: Methods 187
Appendix B: Data Analysis 195
Notes 201
Bibliography 233
Index 247
About the Author 257
vii
This page intentionally left blank
(cid:1)
acknowledgments
It is always a delightful moment to turn to this part of a manuscript. Not
only is this an indication that yes, at last, the process of writing is almost
complete, but it is also a time to offer thanks rather than simply to accumu-
late debts. And so, with a great sense of relief, I thank the following people
and institutions.
My first thanks go to the many men and women who agreed to be inter-
viewed for this project. Without their willingness to take time out of busy
lives, to look inside themselves, and to provide candid answers to probing
questions, this book could not have come into being. They are, of course,
nameless here. My second thanks is to the interviewers who took time out of
their busy lives to ask those probing questions. And these I can name: Paul
Barnwell, Katie Edwards, Kate Elias, Adam Fazio, Jenny Harris, Liz Kofman,
Mary Mendoza, Ana Rita Pergolizzi, Susan Reagan, Dena Simmonds, Susan
Wargo, and Lauren Ziegler.
I have received significant financial support from Middlebury College in
conjunction with the A. Barton Hepburn Chair. I appreciate each and every
penny. I appreciate as well the support from a Mellon Grant for a course
reduction as this project was getting under way and the encouragement and
flexibility of Carol Rifelj, who was the dean for faculty development at that
time.
I have had wonderful student assistants at various stages of the project,
including Katie Hylas, Kristin Haas, and Julia Szabo. Val Benka—long past
being my student—did her usually magnificent job of editing as I was put-
ting on the final touches.
During the past couple years, a group of colleagues have offered all sorts of
vital support. Laurie Essig (with help from Lynn Owens and Rebecca Tiger)
invented the title. Rebecca Tiger made sure that I was not off-base in my
discussion of “control.” Karen Hansen knocked sense into my head when
in response to my muttering that this project was maybe too hard she said,
“They’re all hard. They’re just hard in different ways.” Naomi Gerstel and
Anita Garey both read drafts at crucial stages and offered invaluable advice. I
ix