Mom and Dad - Art of Parenting

302 Pages·1·1.085 MB·English

by  Jayasimha

Jayasimha’s
Mom & Dad
Art of Parenting
Squadron Leader
Jayasimha
Guinness World Record Holder
Memory Maestro, Motivational Speaker,
Trainer & Author
Mom and Dad
Art of Parenting
© All Rights Reserved
Squadron Leader Jayasimha
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise,
without the prior permission of the Author.
© Squadron Leader Jayasimha
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E-mail: [email protected]
Website: www.jayasimha.in
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Foreword
Any parent reading this quote would wholeheartedly agree that it is the
correct state of affairs today:
“Children love luxury. They have bad manners…. And love to chatter.
They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their
parents…. Gobble up dainties at the table…. And are tyrants over their
teachers”
The irony is that this statement was made by Greek Philosopher 2500
years ago! This highlights the fact that parents have never understood
children, and perhaps never will.
Yet understanding the parent – child relationship is not as difficult as it
is made out to be. If we could just start with a simple understanding,
ably worded by Katherine C Kersey in Art of Sensitive parenting:
“Children are given to us – on loan – for a very short period of time. They
come to us like a packet of flower seeds, with no pictures on the cover,
and no guarantees. We don’t know what they will look like, be like, act
like, or have the potential to become.”
“Our job, like the gardener’s, is to meet their needs as best as we can;
to give proper nourishment, love, attention and care, and to hope for
the best.”
It is true, as another great thinker said, that “Children have never been
good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate
them”. Time has come, for every parent and adult dealing with children
to ask himself/herself whether he/she is setting a good example by his/
her own behaviour or not.
Earlier, children were taught as to how to behave and conduct themselves
with the parents and adults. But today, with changing times the parents
are taught as to how to behave ,conduct themselves and communicate
with the children. In India, there was a time when parents knew instinctively
how to raise their children – both daughters and sons according to time-
honored traditions. This approach has lead to lot of misunderstandings
and problems between the parents and the children.
Hence, parenting implies virtuous and righteous living. It is a position
of great responsibility coupled with love. Parents by their lifestyle, have
to create a rich background, which ensures the blossoming of their
children into powerful, creative and responsible citizens. Hence, instead
of making assets for your children, make your children as assets of the
nation.
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Squadron Leader Jayasimha has come forward to venture into the most
important aspect, “Art of Parenting”. This book is the result of his
immense research, extensive reading and rich experience of handling
various training/counseling sessions for the parents and the children.
This book is practical, simple and easy to understand and implement.
I have been in the teaching profession for many decades and have had
the huge experience of handling thousands of parents and students. It
really touches me when I recollect the eagerness of the parents to ensure
that their children succeed in life. Today being their representative as
the Member of Legislative Council, Andhra Pradesh, I am still fighting
for the betterment of this society.
I really appreciate Squadron Leader Jayasimha, the first and only Indian
to have made maximum Guinness Book of World Records for his
stupendous efforts in making such a great contribution to this society
through his seminars and self improvement books.
This book is not to be read as a novel and kept aside. It can be a
valuable referral whenever a doubt arises, or whenever a child reaches
a cross roads.
I congratulate Squadron Leader Jayasimha for taking up this challenge
of writing such a wonderful book for helping out the parents.
I request all the parents to read, learn and put into practice all the
points that are brought out in this book for their benefit.
Chukka Ramaiah
Member of Legislative Council
Hyderabad.
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Preface
My Dad
“How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child’s board. It is like an
aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted.”
“Father in Heaven! When the thought of thee wakes in our hearts, let
it not awaken like a frightened bird that flies about in dismay, but like
a child waking from its sleep with a heavenly smile.”
My Mom
“Mother” is the only word which is beyond any definition.
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your
problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the
ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”
I was born into a family with seven children in a small village in the
Telangana Region of Andhra Pradesh. My mother had to single handedly
take care of us in our childhood. All that she knew was tailoring. I can
still vividly remember how she used stitch clothes till late into the night,
under the lantern. In spite of her failing health, she would tie a towel
around her waist and continue her work. She always told my elder brother
and me to study well. This had motivated me to top at my school and
get into the Indian Air Force at seventeen years of age. From the lowest
rank in the Air Force, I went on to become a Squadron Leader and later
a trainer, speaker and an author. I owe all my growth to her. The exemplary
way she lived her life, her sacrifice for all of us had a great impact on
me.
“I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me.
They have clung to me all my life.”
“ A mother’s love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do
the impossible.”
Every time I think of my life, I think of my mother because I am her
shadow and I always wanted to write a book on what good parenting can
do for a child. This book is a result of that inspiration.
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You may wonder why I have narrated this story of mine in the
beginning of a book, ‘Mom & Dad (Art of Parenting).’ I did so as this is
the way parents hand down their wisdom and legacies to their children
without any expectations of perceptible return. I am one such product
of passed on wisdom and inspiration.
