Love Online: Emotions on the Internet

303 Pages·2004·1.28 MB·English

by  Aaron Ben-Ze'ev

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LoveOnline
“Computershavechangednotjustthewayweworkbutthewaywe
love.Fallinginandoutoflove,flirting,cheating,evenhavingsexon-
linehaveallbecomepartofthemodernwayoflivingandloving.Yet
weknowverylittleaboutthesenewtypesofrelationship.Howisan
onlineaffairwherethetwopeopleinvolvedmayneverseeormeeteach
otherdifferentfromanaffairintherealworld?Isonlinesexstillcheat-
ingonyourpartner?Whydopeopletellcompletestrangerstheirmost
intimatesecrets?Whataretherulesofengagement?Willonlineaffairs
changethemonogamousnatureofromanticrelationships?”Theseare
just some of the questions Professor Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, distinguished
writer and academic, addresses in the first full-length study of love
online.Accessible,shocking,entertaining,enlightening,thisbookwill
changethewayyoulookatcyberspaceandloveforever.
aaron ben-ze’ev is Rector of the University of Haifa, Professor of
PhilosophyandCo-DirectoroftheCentreforInterdisciplinaryResearch
onEmotionsattheUniversityofHaifa.Hehaspublishedextensively
onemotion,mostrecentlyTheSubtletyofEmotions(2000).

Love
Online
EmotionsontheInternet
AARON BEN-ZE’EV
cambridge university press
Cambridge, New York, Melbourne, Madrid, Cape Town, Singapore, São Paulo
Cambridge University Press
The Edinburgh Building, Cambridge cb2 2ru, UK
Published in the United States of America by Cambridge University Press, New York
www.cambridge.org
Information on this title: www.cambridge.org/9780521832960
© Aaron Ben-Ze’ev 2004
This publication is in copyright. Subject to statutory exception and to the provision of
relevant collective licensing agreements, no reproduction of any part may take place
without the written permission of Cambridge University Press.
First published in print format 2004
isbn-13 978-0-511-16521-4 eBook (EBL)
isbn-10 0-511-16521-8
eBook (EBL)
isbn-13 978-0-521-83296-0 hardback
isbn-10 0-521-83296-9 hardback
Cambridge University Press has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of urls
for external or third-party internet websites referred to in this publication, and does not
guarantee that any content on such websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.
ToRuth,myreallove

Contents
Preface pagexi
1 Theseductivespace 1
Theinteractiverevolutioninimagination 1
Cyberloveandcybersex 4
Letter,telegraph,andtelephone 7
Mobiletexting 14
Theegalitarianspace 16
ThelureoftheNet 18
Theriskyspace 20
Summary 23
2 Theparadoxicalnatureofonlinerelationships 26
Detachedattachment 26
Distanceandimmediacy 27
Leanandrichcommunication 30
Anonymityandself-disclosure 34
Sincerityanddeception 42
Continuityanddiscontinuity 46
Physicalandmentalinvestment 49
Distantrelationships 51
Summary 55
3 EmotionsontheNet 58
Thetypicalcauseofemotion:Aperceivedsignificantchange 58
Thetypicalemotionalconcern:Acomparativepersonal
concern 60
vii
viii Contents
Typicalcharacteristicsandcomponents 63
Emotionalintensity 66
Emotionsandintelligence 70
Netiquette 73
Summary 76
4 Onlineimagination 78
Emotionsandimagination 78
Therealityofonlineimagination 80
Excitinginformation 83
Therealityofromanticandsexualimagination 86
Dangersofonlineimagination 88
Regretandonlineaffairs 91
Summary 93
5 Onlineprivacyandemotionalcloseness 95
Privacy:Initialdistinctions 96
Typesofprivacy 97
Privacy,emotionalcloseness,andopenness 100
Onlinecloseness 102
Onlineopenness 106
Emotionalpretenseandsexualharassment 108
Thetransparentsociety 111
Shameincyberspace 114
Summary 118
6 Isitworthit? 120
Extrinsicallyandintrinsicallyvaluableactivities 120
Loveandsex 123
Happiness 126
Typesofonlineintimateactivities 129
Typesofactivitiesinvolvedincybersex 131
Theincompletenatureofonlineaffairs 133
Summary 143
7 Flirtingon-andoffline 145
Onlineconversations 145
Onlineaffairsasflirting 149