Table Of ContentLiving in the in-between as an Ismaili Muslim woman: An autoethnography
by
Shemine Alnoor Gulamhusei n
BA, University of Waterloo, 200 9
MA, University of Victoria, 201 3
A Dissertation Submitted in Partial Fulfillme nt
of the Requirementsf or the Degree of
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY
in the School of Child and Youth Car e
Shemine Alnoor Gulamhusein, 201 8
University of Victoria
All rights reserved. This thesis may not be reproduced in whole or in part, by photocopy or other
means, without the permission of the autho r.
ii
Supervisory Committee
Living in the in-between as an Ismaili Muslim woman: An autoethnography
by
Shemine Alnoor Gulamhusei n
BA, University of Waterloo, 200 9
MA, University of Victoria, 201 3
Supervisory Committee
Dr. Daniel Scot t
School of Child and Youth Car e
Supervisor
Dr. Maria Carmen Rodriguez de Franc e
School of Child and Youth Car e
Departmental Membe r
Dr. Mehmoona Moosa-Mitha
School of Social Work
Outside Departmental Membe r
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Abstract
Supervisory Committee
Dr. Daniel Scott, School of Child and Youth Care
Supervisor
Dr. Maria Carmen Rodriguez de France, School of Child and Youth Care
Departmental Member
Dr. Mehmoona Moosa-Mitha, School of Social Work
Outside Departmental Member
This autoethnographic research project explores how a first -generation Canadian Ismaili
Muslim, grapples with the tensions of belonging and identity while living in the in -between
spaces of multiple social locations. Using an intersectional third -wave feminist approach, a
method I term “third -wave dervish”, I metaphorically spin in a similar manner to a whirling
dervish. Each spin provokes a round of critical reflection grounded in a node of intersect.
Throughout the dance, how each nod e of intersect – religion and spirituality, geographical
location, ethnicity and culture, and gender – implicates the in-between spaces I find myself
located within, on the periphery of, and wavering between is explored. Narratives from my early
years, adolescence, as a young adult in a graduate classroom, and as a young practitioner serve as
data. For the first time, du ring re-iterations of memories, experiences of being minoritized and
racialized are acknowledged and I begin to challenge gender binaries and offer insight into how I
unknowingly negotiated and navigated complex social spaces. Personal experiences and
reflections are then translated beyond the self to offer insight into how human and social
development practitioners can use the key findings of how a brown -bodied female moved
through childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. The dissertation offers sugges tions for
practitioners to actively engage in, understand, and respond to children and youth’s verbal and
non-verbal responses to experiences they are having. In addition, the text outlines the benefit of
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and ways in which practitioners may encourage diffi cult conversations with clients who are
minoritized, and how to foster safe spaces for children, youth, and young adults to explore their
sense of belonging and identity.
Key Words: (1) Intersectionality, (2) In -between Spaces, (3) Ismaili Muslim, (4) Belonging, and
(5) Identity
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Table of Contents
Supervisory Committee ................................................................................................................ ii
Abstract ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ......... iii
Table of Contents ................................ ................................ ................................ .......................... v
List of Figures ................................ ................................ ................................ ............................... ix
Acknowledgments ................................ ................................ ................................ ......................... x
Dedication ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ..... xi
Glossary ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ....... xii
Chapter 1 ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ....... 1
Training for the Dance ................................ ................................ ................................ ................. 1
My Dance ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ....... 7
Allowing side-stepping ................................ ................................ ................................ ............................ 8
Parallel Dance: My Embodied Experiences ................................ ................................ ................................ .... 9
Chapter 2 ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ ..... 12
Preliminary Whirls in Current Literature ................................ ................................ ............... 12
Parallel Dance: A Note on Process ................................ ................................ ................................ ................ 12
Grappling with Feminism ................................ ................................ ................................ ..................... 16
Nodes of Intersectionality ................................ ................................ ................................ ..................... 24
Parallel Dance: Beyond the Four Nodes ................................ ................................ ................................ ........ 25
Religion and spirituality ................................ ................................ ................................ ....................... 26
Geographical Location ................................ ................................ ................................ .......................... 33
Ethnicity and Culture ................................ ................................ ................................ ........................... 37
Gender ................................ ................................ ................................ ................................ .................... 40
vi
Tying It All Together ............................................................................................................................ 44
Parallel Dancing: Physically Moving from Literature to Methodology ........................................................ 45
Using the Whirling Dervish as a Method ............................................................................................ 48
Let’s Dance ............................................................................................................................................. 51
Chapter 3 ..................................................................................................................................... 52
Method – Third-Wave Dervish .................................................................................................. 52
Data Narration ....................................................................................................................................... 56
Re-interpreting the Data .................................................................................................................... 59
Parallel Dance: Practical Description of Method ........................................................................................ 62
Autoethnography Limitations ........................................................................................................... 63
Working through constant re-interpretations .................................................................................. 66
Consistently an insider ....................................................................................................................... 67
Ethical Research Considerations ...................................................................................................... 69
Potential risks and benefits ................................................................................................................ 69
Confidentiality ................................................................................................................................... 70
Chapter 4 ..................................................................................................................................... 72
Whirling in my early years......................................................................................................... 72
Resisting faith-based learning ........................................................................................................... 73
Faith-based Girl Guides ..................................................................................................................... 75
Balancing My Spinning ...................................................................................................................... 77
Whirling as a Girl .............................................................................................................................. 79