The parents dedicate themselves selflessly to the child because
they know that what they give would be returned to the world ten times
over in different forms. If a child has grown up getting love and
understanding, this security cushion that bolstered him would color his
attitude to the whole world. He would pass on that love and understanding
to all those he would come into contact with. It would form the basis of
his relationship with the rest of the world, of his attitude in exploring
the world, of his resilience when the going gets tough, of his ability to
enter into other relationships and his reactions to the bouquets and
brickbats he would receive from life. He would, in short, tend to see
the whole world, the way his parents saw him, as something to be loved
and cherished.
Needless to say, for a child who was denied its rights by the parents,
entering into a balanced give and take relationship with the world would
be an uphill task.
However imperative and enjoyable this giving to one’s child is, it has
to be a controlled giving. Too much indulgence, instead of assuring the
child, might become counterproductive by spoiling him. And too much
disciplining, like setting rigid rules, demanding implicit obedience etc.
might tend to make him a rebel. This need to “control the giving” is
what turns parenting into an art.
Though all of us carry the gift of this art within us genetically, like other
creative arts, some schooling in it will not be unwelcome. Part of the
training is obtained effortlessly, by unconsciously imbibing what our
parents did to us. The rest we have to consciously incorporate into our
curriculum. Changing times make children’s requirements different from
what it was at one’s own time. Earlier, parents’ dreams for their children
were an extension of their own dreams. In the fast changing world, the
quality of those dreams has become different. Parents, saddled with
the job of dreaming the dreams of children, in order to realize them,
have to keep their eyes and ears open all the time to continuously absorb
the changing patterns of life. Despite their adjustments, the trajectories
of their children’s evolution could be substantially different from what
they planned. They have to get reconciled to that also.
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As a soft skills trainer, my earlier works were centered more on reaching
the goal, training oneself for better performance etc. But during my
interaction with many enthusiastic youngsters whom I trained, I felt
that ambition to succeed in life is not the only fact that fuels the flame
of their zeal. Human mind found continued sustenance in personal
relationships. It gave them the strength, the drive, to aim for the sky.
This realization of the potency of human relationships led me to my
work ‘Man-Woman Magic’ followed by the current one ‘Mom & Dad.’ The
two, as the readers know, are concatenated arenas.
Man seeks completion through spouse. And together they seek completion
and continuation through progeny. As days bundle themselves into weeks,
months and years, they seek and find fruition, progression, achievement
and total fulfillment by nurturing and bringing up the symbol of their
love.
And no human being, who as a child has known the warmth of parental
protection and guidance, can fail to understand the lasting influence of
it in his or her life. One may not be overtly conscious of its impact
often, but many circumstances in life would show how one’s decisions
are strongly influenced by what has been imbibed from one’s parents.
The American presidential candidate, Barack Obama has to say this about
the single mother who brought him up: “she possessed an abiding sense
of wonder, a reverence for life and its precious, transitory nature……
She saw mysteries everywhere and took joy in the sheer strangeness of
life. It is only in retrospect, of course, that I fully understand how deeply
this spirit of hers influenced me……it was my mother’s fundamental faith
– in the goodness of people and in the ultimate value of this brief life
we’ve each been given – that channeled those (my) ambitions. It was in
search of confirmation of her values that I studied political philosophy,
looking for both a language and systems of action that could help build
community and make justice real.”
When a person is thus conscious of the abiding parental influence in his
life, he yearns to redeem himself by passing on that legacy to the next
generation. It becomes an overpowering need in him to bequest to another
something of an equally lasting value.
I have myself got love, guidelines and encouragement in unquantifiable
measure. I have, at different stages of my life, experienced the wide
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spectrum of emotions that fuel the overpowering need to hand over all
that to another. Thus, this work is also my effort to freeze within the
pages of a book, the brilliant rhythms of the give and take, I have
experienced.
The job of parenting is a pleasure, an exacting duty and an obligation to
your parents, yourself and your child. It is a dream job that you do with
both feet firm on the ground. It is no child’s play, though playing with
your child is perhaps the most pleasurable thing that you do. It is a
gentle job that is very tough.
“Being Prime Minister is a difficult job but nothing’s more difficult than
being a parent,” British Prime Minister Tony Blair said once.
No parent would disagree. At least no conscientious parent would.
The responsibility is awesome and failure to perform is crushing.
Nevertheless it is a burden that people like to bear. It is a drudgery that
they enjoy.
Hence, this book focuses on the relationship of a parent with his child,
and on the bonding with your own parents – since this is so often the
source of your emotional patterns determining your other relationships.
The purpose is to help you create loving and supportive relationships
you really want with your children.
From this book, the parents :
(a) Become more aware of how they affect their children and
learn to relate to them differently.
(b) Change limiting patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving
that restrict relationships with their children.
(c) Learn to identify, feel, express and heal their constricting
emotions such as anger, fear, disappointment, hurt and
shame.
(d) Learn how to respond rather than react to their children.
(e) Heal their past, so that they can stop passing it down to
their children.
Wish you all a Happy Parenting…………
Squadron Leader Jayasimha
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