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Yo u’re Probably Just Doing It Wrong
By
Sara Given
creator of the ItsLikeTheyKnowUs Tumblr
WORKMAN PUBLISHING • NEW YORK
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For everyone stumbling through parenthood
Copyright © 2015 by Sara Given photo credits: © Fotolia: adrenalinapura p. 42; Africa
Studio p. 54; aletia2011 p. 151; alexsokolov p. 66; Alliance
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be
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Cover and title page photo by Subbotina Anna/fotolia
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Contents
Introduction . . . 1
Chapter 1
Perfecting Pregnancy . . . 3
Chapter 2
Bringing Home Baby . . . 39
Chapter 3
Enjoying Toddlerhood . . . 79
Chapter 4
Breezing Through the School-Aged Years . . . 109
Chapter 5
Living the Good Life . . . 143
Introduction
As a first-time mom, I found myself swimming in a sea of hormones, sleep
deprivation, and questionable Internet advice. Each parenting article was
always accompanied by a stock photo of a glowing mother and chipper baby
surrounded by endless bowls of fruit and salad in an immaculately clean house.
I stared bleary-eyed, with my red-faced baby, at their embodiment of maternal
perfection and wondered, “Why don’t we look like that?”
In spite of my frustration, I decided to rise above it and focus my energy on
positive personal growth. Just kidding! I decided to make fun of it to make myself
feel better. And it worked! And it turns out it worked for millions of people all
over the world: One fateful day, a Facebook thread where frustrated moms were
posting idealized photos depicting life with children caught my attention. I started
adding sarcastic captions to the photos, someone said, “This should be a blog,” and
I volunteered. That is how my Tumblr blog, “It’s Like They Know Us,” was born.
Then, overnight, my very public coping mechanism went viral. Over a million
people visited in the first month. Soon it was featured on The Steve Harvey Show,
The Huffington Post, and WNYC’s The Longest Shortest Time. I was even invited to
be a guest on the Today show. I got to stay overnight in a hotel by myself and have
my hair and makeup done by professionals, and no one threw up on me, or pooped
on me, or tried to pull my shirt down in public even once! And now my very public
coping mechanism has become a book.
So, come and lose yourself in a white-and-beige utopia where pregnant
women always smile, babies always sleep, and toddlers sit perfectly still. Marvel
at teenagers who smile adoringly as their parents speak. Extra how-tos and
advice columns will help you re-create the same pristine existence in your own
home! Congratulations on your purchase of this book and for taking the first
steps of your journey on the road to perfection.
Chapter
1:
Perfecting Pregnancy
{
Congratulations on your happy news!
Take this time to prepare for your new life
by getting lots of uninterrupted sleep, making your home
baby friendly with all-white furniture, and reading as
much on the Internet as possible. Pregnancy is the first
of many opportunities you will have to be absolutely
confident in every decision you make for your child!
Catching a beautiful
sunrise is easy when
you’re up every
12 minutes to pee.
5
