Lists of Note: An Eclectic Collection Deserving of a Wider Audience

338 Pages·2015·230.277 MB·English

by  Shaun Usher

L I S T S
O F
An Eclectic Collection
Deserving of a
Wider Audience
N O T E
COMPILED BY SHAUN USHER
CHRONICLE BOOKS
SAN FRANCISCO
This book is dedicated to my three favorite people:
1. Karina
2. Billy
3. Danny
First published In the United States of America In 2015 by Chronicle Books, LLC
First published in Great Britain in 2014 by Canongate Books Ltd in conjunction
with Unbound
Compilation Copyright © Shaun Usher, 2014
Pages 313–315 constitute a continuation of the copyright page.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without
written permission from the publisher.
ISBN: 978-1-4521-5042-0 (epub, mobi)
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.
ISBN: 978-1-4521-4457-3 (hc)
Book design by Here Design
Cover design by Amanda Sim
Typesetting for US edition by Liam Flanagan
The moral right of the author has been asserted. While every effort has
been made to trace the owners of copyright material reproduced herein, the
publishers would like to apologize for any omissions and will be pleased to
incorporate missing acknowledgments in any further editions.
Chronicle Books, LLC
680 Second Street
San Francisco, California 94107
www.chroniclebooks.com
CONTENTS
xiii Introduction
1 KISS JUNE
Johnny Cash
2 TERMES OF A KERVER
Wynkyn de Worde
4 ATTEMPT AT AN INVENTORY
Georges Perec
9 WHO KILLED JFK?
Evelyn Lincoln
10 THE ARMORY SHOW
Pablo Picasso
12 ANTI-FLIRT CLUB
Alice Reighly
14 BOYLE’S WISH LIST
Robert Boyle
17 SHOPPING TRIP TO DUNHUANG
Ratnavr.ks.a and Praketu
21 THE DRINKERS DICTIONARY
Benjamin Franklin
28 THE LEXICON OF PROHIBITION
Edmund Wilson
30 BILL OF MORTALITY
E. Cotes
32 GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES
George Washington
35 THE COWBOY CODE
Gene Autry
36 ADVICE TO CHICK ROCKERS
Chrissie Hynde
38 ROGET’S THESAURUS
Peter Roget
40 HEINLEIN’S PREDICTIONS
Robert Heinlein
43 THE DREAM BOOK
Author Unknown
46 NICK CAVE’S HANDWRITTEN DICTIONARY
Nick Cave
48 THE FIFTY DWARFS
Disney
50 WARTIME GOLF RULES
Richmond Golf Club
53 RULES OF PARENTING
Susan Sontag
54 FRANKLY, MY DEAR . . .
Selznick International Pictures
55 DON SALTERO’S COFFEE HOUSE
Don Saltero
60 NURSERY RHYME VIOLENCE
Geoffrey Handley-Taylor
63 THE MAFIA DECALOGUE
The Mafia
64 SEVEN LITTLE MEN HELP A GIRL
Ed Gombert
65 FOR CHARACTERS WHO DON’T DIG JIVE TALK
Harry Gibson
66 EINSTEIN’S DEMANDS
Albert Einstein
68 MASTERING THE ART OF FRENCH COOKING
Julia Child
69 ROLL OF MISSING MEN
Clara Barton
72 THE SALEM WITCHES
Author Unknown
75 J’AIME, JE N’AIME PAS
Roland Barthes
76 WORKMEN’S ABSENCES
Author Unknown
81 INTEGRATED BUS SUGGESTIONS
Martin Luther King Jr.
82 TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR CON MEN
Victor Lustig
84 GOBBLEFUNK
Roald Dahl
86 TOPICS TO BE INVESTIGATED
Leonardo da Vinci
88 NEW YER’S GUIFTES GIUEN TO THE QUENE’S MAIESTIE
Queen Elizabeth I
104 FATHER’S OBJECTIONS
Charles Darwin
106 NEW YEAR’S RULIN’S
Woody Guthrie
108 MUST MAKE EFFORT TO DO
Marilyn Monroe
110 RULES OF PALSHIP
Noël Coward
112 A LITTLE BILL OF FARE
Mark Twain
115 NEWTON’S SINS
Sir Isaac Newton
118 THE PILLOW BOOK
Sei Sho-nagon
120 ELOQUENT SILENCE
Walt Whitman
124 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES
The Ladies’ Pocket Magazine
126 TEN FAVORITE AMERICAN NOVELS
Norman Mailer
128 LIST OF THE SPORTING LADIES
Author Unknown
129 REGINALD THE RED-NOSED REINDEER
Robert May
130 LEONARDO’S TO-DO LIST
Leonardo da Vinci
132 HOW MY LIFE HAS CHANGED
Hilary North
133 OUTFIT FOR AN EXCURSION
Henry David Thoreau
136 BELIEF & TECHNIQUE FOR MODERN PROSE
Jack Kerouac
139 BACK TO SCHOOL COMMANDMENTS
Sylvia Plath
140 WHEN I COME TO BE OLD
Jonathan Swift
142 HOUDINI’S SCENE AND PROP. LIST
Harry Houdini
143 REASONS FOR ADMISSION
West Virginia Hospital for the Insane
146 THE EIGHT KINDES OF DRUNKENNES
Thomas Nashe
148 THE STANDARD BEAU CATCHER
Author Unknown
150 YOU’VE GOT TO DIG IT TO DIG IT, YOU DIG?
Thelonious Monk
152 GALILEO’S SHOPPING LIST
Galileo Galilei
154 IMMACULATE HEART COLLEGE ART DEPARTMENT RULES
Corita Kent
156 HARRY S. TRUMAN’S LOVE LIST
Harry S. Truman
161 HOW TO WRITE
David Ogilvy
162 REJECTING WITTGENSTEIN’S MISTRESS
David Markson
164 LOVECRAFT’S WEIRD IDEAS
H. P. Lovecraft
173 FUMBLERULES OF GRAMMAR
William Safire
176 CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS’S COMMANDMENTS
Christopher Hitchens
178 OLYMPIC VICTOR LIST
Author Unknown
180 HOW TO ATTAIN SMARTNESS
Edna Woolman Chase
184 CONTEMPT FOR:
Walker Evans and James Agee
187 THE BOHEMIAN DINNER
Charles Green Shaw
188 10 COMPOSERS I LIKE BEST
Lucas Amory
193 THURBER’S RULES
James Thurber
194 THE GODFATHER
Francis Ford Coppola
196 MYSTERIES OF OPIUM REVEAL’D
Dr. John Jones
199 AVAILABLE NAMES
Charles Dickens
202 LIVE AS WELL AS YOU DARE
Sydney Smith
204 A LOVE LIST
Eero Saarinen
206 COCKTAIL!
F. Scott Fitzgerald
209 HENRY MILLER’S ELEVEN COMMANDMENTS
Henry Miller
210 BRAINES.
A.T. (Practitioner in phisicke and chirurgerie.)
212 SIMPLE RULES FOR LIFE IN LONDON
Rudyard Kipling
214 THE FAKE BOOKS OF CHARLES DICKENS
Charles Dickens
216 THE DON’TS AND BE CAREFULS
Motion Picture Producers and Distributors of America
219 MARRY/NOT MARRY
Charles Darwin
222 VONNEGUT’S COMMITMENTS
Kurt Vonnegut
224 A DECALOGUE OF CANONS FOR OBSERVATION IN PRACTICAL LIFE
Thomas Jefferson
227 TEN COMMANDMENTS OF GUITAR PLAYING
Captain Beefheart
228 THINGS DOING AND TO BE DONE
Thomas Edison
239 11 RULES FOR BOX-OFFICE APPEAL
Preston Sturges
240 DEGREES OF VAGABOND
Thomas Harman
242 VERTIGO
Paramount
244 SEVEN SOCIAL SINS
Mohandas Gandhi
245 BODY PARTS FOR WHICH I AM GRATEFUL
Tina Fey
248 MICHELANGELO’S SHOPPING LIST
Michelangelo
250 SIMILES AND COMPARISONS
Raymond Chandler
252 SCOTT’S TURKEY RECIPES
F. Scott Fitzgerald
255 ELVIS: FAT
John Lennon
256 BOOKS YOU OUGHT TO READ
Ernest Hemingway
258 BASKET. BALL.
James Naismith
260 DON’TS FOR WOMEN RIDERS
Unique Cycling Club of Chicago
262 FRANKLIN’S THIRTEEN VIRTUES
Benjamin Franklin
265 RESCUE ETIQUETTE
Mark Twain
266 MY FAVORITE BOOKS
Edith Wharton
269 CELESTIAL EMPORIUM OF BENEVOLENT KNOWLEDGE
Jorge Luis Borges
270 A LIBERAL DECALOGUE
Bertrand Russell
272 HENSLOWE’S INVENTORY
Philip Henslowe
274 MIDWESTERNISMS
David Foster Wallace
276 NAMING THE PHONOGRAPH
Thomas Edison
280 THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT
F. Scott Fitzgerald
282 MARILYN MONROE’S DREAM LOVERS
Marilyn Monroe
284 QUALITIES OF CIVILIZED PEOPLE
Anton Chekhov
287 PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT’S LIST OF BIRDS
Theodore Roosevelt
291 FELLOWSHIP ASSETS
Frank Lloyd Wright
292 THE BOOKSHOP
Italo Calvino
294 VERB LIST COMPILATION: ACTIONS TO RELATE TO ONESELF
Richard Serra