Nightmare in Shining Armor

289 Pages·2013·0.79 MB·English

by  Myers Tamar

NIGHTMARE

IN

SHINING

ARMOR

A D e n o f A n t i q u i t y M y s t e r y
In memory of my father,
whose imagination was boundless.
Contents
1
It isn’t every day that a headless woman
rings my… 1
2
“You do?” 6
3
There was a white stallion in my foyer. It
wasn’t… 16
4
“Out with it, you two!” 24
5
I’m not proud of what I did. But as I… 35
6
“Abby, don’t you have a burglar alarm?” 46
7
The paramedics were the first to arrive,
followed only seconds… 52
8
Greg and Wynnell were in the kitchen
sipping hot chocolate… 67
9
“Who?” I demanded. “Y’all know something,
don’t you? Is it… 76
10
You can’t get any lower, if you ask me, than… 83
11
I stared at the strange packet. It appeared to
be… 95
12
The Rob-Bobs, bless their hearts, were
exceedingly understanding when I… 104
13
In front of me was the Rob-Bob’s salon. I
don’t… 44
14
“It was your ex-husband. Buford Timberlake.” 123
15
Forget the crinolines. I would have grabbed
Mama by her… 135
16
Iturned and stared. Had I not had a vision
check… 148
17
Ed Crawford answered the door on the first
ring. He… 156
18
Igasped. “Who were they?” 167
19
“If that stupid sheep’s eaten my bush—” 178
20
My first reaction was to tense up when I saw… 187
21
“Oh my God, you didn’t quit, did you? You’re
having… 196
22
“Ibeg your pardon!” 207
23
The traffic gods were with me and it took me… 218
24
“Well, it seems that woman received an
anonymous call from… 231
25
Try that as your opening line sometime. It is
a… 242
26
I bought a silk animal print scarf at Dillard’s
for… 255
27
“If I may sit.” Both my ankle and head were… 264
28
“I still can’t believe you’re moving to
Charleston,” Wynnell said… 274
About the Author
Other Books by Tamar Myers
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
1
I
t isn’t every day that a headless woman rings my
doorbell. You can be sure, therefore, that I exam-
ined this one closely. She was about five feet, six
inches tall, sans head, which she held in her right
hand. Her severed neck was abnormally large, es-
pecially considering the fact that there was a bit of it
still attached to her noggin. I peered harder. Yup,
there were two eyeholes about five inches down.
“Wynnell!” I cried delightedly. “I’m so glad
you’re early. I can use all the help I can get. The
caterer got sick at the last minute, and although I
have all the food, it needs assembling.”
The bloody stump blinked. “How did you know
it was me?”
“Because you’re my best friend. I’d recognize
you no matter what you wore.” It would not have
been kind of me to mention that it was Wynnell’s
bushy eyebrows poking through the vision slits
that had tipped me off.
My buddy sighed and stepped over the thresh-
old. Then, really seeing me for the first time, she
gasped.
1
2 Tamar Myers
“Abby! How did you do it?”
“Do what?” I said with a coy smile.
“You’re a foot taller. At least!”
“Am I?” I smoothed a portion of my antebellum
skirt, which, suspended as it was by hoops and
crinolines, puffed in all directions like an organza
igloo. Incidentally, I wasn’t alone under all that
material. My yellow tomcat, Dmitri, had been tick-
ling my ankles with his tail ever since I’d gotten
dressed.
“Abby, tell me, or I’m going to peek.”
“No need,” I said and hoisted my hemline.
Dmitri took one look at my headless visitor,
hissed, and shot out of the room like there was a
pack of dogs in pursuit.
Wynnell laughed and peered more closely.
“Stilts?”
“Greg made them. I’ve been practicing all
week.”
Perhaps I should explain that I am normally
only four feet, nine inches tall. My fiancé, Greg, is
just over six feet. We would have made an odd
Scarlett and Rhett without my wooden ap-
pendages. This not to say we make an odd couple
in real life, but you know what I mean. Besides, if
the hooped skirt gave me the opportunity to expe-
rience the rarefied strata to which the rest of you
folks are accustomed, why not go for it?
“How do you manage to keep your balance?”
Wynnell asked, as she bumped against the hall
console.
“I don’t always,” I said, remembering my