Table Of ContentREADII\ICB OOK qrEHr4fl
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ua aHrJntircKoi"{ fl3btKe
Issuel g
eunycrcI 9
OUT OF S]'I, I)
I_IEB I_IO|Y
(Military i Iurnour)
(noennrriir oMop)
Conrpilerbl y
G. A. Sudzilovsliij CocragHre,'rl
f. A. Cylslz"'toscxuri
Order of the Red Bannero f Labour
Aiii,I IARY PUI]LIS}IINC I.IOUSE OpleHa Tpyqouorol (p:rcrroro3 ilrvcnH
USSR I1I;\ISTRY OF DEITENCE BOEHiiOE H3A,.\.-EI JIbCTBO
I'ioscow-1979 ,[ll,lHHCTEPCTBA OEOPOHbI CCCP
MOCKBA_I979
EBK8 1.2A nr.n-93
K53
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I(rrrrraA ,rrrq reHr.rsH a aHrJrr{ficKoMfl3 btKe( nlrnycx
l{}) Out of Step (<He e Hory>) rpeAcraBrrrerc o6oil
t 6oprlrx KoporKr4xr cMopucrxr{ecKr{pxa ccKa3oB3, a-
6:rnrrblxl rcroplrii, ar{eKnoroB,t xyroK, Becerbrx Ar,Ia-
,roloB nperJ[{,yxlecrBeHInloo BoenHoiiT eMarl,tKeH, a-
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II()II "ICKCI,IKI,I.
I(rrnra cocrorrr r.r3 ceMr{ pa3Ae,tos: Army
IIunrour,N avy Flumour,A ir Force Humour, Histo-
rical Humour,l lumour in Military Slang,H umour
Ksrra r,rq qreHusH a aHr.IIHircKoflM3b l- irr Etymology, Merry Alix-Up n Hnrrrocrpr{poBaHa
K53 Ke.B brn.1 9.H e n uory/Cocr.f . A. Cylsu- Io1\IOpxCTUqeCKHMII pHCyHKaMIl, B3flTbIMH tr3 aM,epI,I-
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aTaaexT BB on3DMoO,DX.HonOxCaTtobl uIBIPMO qttslT3ayTqba rb9 Tya ttKr-Hlrlilircyx llKt al{ gHluaxq'llHalotr(H11.
-7-0l1t01-47-90r5 66K 81.2A Hr,n-93
06,(s 0 2) -79 4H(Aur.r)
(c) Boerruslar, 1979
ilTERRYS OUNDO FF
(Army Humour)
INFERIORITYC OMPLEX
Privaten 'liltonw ent to psychiatrista nd complai-
nt'rl:" l havea n inferioritvc omDlex."
"Nothing I can do for you", iaid the doc." ln the
,-\r'rnyp rivates don't have an inferiority complex...
tlrcy'reju st infe rior...r"
FRAGGING?
"l'm so sore at that SergeantB rooksw ith his
[;rrriliaritya ngle,"2a GI cnmplained". He keeps
srieal<inugp on me, slappingm e on the chesta nd
lrrcaliingth e cigarsi n my pocketI. figuredo ut how
to tea chh im a lesson."
"\\'hatchag ollnad o?"3a skedh is friend.
"l'll fix him. The next time he slaps me on the
t lrrstI 'll havea boobyt rap in my pociret."
UNFRIENDLY EXTENDEDP ERIOD
A Tommyi n Dublin liad beeno rderedt o makea A man rvho lrad volunteeredf or the Army and
round of ciiy pubsl ooking fo r time bombs.T he sol- llrcn thoughtb etterw as late to report to the recep-
dier madea goodu seo f this Assignmentta kingi n lion center.W hen askedb y the recruiting officer
many a harddrinl<A. fter he had emergedfr om the ;rbouie xplanationsh, e pleadedf or a little more
last Joint,h e found he had lost his submachineg u.n Irntelo setlleh isa ff a irs.
('Toinmy gun' in slang). lle tried to retrace his "All right, I'il give you threem ore days," the of-
steps.L Ie [new he had beeno nly in three pubs.S o Iicers aid," and no more."
he ieturnedt o the first pub and asked", Did I leave "OIiay," said the prospectives erviceman," l'll
rry SMG here?" lalie Christmas,F ourth of July6 and New Year's."
"No, yott didn't,"s aidt he proprietor.
At the secondp lace the nran askedt he same REPEATP ERFORMANCE
question".D id I leavem y gun here?"
