Table Of Content"Parents will greatly benefit from all the solutions in this remarkable book!'
LAURA KASTNER, PHO, Psychologist and Author, Gelling ro Calm
Parenting
in the
Screen Age
Calm
Delaney Ruston, MD
From the maker of the acclaimed SCREENAGERS movies
Parenting
in the
Screen Age
A Guide for
Calm Conversations
Delaney Ruston, MD
From the maker of the acclaimed SCREENAGERS movies
STARHOUSE
001.1'.•.
Copyright © 2020 Delaney Ruston Starhouse Media, LLC
121 San Anselmo Ave
Box 2832
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
San Anselmo, CA 94960
reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any
www.screenagersmov1e.com
means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or
415-450-9585
mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the
publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in
critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted
by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher,
addressed "Attention: Permissions Coordinator," at the address
below.
ISBN: 978-1-7356396-0-4 (Paperback)
ISBN: 978-1-7356396-1-1 (eBook)
Front cover images © Shutterstock.com
Book cover and layout design by theBookDesigners
Printed in the United States of America.
First printing edition 2020.
Publisher:
Dedicated to Peter, Chase, and Tessa with immense love.
2 Video Games
Contents
Recognizing the Positives of Video Games
What Video Game Develo12ers Learn From Casinos
Beware of Loot Boxes
• • •
Different Parent A1212roaches Concerning Violent Video Games
The U12sides of Having Intermittent Breaks From Gaming
Video Games and Making the World a Better Place
Strategies for Effective Video Game Limits
Introduction
Clues To Uncover True Addiction to Video Gaming
Advice to Parents From a Recovered Gaming Addict
1 Social Media
A1212reciating Positive As12ects of Social Media
3 Mental Health
What is the Right Age To Give a Phone With Social Media?
In a World of Ha1212Y. Posts-Whx Ex12ressing True Emotions is
Whx Teens Choose Different A1212s for Communicating
so lm12ortant
Feeling Lonelx in a Hx12erconnected World?
How Tech lm12acts Teens' Stress and How To HelP.,
Distress Signals on Social Media
Hel12ing Youth Understand Clinical De12ression
"Cxberbullxing," Reworking Conversations so Kids Eng g~
2
Ex12loring Whx De12ression Rates are Increasing
The Risk of Su12erficial Social Lives
Anxietx -What Everx Family, Should Know
The Need To Be Seen and the Allure of Fame
Talking About Our Emotions Builds Their Resiliency, Skills
College and Other Transitions Does Social Media Hel12 or
A Dozen Ideas for Finding Su1212ort
Hurt?
When Thex are Feeling Rejected, How To Hel12
Should Social Media Not Have Likes?
SleeP- DeP-rivation -A Major Public Health Issue 6 Contracts and Family Rules
Have Kids Think Like Public Health Officials and Devise Solu- Four SteP-s Before Making or Revising a Screen Time Agreement
tions Sam12le Contracts, lncluding..MY. Daughter's
Whx Screens and SmartP-hones in the Bedroom is a Riskx Act Our Famil}'.'s Tech Rules - Alwaxs a Work in Progress
Creating Healthx Slee12 Habits in Younger Kids Peo12le Share Their Summer Screen Time Rules
How To Hel12 Safeguard Slee12 for Teens Creating Conseguences is Hard but Necessary_
Peo12le Share Their Rules for Slee12 Time Using More PositivitY. to Get More of What We Want
Ideas To Hel12 When Struggling With Screen Time Rules
5 Essential PreP-aration for Screen-Related Conver Co-Parenting Tech Time: Working Through Differences
sations Tech Tools To HelP- With Screen Time Limits
MY. RoadmaP- for Productive Conversations How To Model lm12roving Screen Time Balance
We Worry_ Our Youth are Losing Communication Skills, Let's
7.
Hel12 Them Gain Them Challenging Conversations
The Four Kex Cs Drug~. Alcohol and Social Media
Working To Prevent Emotional De12endence on Tech Talking About Sexting With Non-Judgemental Curiosi!Y.
"I Hate That I Wasted the Dax Awa}'.'' A Confusing Legal Sxstem and Sexting
Setting Boundaries is Hard for Manx of Us, Including Me Girls Feeling Pressured Online
The Science of Creating New Screen Time Habits Talking With Younger Kids About Pornog@P-hY.
When Thex Know Thex are Being Mani12ulated - It Can Hel12 Talking With Teenagers About [email protected].
FamilY. Meetings ReP-lace FamilY. Fights (Ihe lns12iration Behind lxing About Screen Time
Tech Talk Tuesdaxs). Being Crude and Swearing Online
To Track or Not To Track
8 Screens in Schools and Homework 10 Cultivating Creativity, Insight, and Focus
When Com12uters Re12lace Textbooks, How Do We O12timize Fostering CreativitY. in Their Online and Offline Lives
Benefits and Decrease Downsides? Creating Via Tech To Make a Difference
Addressing Cell12hones in Middle Schools Un12lugging- Restful or Stressful?
