Mr Darcy's Guide to Courtship: The Secrets of Seduction from Jane Austen's Most Eligible Bachelor

190 Pages·2013·3.62 MB·English

by  Fitzwilliam Darcy

MR DARCY’S GUIDE TO
COURTSHIP
Fitzwilliam Darcy
As dictated to Miss Emily Brand
1812

Dedicated to Mr. Charles Bingley.
May this cure you once and for all of your
utterly disastrous taste in females.
To Court. v.a [from the noun.]
To woo; to solicit a woman to marriage.
– Dr Johnson’s Dictionary, 1755
PREFACE
THE modern modes of courtship being, as they are, perfectly abominable, I
am convinced that no apology is required for the publication of this small
volume on the subject. The unbridled improprieties daily to be observed in
the conduct of young lovers are manifest even in the most fashionable circles,
rendering many otherwise amiable creatures as disgusting to society as they are
dangerous to themselves. These counsels were originally composed for the
benefit of an esteemed friend, whose virtuous heart, open countenance, and
almost cretinous inability to detect a lady of dubious intentions have conspired to
disappoint him in affairs of the heart three times in as many months. In making
them available to a general audience I hope to restore some decorum to modern
romance, and to show how amorous addresses may efficiently and successfully
be brought to a conclusion.
I presume that no introduction as to the particulars of my character and social
standing are required, and I shall not waste my time and ink in relaying them.
My repose being relentlessly disturbed by the swoons of passing ladies, I have
long suspected that something in my countenance is irresistibly pleasing to the
fairer sex. I flatter myself that being in possession of noble blood, a considerable
estate, and being generally owned to be the most eligible bachelor in Derbyshire
– in short a gentleman of great parts – I am quite qualified to pen a few short
words on this delicate subject. Indeed, undisturbed as I am by the burdens
attending the maintenance of a wife, I believe I shall suffer no check to the
strength of my genius from beginning to end.
I am not at all solicitous to know whether the reader likes it or not; I am quite
confident that it will commend itself to men and women of understanding, and
therefore whosoever dislikes it deserves no claim to that title. I certainly have no
reason to make apologies for the imbecility of my reader.
February 1812
PREFACE
TO THE SECOND EDITION
AS GOOD WINE needs no bush, so neither does this second edition of Mr
Darcy’s Guide to Courtship stand in need of a commendatory epistle. The
remarkable quality of the insights afforded by the original volume
precluded any personal astonishment at the violence of the popular response, but
I admit to being rather ill-prepared for the disorder that has rained down on
Pemberley in the intervening months.
I have been deluged with letters from my readers – some noble and many,
regrettably, vulgar – seeking advice on how they may better conduct their
amours. Although I care not for indulging the whims of the common rabble, yet I
will attempt to be civil to those who could at least construct a tolerable sentence:
I conclude this revised edition with a selection of the complaints, to which is
added my own honest counsel, and I trust that this puts an end to the matter. All
missives received henceforth shall be promptly and unceremoniously dispatched
to the fire.
September 1812

CONTENTS
I: Romance in the Regency Era
II: Making Oneself Agreeable
III: Selecting a Wife
IV: Winning her Affections
V: The Proposal
VI: Ask Darcy
Editor’s Note: There are some errata in this book, but the Author says he is too
busy and important to give you a note of them.