indian-american youths' perception, negotiation, and transformation of arranged marriage traditions

419 Pages·2017·2.41 MB·English

CONFLUENCE OF INFLUENCE: INDIAN-AMERICAN YOUTHS’ PERCEPTION,
NEGOTIATION, AND TRANSFORMATION OF ARRANGED MARRIAGE
TRADITIONS IN MODERN AMERICAN SOCIETY
by

DIANNE LAURA FABII

A dissertation submitted to the

Graduate School-Camden

Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey

In partial fulfillment of the requirements

For the degree of

Doctor of Philosophy

Graduate Program in Childhood Studies

Written under the direction of

Daniel Hart, Ed.D.

And approved by

_____________________________________
Daniel Hart, Ed.D.

______________________________________
Daniel T. Cook, Ph.D.

_______________________________________
John Wall, Ph.D.

Camden, New Jersey

May 2017
ABSTRACT OF THE DISSERTATION

Confluence of Influence: Indian-American Youths’ Perception, Negotiation, and
Transformation of Arranged Marriage Traditions in Modern American Society
by DIANNE LAURA FABII

Dissertation Director:
Daniel Hart, Ed.D.

This dissertation examines how second generation Indian-American youth in the United
States are negotiating and transforming the practice of arranged marriage. The tradition
of arranged marriage has been modeled in their families for generations, but these youth
are growing up in a cultural context that highly values freedom of choice and embraces
autonomy, as well as validates various alternative lifestyles other than marriage. The
bicultural identities of second generation Indian-American youth provide a framework for
their decisions about future marriage. Little is known about how Indian-American youth
view the preservation of cultural and familial marriage traditions. Through the use of a
three part survey on the topics of marriage, choice and emotional expression, as well as
in-depth interviews, this project explored how Indian-American youth formulate their
constructions of marriage, and how they are situated amid many influences of modern
western society. A social constructivist approach was utilized to elicit detailed
descriptions of the perceptions and insights of the youth subjects, aged 15 to 21. This
enabled the formulation of theory grounded in the lived experiences of these youth.
Adults aged 30-61 also completed surveys and interviews to provide parental viewpoints
in order to discern generational differences. Subjects were located in New Jersey, New
York, Philadelphia and Chicago. The primary finding of this research is that second
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generation Indian-American youth are not completely rejecting or indiscriminately
resisting the practice of arranged marriage. They are open to matchmaking, but they
desire choice in the process. They embrace traditional family values, consider the
guidance of their elders, and desire parental approval and blessing of their future
marriage decisions. They negotiate parental rules, expectations and communications in a
variety of ways to exert agency in decisions related to participation in premarital social
activities. Though the influences of globalism and western culture impact how Indian-
American youth shape their opinions and decisions, these forces have not erased their
allegiance to Indian traditions.

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Firstly, I extend my most sincere gratitude to Dr. Daniel Hart, chair of my dissertation
committee, and mentor from the beginning of my journey in the Childhood Studies
program. I am deeply indebted to him for his unfailing kindness, patience and dedication
to me, and for all that he has taught me in the past ten years. Additionally, I am
profoundly grateful to the other members of my dissertation committee, Dr. Daniel Cook
and Dr. John Wall, for their guidance, encouragement, insightful comments and various
perspectives that have enriched this work and my education at Rutgers University.
Together, this great group truly has been my dream team, and I could not have asked for
a finer group of gentlemen and scholars to lead me.
I am especially grateful to all of the youth and adult participants who completed
surveys and interviews, and who gave life and meaning to this study. Their generous
gifts of time and gracious sharing of their stories are most appreciated. Without them,
this work could not have been possible.
My special thanks are extended to the following individuals for their assistance in
recruiting participants for this study: Sam and Mary George, and Dr. Jacob Darly of
Parivar International; Rev. Arulraj Singarayer of the Diocese of Metuchen; Rev. M.
Antony Jegadhees of the Archdiocese of New York, and Kerri Wilson of Rutgers
University.
Additionally I am grateful to Ken Welde and Christopher Vokolos for their able and
kind assistance with statistical analysis, and to Patricia Moore for her great help with
transcription of audio recordings.
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For their continuous support, encouragement and insight which contributed
immensely to this study, I extend my very special thanks to Patrick, Tina, and Merlin
Amalraj, Amalraj and Chandra Thangasamy, Dr. D. and Mrs. J. