Mark Twain's Helpful Hints for Good Living: A Handbook for the Damned Human Race

223 Pages·2004·3.36 MB·English

by  Mark Twain

JUMPING FROGS
Undiscovered, Rediscovered, and Celebrated Writings of Mark Twain
NAM E D AFTE R ON E OF MAR K TWAI N’S B E ST-KNOWN AN D MOST
B E LOVE D S HORT STOR I E S, TH E J U M PI NG FROG S S E R I E S OF BOOKS B R I NG S
N EG LECTE D TR EAS U R E S FROM MAR K TWAI N’S PE N TO R EADE RS.
1 . IS HE DEAD? A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS, 2003 .
2 . MARK TWAIN ’S HELPFUL HINTS FOR GOOD L IV ING:
A HANDBOOK FOR THE DAMNED
HUMAN RACE, 2004 .
Mark Twain’s Helpful Hints for Good Living
Mark Twain’s Helpful Hints for Good Living
A HANDBOOK FOR THE DAMNED HUMAN RACE
Edited by Lin Salamo, Victor Fischer,
and Michael B. Frank of the Mark Twain Project
THE MARK TWAIN PROJECT IS A RESEARCH AND EDITORIAL PROJECT
HOUSED WITHIN THE MARK TWAIN PAPERS AT THE BANCROFT LIBRARY,
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY.
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA PRESS
Berkeley Los Angeles London
Frontispiece: Mark Twain, September 1908.
Photograph by Isabel V. Lyon.
   
Berkeley and Los Angeles, California
University of California Press, Ltd.
London, England
© 2004 by The Regents of the University of California
© 1991, 1997, and 2001 by Richard A. Watson and JP Morgan
Chase Bank as Trustees of the Mark Twain Foundation, which reserves
all reproduction or dramatization rights in every medium.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Twain, Mark, 1835–1910.
Mark Twain’s helpful hints for good living : a handbook for the
damned human race / Mark Twain ; edited by Lin Salamo, Victor Fischer,
and Michael B. Frank of the Mark Twain Project
p. cm.—(Jumping frogs ; 2)
Includes bibliographical references.
 0-520-24245-9 (cloth : alk. paper)
1. Conduct of life—Quotations, maxims, etc. 2. Conduct of life—
Literary collections. 3. Twain, Mark, 1835–1910—Quotations.
I. Salamo, Lin. II. Fischer, Victor, 1942– III. Frank, Michael B.
IV. Bancroft Library. Mark Twain Project. V. Title.
1303.S25 2004
818'.409—dc22 2003024224
Manufactured in the United States of America
13 12 11 10 09 08 07 06 05 04
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements
of / 39.48–1992 ( 1997) (Permanence of Paper). 8
The human race consists of the
damned and the ought-to-be damned.
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy
conscience: this is the ideal life.
  ’ , 
+ Contents∂
List of Illustrations / xiii
 / 
 ::   / 
A Letter of Apology / 
About the Effect of Intemperate Language / 
Be Good, Be Good. A Poem. / 
An Innovative Dinner Party Signal System / 
About American Manners / 
Breaking It Gently / 
Courtesy to Unexpected Visitors / 
At the Funeral / 
A Telephonic Conversation / 
 ::      / 
A Christmas Wish / 
Proposal Regarding Local Flooding / 
Complaint about Unreliable Service / 
Notice about a Stolen Umbrella / 
An Appeal against Injudicious Swearing / 