"But, sergeant,"c omplainedth e unhappyA rmy
"Not here,"w as the answer.
When he inquired about his submachineg un a.! soldiera t the ciothing issuer oom of ihe reception
the third pub,t he proprietors aid," Yes,I havei t." ccnter," Theses hoesy ou gave me don't match!"
"That's funny," puzzledt he sergeant". You'ret he
"FIow do you lik-et tioser ats next door?"s aid the
man. "l asliedt hem the same question and both sccondp erson this morning who made the same
r'omplaint."
of'ems aidn o!"
FIRSTS TEP
FIRE PRECAUTIONS
PFC Gordon,t he unit chanpion sharp shooter,
Rememberingr vhat he was told about fire pre- \\'asv ery sentimental.
cautionsi n the unit area the soldiert hrew a ciga- "Today is a very importanta nniversaryin my
rette butt in a manholea nd then steppedo n it. ('iireero f a marl<sman.h"e mused." William Teil
u'asb orn 900y earsa go.W hen I 'nvasa liid, William
ODD STRUCTURE
I'cll rvasr ny idol. I renrernbeIr usedt o go in the
A unit rvas hastily deployedo verseasin a place lr;rckyarwd ith my bestI riend.H e would put an ap-
withouth ousingf acilitiesT. he NCOIC of the emer- lrlco n his heada nd I woulds hooti t off. He would
gencv construction project reported to the CO: lraveb eent hirty-foury earso ld tomorrow."
Ytt.,ii
darn new-af ngled preiabricatedb arracks
they done sentu s ain't no good,as ir. In fact, it's NUTS (TECHNTCALLY-MTNDED)
plumb lousy.5I think mebby we put it up wrong
withoute ngineear ssistance." Two inmatesi n the psychiatricw ard in an Army
"How come?" {rospitawl ere trying to drive a nail into the wall.
"Leastways, every time scidiers step out the onc of therr had the heado f the nail againstt he
front door,t hey fell off the roof." ivall and was hitting it on the pointede nd. "l'm
8
supposedto be nuts," he complained",b ut look at "Well,I thoughtt herem ustb e somem istakea nd
thc nailst heyi ssuei n thisj oint." lou.put-lnien theI (9 Corps.8l'vbee enle adinga
"You're nuts, all right," okayed the second, riog'sl ife ever since."
"though you keep boasting of being a glorious
membero f the US Corpso f EngineersT. hat nail is NO IDENTIFICATIONP ROBLEM
for thew all on theo pposites ide." The recruiting officer askedh is staff: "Why did
you enlistt hat man a soldier?H e is a perfect mis-
SERGEANTW AS RIGHT (AS USUAL) fit. He squintsh, asa crookedn oseand outstanding
PrivateB rown exclaimeda fter the morningi ns- cars,a huncha nd he limps."
pectionp arade:" This time the sergeanrtv asn'tju st "But he will be easvi o identifvand catch if he
jumpingo n me.G ee,d o I needa shave?7" cverg oeso vert he hill."e
"How do you knorv?"h is friend aslied.
"l just lookedi n the mirror over there"
"That'sn ot a mirror,s tupid,t hat'sa hair brush."
WHEN EVERYTHINCI S TOPSY-TURVY
"My daddyi s an Army engineer,"a n Army brat
said boastfully."" DDiidd yyoo'uhear about my father's
nnoerrwr iinnrrveentnintni?ottn ?a"aqslrkprel dfth hebrat of his friend.
aaWrtlih arrt-' s Ih !i-s i!nvention?"askedt he friend duti-
fully. "Of course,i t isn't all
"Well," explainedth e brat, "my daddyj ust sug" peachesa nd cream ...
gestedt o build a housef or headquarterws ith the prett.y,l ove-starved
women will throw
basemenot n ton of the roof."
themselvesa t you...."
"Why?" askedt he fricnd.
"So in cases tafff olks loses omei mportantp aper
(which they often do, as daddy says) tliey don't EFFICIENCYJ UMP
havet o turn thew holeh ouseu psided ownt rying to The staff efficiencye xperts aid to the COFS: .,I
find it." anr very gratified to seeh ow many new men you
iravet al<eno n since I installedm y new automitic
NOT WHAT WAS PROMISED
sl stemo f stafI informationp rocesiing."
"Are you sure you've put me in the Army all "Yes,w e took'emt o tal<ec areo f the svstem."
right, sir?" askeda volunteera t a recruitingc enter.
