Table Of ContentLOVE IN THE AGE
OF THE INTERNET
LOVE IN THE AGE
OF THE INTERNET
Attachment in the
Digital Era
Edited by
Linda Cundy
First published in 2015 by
Karnac Books Ltd
118 Finchley Road, London NW3 5HT
Copyright © 2015 to Linda Cundy for the edited collection, and to the
individual authors for their contributions
The rights of the contributors to be identified as the authors of this work
have been asserted in accordance with §§ 77 and 78 of the Copyright Design
and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the
prior written permission of the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A C.I.P. for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 78220 146 5
Edited, designed and produced by The Studio Publishing Services Ltd
www.publishingservicesuk.co.uk
e-mail: [email protected]
Printed in Great Britain
www.karnacbooks.com
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS vii
ABOUT THE EDITOR AND CONTRIBUTORS ix
INTRODUCTION xiii
LOOKING BACK AND LOOKING FORWARD
by Linda Cundy
CHAPTER ONE
Attachment, self-experience, and communication 1
technology: love in the age of the Internet
Linda Cundy
CHAPTER TWO
A tangled web: Internet pornography, sexual addiction, 31
and the erosion of attachment
John Beveridge
CHAPTER THREE
Net gains and losses: digital technology and the couple 53
Anne Power and Linda Cundy
v
vi CONTENTS
CHAPTER FOUR
Desire and memory: the impact of Internet pornography 81
on the couple relationship, and processing of early trauma
in therapy
Jenny Riddell
CHAPTER FIVE
Surviving as a psychotherapist in the twenty-first century 99
Linda Cundy
CHAPTER SIX
The use of telephone and Skype in psychotherapy: 125
reflections of an attachment therapist
Niki Reeves
CHAPTER SEVEN
Finding words: the use of email in psychotherapy 153
with a disorganised and dissociating client
Tony Hanford
CHAPTER EIGHT
The ethereal m/other 169
Linda Cundy
CHAPTER NINE
It takes a village: co-creation of community in the 177
digital age
Lindsay Hamilton
INDEX 197
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I extend my gratitude to Dr Maggie Turp for her guidance through-
out the sometimes stressful process of writing and editing, and to
Judy Davies for her very skilful proof reading of my work. Also to Iro
Tsavala for the lovely, evocative cover image that so elegantly conveys
the potential of technology to both connect people and to alienate.
Thanks, too, to John Priestley, Paula Stone, and Joanna Benfield at
the Wimbledon Guild Counselling Service for their enthusiasm for
attachment over many years: they have given me opportunities and an
environment in which to develop my ideas through the training
courses we have evolved there. The original idea for this book was
sparked while running a training day on attachment at the Wimbled on
Guild, and it was Toni Rodgers, who was present that day, who invited
me to write a paper to present for the Counselling Centre, Tunbridge
Wells conference in 2012; a version of that paper is included here as
chapter one.
This, my first attempt at writing for publication and at editing, was
made easier by the staff at Karnac, in particular, Rod Tweedy and
Constance Govindin, who responded reliably to all of my queries and
guided me through each step, and Oliver Rathbone.
vii
viii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I thank all the authors who have contributed work to this book:
finding time to think creatively, research, and write numerous proofs
alongside full schedules as psychotherapists, supervisors, and
teachers, demands great commitment. I really appreciate all the effort
made to meet various deadlines, and your gracious acceptance of my
editing and feedback. I extend special appreciation to Anne Power,
who has encouraged me to write, often meeting my stubborn resis-
tance, throughout our long friendship.
Finally, many thanks to close friends and families of each con-
tributor, and my own nearest and dearest, for tolerating the preoccu-
pation and absence of your attachment figures for so many months. I
imagine that you have felt abandoned or, at least, short-changed on
many occasions when your loved one had little time or energy to
share with you. I hope you feel proud of their achievements and enjoy
the book.
ABOUT THE EDITOR AND CONTRIBUTORS
John Beveridge is a UKCP registered, attachment-based psycho-
analytic psychotherapist, supervisor, and trainer working in private
practice in Central London. His thirty-four years in recovery from
addiction, and further training in the treatment of sex addiction and
trauma reduction with Pia Melody at The Meadows, Arizona and at
The Sensorimotor Institute, informs his work with people in recovery
from trauma, chemical dependency, sex and relationship addiction,
emotional anorexia, and co-dependency. He enjoys public speaking
and sharing his clinical expertise on the connections between attach-
ment, trauma and addiction. John is a trustee with ATSAC—a non-
profit-making professional association dedicated to providing
education and information about sex addiction and compulsivity.
Linda Cundy is an attachment-based psychoanalytic psychotherapist
with a private practice in North London. She has taught for two
decades on counselling and psychotherapy courses and is also an
independent trainer specialising in attachment, human development,
and clinical practice. She is Course Director and lead tutor of the
Post-Graduate Diploma in Attachment-based Therapy, and consultant
to the Foundation Diploma in Attachment-based Counselling, both at
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