Outsmarting Anger: 7 Strategies for Defusing Our Most Dangerous Emotion

257 Pages·2013·2.691 MB·English

by  Joseph Shrand, Leigh Devine

Outsmarting
A N G E R
7 Strategies for Defusing Our
Most Dangerous Emotion
JOSEPH SHRAND, MD
with Leigh Devine, MS
Cover concept: Galen Shrand; cover photographer: Carol Shrand; cover Photoshop:
Jason Shrand; cover model: Becca Shrand; book illustrations by Sophia T. Shrand
Copyright © 2013 by Harvard University. All rights reserved.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Shrand, Joseph, date.
Outsmarting anger : 7 strategies for defusing our most dangerous emotion / Joseph
Shrand, MD, with Leigh Devine, MS. – First edition.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-118-13548-8 (cloth); ISBN 978-1-118-22527-1 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-23875-2
(ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-26337-2 (ebk.)
1. Anger. 2. Anger–Treatment. I. Devine, Leigh, date. II. Title.
RC569.5.A53S57 2013
152.4'7–dc23
2012048731
Printed in the United States of America
first edition
HB Printing 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
For my dear departed friend Avrom Weinberg,
PhD, whom I never saw angry and whose warmth
and honesty are sorely missed
For Dorothy and Richard McCann,
without whom I would never have known
what it is to be truly loved and respected
—JS
To my ever supportive and loving family
—LD

Contents
Preface  vii
Acknowledgments  ix
Introduction  1
1  A Glimpse into the Angry Brain  9
2  Recognize Rage  33
3  Envision Envy  59
4  Sense Suspicion  81
5  Project Peace  109
6  Engage Empathy  139
7  Communicate Clearly  165
8  Trade Thanks  193
References  219
About the Authors  229
About Harvard Health Publications  231
Index  233
v

Preface
A few years ago, I started writing a book about the power of respect.
In my career as a psychiatrist and throughout my life, I’d observed
that when people acted with respect toward one another, feelings of
anxiety and anger seemed to diminish. Inspired by this notion, I wrote
a nearly complete book before realizing I had no idea how to publish
one. So off I went to a seminar offered by Harvard Health Publications
on how to publish your book. While there I met some remarkable
people, listened to their stories, and shared my ideas.
The day after the seminar was over, I received an email from Dr.
Julie Silver, who is the chief editor of books at Harvard Health Pub-
lications. To my astonishment, she liked my ideas and asked me if I
would consider writing a book with them. Thinking as an editor, she
told me that respect might not be compelling enough to grab readers’
attention. But anger—now there is a topic everyone can relate to.
Anger is exciting, dangerous, mysterious, and primal. It implies a
seething, perilous potential for threat and taps in to our deep human
desires. Anger is daunting and forbidding and all too pervasive in our
modern-day world. Take my idea about the untapped power of
respect, suggested Julie, and explore it through the lens of anger.
So I have.
In my profession as a psychiatrist, I have been impressed by how
often a patient had become angry to the point of seeming out of touch
with reality. When a brain gets to this point, bad things usually
happen. But if you confront someone about his anger, he may get even
vii
viii      Preface
angrier. This direct approach has never worked. And asking him to
control his anger, to manage his anger, can also be like putting match
to tinder and igniting fury.
But what if, instead of telling someone to manage his anger, we
helped do it for him? What if we could actually use our own brain to
calm the angry brain of another person? What if we could use our
thinking brain to redirect our feeling brain?
One of the most remarkable human abilities we have is one we
hardly know how to access. Each of us is inherently able to decrease
someone else’s anger. This book is not just about anger management.
It is about using your brain to outsmart anger in someone else’s brain.