BETTERM ATERIAL
"Am I reallya soldiern ow?"
"Of courseY. oursi s the most iamouso utfi t in the Thec ommandewr as aslied": Why do youprefer
US Armed Forces.W hat'st he matterw ith it?" rnarriesdo ldierisn youru nit?"
l0 il
ti>
"Well, the marriedm en are usedt o take orders
eveni f they arey elleda t them." HOT ASSICNII,IENAT REA
PUNCTUATIONA ND P,UNCTUALITY reAnt ssi onl dai elerit nte ar: t" rIos piti chaola t wrehaew raey so aus .k"erudb" iv" his oF-a -
_pre,t,rctcr,dpuI" iottoirn .apgno. c faftpiicvpeeoW rhi_rAa rCtdm ttheoenlid nnt h eilerrvre efA rt iroem nayds :ak .s .iWf a m hcyele nprI ul<atnh pce-- eshr Hafridiseo rnrevd.sdsp u alyrnw idna gsI b:t "roTeoeakrk rtsuibb relnets,wa senitedtn irtni ioag ti inrnei neegsa..Mc" hy o sthoeldr'is-
tuationw as good."
"What did yout etlh im?" CLOSE LOCATION
"I said I'd neverb eenl ate for work in mv life." . Th."g eneral asked his engineer:, ,Why did you
build the unit supplyp ointi o far arvayf ronr'the
SECRETO F ATTENTION unit area? "
An instructor who was fond of lengthy discus- e.r"pFlqati nye9duth wea enntgeidnt eoe gr.et it near the railroad,s ir,,,
sions at his classesb oasteda bouth is ittehtive lis-
teners:" Yes,t heya re alwaysg luedt o their seats."
"No wonder."h is.friendc ommented,,, thatt hey RIGHT PLACE
keepi n theirp laces." . SergeantB orvnotw as fond of telling his soldiers
abouth is dreams.
CHOW HOUND "I went to bed last night and dreamedI died.',
"And the heat rvokey du up?"rr a bored listener
. A companyc how hound had a bet he would be inquired.
ablet o consumea tremendouas mounto f Army ra-
tions,a nd he did consumea ii of them but refused GREAT[ -IKENESS
to havea notherg o-r o
'rugl
. now," hisaid. "We'l1b e havingc howt ime . SergeantB riggs returnedb ack to his sweetheart
in halIa n hour." lrom_a -na ssigrrmcuitn CentralA nrerica.
"Unlortu,natelIy h. avet o.r eportb ackt o that pla_
MUTUAL INTERESTS ce again, dear. And. here.i s d tittte pet I brodght
you to remindv ou of me."
heGadeqnuearartleW risol lnia tmimse w eaasr liyn ian hthuer rmyo tron giige.t ft"o. h;;is th, o"Oughh, t_fWulo afl tyeoiu, dtoe abrr,i"r rggm asep tehdis t dheea rg"ilritlt,i e.m .hoonw_
importantm eeting. liey!I t is just likey ou!"
"Don't let me.'miss my plane," he urged his
chauffeur-
_-."Don'wt orry.s ir," thec hauffeura nswered,., Mrs. UNSUTTABLEQ UALITIES
wrllramss aidi i I did it wouldc ostm e my job." A fat boy was turnedd own at an Army receprlon
centerw hereh e rvishedt o volunteerf or service^with
t2
l3
I
the Rangers. "You're no good- for--U ncle Sam's ARMY COOI(INGR ECIPE
Arrrry,"t "her ecruitingo fficei said." You fat fellows
are [ood-natured- iou can't either f ight or run'" The unit cookw as asked:" Say, you'veg ot, Bow-
son,r abbitm eath ashf or dinnert o-day?"
ALSO FLYiNG "Yes."
A volunteexr ,asq uestioneadt the recruitingc en' "What'st he proportion?"
"ln strict accc'rdancwei th the cookingm anual
ter to seeh is IQ.
"\\'hat'sO ld Glory?" (rnilitary rnessing-) fi ity-fi ft y - one rabbit ancl
one horse."
"l don'tk now."
"What'st haty ou seef l ying overt heh ouse?"
"Oh, yes,p igeons."
WHOAIA RE WATTSFO UGHTB Y?
