Literally, the Best Language Book Ever: Annoying Words and Abused Phrases You Should Never Use Again

210 Pages·2008·0.98 MB·English

by  Paul Yeager

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Annoying Words and Abused Phrases
You Should Never Use Again
PAUL YEAGER

A PE R IG E E B O OK
A PERIGEE BOOK
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
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Copyright © 2008 by Paul Yeager
Text design by Tiffany Estreicher
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Yeager, Paul.
Literally, the best language book ever : annoying words and abused phrases you should never use
again / Paul Yeager.— 1st ed.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN: 1-4362-1468-8
1. English language—Errors of usage. 2. English language—Usage. I. Title.
PE1460.Y39 2008.
428—dc22 2007046160
CONTENTS
Introduction vii
1. Wrong Answer; Please Try Again 1
GRAMMAR ERRORS
2. Play It Again, Sam 17
ERRORS OF REDUNDANCY AND REPETITION
3. Verbification 33
NOUNS BEING INCORRECTLY USED AS VERBS
4. Abused and Misused 47
CONTRIVED WORDS AND WORDS USED INCORRECTLY
5. That Makes No Sense, Captain Kirk 59
ILLOGICAL WORDS AND PHRASES
6. It’s All Bad . . . Believe Me 69
EXCESSIVELY TRENDY WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS
7. What a Way to Make a Living 85
INEFFECTIVE WORKPLACE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS
8. You Thought You Were Clever, But . . . 103
PHRASES THAT MAY HAVE BEEN WITTY
THE FIRST TIME THEY WERE USED
9. That’s Not What I Meant 115
INARTICULATE LANGUAGE
10. Insincerity Is the Highest Form of Flattery 131
INSINCERE OR DISMISSIVE PHRASES
11. Older Than Dirt 143
COMMON CLICHÉS AND IRRELEVANT PHRASES
12. Stop Playing Games 159
INEFFECTIVE SPORTS TERMINOLOGY
13. Write Your Own Book 171
MY PERSONAL LANGUAGE PET PEEVES
Index 189
{ vi }
Contents
INTRODUCTION
You’re not safe from them anywhere. There are more of them
today than there were yesterday, and there will be even more of
them tomorrow. They’re at work. They’re at home. In fact, your
parents, beloved grandparents, spouses, friends, and co-workers
are all part of the problem, and if you’re honest, you’ll have to
admit that you are, too.
I’m talking, of course, about language abuses—you know,
the words, phrases, or expressions that make you want to stand
up in a crowded room and desperately scream, “Is there a lan-
guage expert in the house?” Most of us have felt that way at one
time or another, and how could we not? Daily conversations are
so overstuffed with words and phrases that are trite, trendy,
grammatically incorrect, inane, outdated, or inappropriately
informal that listening is sometimes impossible.
Instead of simply saying what we mean in our own words,
we now use prepackaged phrases, ineffective trendy expres-
sions, and redundancies more than ever before. After hearing
reach out at work ten times before lunch, I often wish that monks
weren’t the only group of people who were known to take a
vow of silence. Instead of thinking of a unique solution, we must
think outside the box. Instead of something being finished, it has to
be completely finished. Nothing is merely essential any longer;
it’s absolutely essential.
We’re also turning perfectly fine nouns into verbs at an un-
precedented rate, with the result being many awkward non-
words being added to our vocabularies. Instead of assigning a
task to someone, we’re now tasking someone with an assignment.
Instead of having a dialogue with someone, we’re dialoguing with
him. Instead of making a transition, we’re transitioning from one
thing to another. What’s next? Instead of asking someone to
turn on a lamp or get a glass of water, are we going to ask him to
lamp the room or glass some water?
One of my personal favorites, and part of the inspiration for
the title of this book, is the need for drama or, more accurately,
melodrama in our language. It’s not expressive enough to have
had a bad day; it’s got to be the worst day ever. It’s not good
enough to have had a good birthday; it has to be the best birthday
ever. It’s nearly impossible to go through an entire conversation
without hearing at least one worst ever, best ever, most ever,
smallest ever, biggest ever, loudest ever, greatest ever, fastest ever,
slowest ever. . . .
Ever, ever, ever over and over and over again; tell me that’s not
annoying!
{ viii }
Introduction