Em12owering Parents With Our "Away_ for the Day_" Cam12aign Phone and Device-Free Vacations - Possible?
High Schools Get Students To Put Their Phones Away_ Gaining Insights Through Hack Challenges
Hold That Text How To lm12rove Mental Focus in Our Kids and Ourselves
Multitasking: When is it Effective and When is it Not? Building Brain Attention Skills With Mindfulness
Ti12s for lm12roving Study_ Time That Work During and Post
Covid-19. Notes
Acknowledgments
9 Fostering Human Bonds
Ex12anding Their Connections With Humanity_
Siblings and Screen Time
Building Communication Skills Via jobs
The Art of Asking Peo12le To Put Their Phone Away_
Why_ Talk To the Cashier?
Building Good In-Person Digital Eti~uette
Raising Hel12ers Starts at Home
Confessions of a Distracted Parent (i.e., Me).
The Power of HelP-iog Others and Feeling Needed
of screen supremacy.
Introduction
It also goes without saying, but I will say it anyvvay, screen
time is not "ruining a generation," a phrase I have heard and read
• • • repeatedly across news outlets. Dooming a generation is unfair,
untrue and downright mean. Our kids are wonderful and doing
the best they can with the inner and outer resources they have at
any given time.
It goes without saying
Well, it goes without saying, but let me say it anyway. Our tech This book is relevant during and post Covid-19
revolution is incredible beyond words - the ability to get and
When Covid-19 hit, we all became more grateful than ever about
share information is beyond anything I could ever have imag the upsides of our tech revolution. In a matter of weeks, screen
ined, the ability to connect with others around the world is re time became our lifeline, allowing for ongoing learning, the abil
markable, and the list goes on and on and on. I would not go ity to connect with others, entertainment, news and much more.
back, but I do think things can be improved upon. I often think Tech often allowed for classrooms to go online and for work for
that the new stresses of parenting and the new challenges we us parents to continue.
face are high prices we pay for all the millions of "goodies" the At the same time, the challenges of screen time balance be
revolution has brought us. I see these parenting challenges as came even more pronounced. This book is all about how we, as
opportunities - reading this book will help you change the parents, can feel as empowered as possible to help our kids
"price" of technology into "pay off" by exploring ways to raise maintain healthy screen time - whether during summer vaca
kids in the digital age who will be better communicators, more tion, a busy school year, or stuck quarantined through a pan
emotionally aware, and more mindful and compassionate than if demic. The skills and strategies parents need around screen time
we weren't encouraged to parent more intentionally in this world endure. I wrote the vast majority of this book from the
perspective of not being in a "shelter-in-place" situation, but worried about how it was such a time suck, as well as the crude
there are suggestions woven throughout that are useful if you are and often offensive things he was seeing on the site, such as
sheltering in place. The book is full of hundreds of ideas around things being shared from a site called 9GAG.
how to approach tech-themed conversations with your child and This was the early period of "social media," and I was not yet
these themes are timeless. thinking of the deeper issues to come.
Meanwhile, screen time in general made me worry about all
How it all started
the things my kids could be exposed to - all sorts of things in
My stress around screen time issues and my kids began to form
the media like violence, harsh words, intense shows, the risk of
in 2011 when my son Chase was 12 and my daughter Tessa was
seeing pornography and more. What if they put up a little
10. They started asking for more and more screen time. We had
YouTube video that was not well-received? Would they feel left
struggles when it was time to get off a screen. I felt at a loss of
out of things others were doing? Would exposure to violent
what to say or do.
video games change them? Would video gaming overtake their
I would think to myself, "If only there was a book like 'What
free time?
To Expect When You're Expecting' that included a chapter called
Between my husband, Peter, and myself, there was mounting
'Expect a technology revolution and here are all the solutions you
tension because we saw things differently when it came to screen
need."' But alas, no such book existed.
time. Peter would say, "They just need to learn how to manage
Tensions could flare suddenly around all of this screen time
screen time themselves." Allowing our kids to learn from expe
confl ict. It caused me to feel so many emotions - sadness, frus
rience, with guardrails, of course, has always been something my
tration, anger and then guilt for being angry. And, of course,
husband and I greatly value. So, I understood his logic, but I
worry.
would respond, "Wait, the pull towards screens is so strong,
At the time, Facebook was just starting and Chase, in seventh
aren't we just setting them up for failure?"
grade, was using it to interact with friends. At that time, I was
As the days rolled forward, I was increasingly aware that this