PROPERW TIEREABOUTS
Somet ime aiter tlre war, severalr nen in a bar
A Pentagonb rass l-ratw as visiting a lunatic room were talking about wars and their battlc
ward of an-Arnryp sychiatrich ospital.H e went to deeds.T he talk turrrcdo n a sDecificb attle. An
the tele-pwhitohn ea nd found diificultyi n getting con- ex-lieutenantt,e lling his portiono i it, was inter-
neciic-rt-t his office to make some inquirieso n rupted by a former captainw ho correctedh im on
somem atter.E xaspei-a1ehcel ,s houtedto the- 9Pera- severalp oints. Ile, in turn, was contradictedb y a
tor: "Look here,g iil, do yc,uh now who I am?" manw ho claimedt o be a maiora nd told a different
"No", was the calrnl eply, "but I knorvw herey ou story. Presently,a for-rrthm an spokeu p with quite
ar e." anotherv ersiono f theo DerationsF.I ew as a colonel,
PRACTICALT ESTING he declaredT. hena tilth man sttppedi n: "l was in
that fight.I t was like this."
One ouartermastetro ld another:" l dreanledla st
"What was your rank,s ir?" askedt he bartender
night that I liad inventcda new type.o f ration and
rvhent he last man Iinishedh is account.
was samplingr t with delrghwt hen..."
"l rvasa nrivate."
"Yes,y es,g o ot't".
"Well,y c.,ua re thc very first privateI 'vee verm et
"l wol.;eu p and found a cornero i my mattress
in this olace,"c ommentetdh e bartender.
{.r-o ne."
DIFFERENCE
"Can you tell me ihe diflerenceb etrveenv alor MARKINGT lME
rrrrdd iscretion,a"s krdl hc sergeatrt.
Private Flooksr eplied:" \Vc'll,l eaving one'sb ar- A unit of soldiersr vasm archinga long dusty
rachsr vithoutp ermissiotw-to uld be va1or." inarcha crosst he rolling prairie.I t was a hot blis-
"And discretion?" tcringd ay arrr!t ht men,l ongingf or watera nd rest,
"Not goingt lterea gain." u'erei mpatientt o reacht he next town.
l4 l5
A rancherr oden ast. WILLINC COOPERATION
"Say,I riend",c alledo ut oneo f them en," how fa r
is it to tlten cxt town?" Tired of incessanet ffortst o makeP rivateW alkie
"Oh, a ntatteio f two mileso r so, I reckon,"c al- toe the line in the.c ompany1 5t he sergeantt ried
lcd back tire rancher.A nother'longh our dragged anothera. ngle. "\\Ialkie, I'd like to go through one
by, and anotherr ancherw as encountered. whole day without oncer eprimandingo r pun*ishing
"llow far to the uext town?" the men askedh im you.
cag crly. "Well, sergeanty, ou havem y consent."
"Oh, a good tr,r'om iles."
A nearlyh all hour longero f marching,a nd then EVIDENTP ROGRESS
a third rancher." Hev. how far's the next town?"
"Not far," was the encouraginga nsrver," only The battalion commanders aw SergeantG orton
aboutt wo miles." and asliedh im: "Well, sergeanta, ny pro-gyroeus si n
"Well," sighedt he optimistics ergeant," thank general education?B y the way. how did get
God,w e'reh oldingo ur own, anyhow!"rz along _in the examinationi n English grammar
vesterdav?"
OFF LIMITS TO UNSHAVEDP ERSONNEL .._"Oi, I"donef ine, sir,".r eportectlh e happy sarge.
"l only made one mistakel nd I seena s'i6on ad I
donei t." 16
Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't
soldierse verg o to heaven?"
LONGERD ISTANCE
"Of courset hey do!" protestedh is mother." What
makesy ou ask?" At a lessoni n topographya soldierw as asked:
"There are so many soldiersw ith beardsb ut I "What is farthera way,H ariison,t he moono r that
nevers aw any pictureso f angelsw ith beards." objecto n this map?"
"Oh, that's becausen rostm en rvho go to heaven "That object,n aturally."
get thereb y a closes have."'3 "What makesy ou think lhat?"
"'Cause we can seet he moon any clear night,
CHEMICAL WARFARE and we can't see that object even at day time."
ta
"When Lot's wife lookedb ack", said the Sun-
SELF-SUFFICIENCY
day schoolt eachera t an Army post," what happe-
ned to her?" Sergeantl (ent, in a fit of patronizingm ood,r?
"My dad says shew as transmutedin to chloride askedP rivate Lvndonif he neededa ny-helpw ith
of sodium," answeredt he brat with the goggles, his drill.
