Mars and Venus in Love: Inspiring and Heartfelt Stories of Relationships That Work

194 Pages·2002·0.67 MB·English

by  John Gray

M
ARS
AND
V s Inspiring
enu
and
Heartfelt
Stories
L
of
OVE
Relationships
IN
That
Work
JOHN GRAY, Ph.D.
This book is dedicated with
deepest love and affection
to my wife, Bonnie Gray.
Her love, vulnerability, wisdom, and strength
have allowed me to
fall in love with her again and again.
Contents
Acknowledgments v
Introduction 1
1 Mars and Venus in Love 7
2 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus 13
3 Men and Their Caves 31
4 Speaking Different Languages 52
5 The Martians Are Coming 79
6 Greetings from Mars and Venus 109
7 Mars and Venus Together Forever 148
Afterword 181
About the Author
Other Books by John Gray
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
Acknowledgments
�
thank my wife, Bonnie Gray, for sharing the journey of
developing this book with me. I thank her for her
patience and support and most of all her commitment to
making sure our relationship doesn’t get forgotten with the
demands of writing and teaching seminars.
I thank our three daughters, Shannon, Julie, and
Lauren, for their continued love and encouragement. It is
wonderful to feel the support of my family for the work I
do. Thank you, Lauren, for your help in writing the first
chapter and the special encouraging messages you put on
my computer.
I thank my agent, Patti Breitman, who first suggested
that we make this book, for her continued friendship and
support. I thank my international agent, Linda Michaels,
for getting my books published around the world in thirty-
seven different languages.
I thank Suzanne Lipsett who personally interviewed
many of the people who had written letters to gather more
information. Her editorial assistance enormously improved
this book and made it so much easier for me. I thank Diane
Reverend for her expert feedback and editorial advice. I
x ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
thank Jack McKeown for his continued involvement in the
direction of my work and his marketing genius in making
my books available to the public. I thank the staff at
HarperCollins for their responsiveness to my needs. I could
not ask for a better publisher.
I thank Michael Najarian for consistently organizing
and producing sellout seminars for me around the country. I
thank my assistant Susie Harris for her dedicated support in
organizing my office and schedule. I thank Reggie Henkart
for organizing the expansion of John Gray Seminars around
the world. I thank all the various organizations and pro-
moters in various cities who have invited me to speak in
their areas. I thank Bart and Merril Berens for beginning the
new Mars and Venus Facilitated. I thank Rami El Batrawi
at Genesis Media and Positive Response TV for making our
infomercial so enormously successful.
I thank the thousands of individuals and couples who
have taken the time to share with me their insights and sto-
ries of how understanding men are from Mars and women
are from Venus has made a positive impact in their lives.
Without their stories and participation in this project, Mars
and Venus in Love would not have been written.
Introduction
�
s the author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from
Venus, I have the regular benefit of hearing inspiring
success stories from individuals and couples. Practically
each day, someone will recognize me and come up with a
smile on his or her face thanking me for writing “that
book.” For years I was amazed. I knew that my seminars
were transformational experiences and helped to save
thousands of marriages, but I didn’t realize that simply
reading a book could have the same effect.
In a presentation, with thousands of people listening
to me speak, I can watch an idea or a little story sail out
into the crowd and see faces here and there light up, like
lightbulbs. I tell a story and with hardly a pause see peo-
ple around the room unmistakably and instantaneously
transformed. There is a wave of recognition and a
tremendous relief, followed sometimes with a burst of
laughter that for most reflects the following reactions:
• He knows what I’ve been feeling. Other people must
have felt that too. And here I’ve been feeling like I
2 JOHN GRAY
was the only one in the world who just couldn’t get
love right.
• The way he told about that couple’s problems, it
sounded so regular, not crazy at all. Does that mean
the way our marriage has been going might actually
be normal?
• Pheww! I’m not alone. Other people have felt that too.
• Aha, that’s why that happened. Now it makes sense. I
can deal with this. It’s not so hopeless.
These “lightbulb” experiences are no small things.
They’re quick, but they aren’t transitory. People’s rela-
tionship problems are probably the most isolating events
they experience. They are hard to define and talk about,
particularly in a way that invokes compassion and under-
standing from our partners. When things aren’t working
and we don’t know how to put it into words or under-
stand what is happening, then naturally we begin to feel
doubts.
In the time it takes for a single lightbulb to go on,
people here and there throughout the audience are visibly
transformed by one message or another—the one that
makes a difference to them personally:
• We’ve gone through that! There’s nothing wrong with
us!
• That describes me. I’m not alone.
• I’ve always thought that love was enough, but I guess
there are things we needed to know to make it work.
In my seminars, I invite individuals and couples to
stand up and share examples from their own lives. The