Spinning in the Nodes of Religion, Ethnicity and Culture ............................................................... 86
Parallel Dance: Bringing the Body to Call ................................................................................................. 91
Momentary Calmness ........................................................................................................................ 92
Chapter 5 ..................................................................................................................................... 95
vii
Physically Whirling into Adolescence ....................................................................................... 95
A winter sport as a first-generation Canadian ................................................................................... 97
Needing to move, in Dar es Salaam...................................................................................................... 98
Spinning Around Spinning ................................................................................................................. 101
Parallel Dancing: Knowing Through My Body........................................................................................... 103
Re-focusing my Spinning ................................................................................................................. 104
Because I am Brown ......................................................................................................................... 109
Parallel Dancing: From Immigrant to Privileged ...................................................................................... 115
Stepping Back Into My Initial Whirl .............................................................................................. 117
Moving through spiritual, ethnic and cultural tensions ................................................................ 118
Chapter 6 ................................................................................................................................ 125
Whirling as a Young Adult .................................................................................................... 125
Narrating my Experience as a Young Adult ................................................................................... 126
In the Classroom .............................................................................................................................. 126
As a Young Practitioner................................................................................................................... 130
Triggering My Perspective of Re-interpretation ............................................................................ 134
Building Momentum (Insight) to Whirl .......................................................................................... 138
Parallel Dance: Critically Reflecting on the Start of Human Change ........................................................ 139
Returning to my Initial Spinning .................................................................................................... 140
Situating ethnicity and culture in my spinning............................................................................... 142
Parallel Dance: Journey to an Academic Self............................................................................................ 146
Returning to the Wooden Dance Floor............................................................................................ 148
Chapter 7 ................................................................................................................................ 154
Seeking Understanding in Stillness ........................................................................................ 154
Tensions within the Nodes ............................................................................................................... 156
viii
Contemplating my gendered body ..................................................................................................... 159
Practice Implication #1: Understanding Child and Youth Responses ......................................................... 163
Living in a supportive family ............................................................................................................. 165
Practical Implication #2: Engaging in Conversation ................................................................................... 167
Thinking safety .................................................................................................................................... 171
Practical Implication #3: Creating Safety .................................................................................................... 174
Closing My Cloak ................................................................................................................................ 177
Chapter 8 ................................................................................................................................... 180
Returning to my Coffee Table ................................................................................................. 180
The Last Pencil Mark.......................................................................................................................... 190
Bibliography .............................................................................................................................. 194
Appendix I ................................................................................................................................. 208
Whirling in my Early Years ............................................................................................................... 208
Resisting faith-based learning ............................................................................................................ 208
Faith-based Girl Guides ...................................................................................................................... 208
Physically Whirling into Adolescence................................................................................................ 209
A winter sport as a first-generation Canadian ................................................................................. 209
Needing to move, in Dar es Salaam.................................................................................................... 210
Whirling as a Young Adult ................................................................................................................. 211
In the Classroom .................................................................................................................................. 211
As a Young Practitioner...................................................................................................................... 212
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List of Figures
FIGURE 1: MANDALA CREATION .................................................................................................... 46
FIGURE 2: A DERVISH DANCES ...................................................................................................... 47
FIGURE 3: THE BEGINNINGS OF MYR EFLECTIVE PROCESS ............................................................ .5. 7
FIGURE 4: NEVER FULLY COMPLETE ................................ ................................ .............................. 67
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Acknowledgments
Without my family, I would not be writing. Thus, my utmost gratitude is extended to my
parents and brother. It is only because of you that I am able to present this work to others. You
have offered me space to negotiate and navigate the in-between, allowed me to create my own
border territories, and honoured my search to find my sense of belonging and identity beyond the
peripheries or previously allocated social locations. Along the way you have helped care for my
wounds, physical and emotional, and have constantly challenged me to be better, to be humble,
and to remain grateful. Each of you are the cornerstones to my success, the joy that fills my
being, and the love that is shared in our home(s).
To my mentor and supervisor, Dr. Daniel Scott: few words express how grateful I am for your
guidance. You have helped me and encouraged me to become witness to my own strengths and
challenges, have allowed me to extend my knowledge into the unknown, to reclaim my somatic
self, and always read my work with generosity. Thank you for the constant reassurance and
motivation throughout my graduate studies journey, as well as providing me the desired space to
try wildly exciting approaches to learning and research. Your inspiration will forever underlie
my academic and professional practices.
To Dr. Carmen Rodriguez de France and Dr. Mehmoona Moosa-Mitha: my heartfelt
appreciation for accompanying my journey and dancing alongside the various whirls this project
has led me on. Your constant feedback and expertise has helped create a piece of art.
Lastly, to my friends: let us raise a glass. Simply yet with ample esteem, thank you!