"arrd my dad surek nows everythinga boutc hemi- "Oh, no, sergeant", repliedt he soldier," l nlighl
cal warfare." as well get it wrongbY mYself."te
l6 l7
I
I
WHO'S CRAZY?
I
It was the psychiatrist'tsu rn to ask a prospective
soldieru nder ntedicale xaminationa t the medical
boarda t the recruitingc enter.'
"Are you a man or a wonrarr?"
"i\ woman,"t he prospectivseo ldierr eplied.
Somewhatt aken aback, the psychiatristt ried
ag ain.
"When you grovJu p, are you going to be a wo-
man or a man?"
"A woman."t he examineea nswered.
"You're crazy and uniit for service,"d ecidedt he
expert.
When the, not too unhappy,f ailed soldierw as
going homeh e was askedb y his friend," Why did
you makes tranger eplies?"
"If he was goingt o askm e crazyq uestionsI was
going to give him crazy answers.H e couldn'tk id
nre."
SIMPLE SOPHISTICATION
I
A soldiero n leavew as trying to impressh is girt
f-iu
with his learnings tandards. .^: bs
"l'm a radio operatori n the Air Force.R adioi s )EvizFNE
such a complicatedt hing. Even now, after two
years of intensivet rainirrg,I must confesst hat I >qvA,Z:1Y .^
haven'tt he slightesti dea how the radio works in HT F$
the wholec omplex." E$ ii
".Nly goodness!"e xclain ed the wide-eycdg irl.
"lt's awful easy.Y ou must turn the knobsa nd it
startst alking."
EXCUSE
;iff:$8;.il
"Why arey ou late,c adet?"
"Class startedb eforeI got here."
l8 l9
I (F'
I
I
ter, lieutenant,"g rumbledt he Old Man. "Haven't
EASYT O MATCH I you got a senseo f humor?"
Two young soldiersw ere exchangingth eir expe- "l don't have to laugh,s ir," reportedt he officer.
rienceso f the servicei n the Army. "lly sergeants 1 "l'l'e got reassignmentto anotherp lacea nd leaving
are wonderiul",s aido nes oldier. Friday anyhow."
"l wish I coulds ay the samea boutm ine," said
the other. SUPERIORSA RE ALWAYSO NE'SB ETTERS
"You could if you could lie as trd o."
The tough private saunteredi nto the dimly-lit
saloon.
CORRECT
"ls there anybody here called Donovan?" he
An exantineirn military historya t an Army col' snarled.N obodya nsweredA. gain he sneered":I s
lege askeda cadet:" State the strengtho f the US therea nvbodvh erec alledD onovan?"
r\rmed Forcesi n any given year of history." Therew as a momento f silencea nd then a little
The cadetr eplieda t once:" 1492- none." fellow in a sergeant'su niform strode forward.
"l'm SergeanDt onovan,"h e saidd efiantly.
HARD TO IMITATE The tough guy pickedh im up and threw him ac-
The CommandingO ificer stareda t the AWOL. ross the bar. Then he punchedh im in the jaw,
"Jackson,v ,rhenI was a soldierI nevert old a lie to kickedh im, clubbedh im, slappedh im arounda bit
my superiorsW. ill you be able to say the same and walked out.2rA bout fifteenm inutesl ater the
thing to your son?" little fellow camet o.
"Not with such a straight fa ce,"a ea nsweredt he "Boy," he exclaimedp roudly," sergeantsw ill be
GI. always smartert han privates.D idn't I fool him?
I ain't Donovan!"
STRICTD ISCIPLINE
LOST AND FOUND
When askedi i discinlinew as strict in his unit
"Just imagine,"s aid a man. "Just as my friend
PrivateG ilbertr epliedi
Jacksonw as going to board the train to go to his
"strict? You retnembeJr onesey?W ell, he died in
class,a nd they proppedh im up2 0u ntil the lecture training camp after he'd beene nlisted,h e turned
and ran out and left the town and the recruiters
ended."
were not able to locateh im."
"Lost his nerve?"
EXEMPTO F ORLIGATION '(\J6- found it." 22
The Old Man lil<edto call the wholes taff in his
headquarteros fficei n to listen to extremelys tale EXPLOSIOND ANGEROUS
jokes he pickedu p somewhereH. e was just having
"You say you'ren ot getting along with your ser-
such a party and everybodyb ut one lieutenantin
geant,"s aid mothert o her son,h omeo n leavea ft er
the cornerl aughedu proariously".W hat'st he mat'
2l
20
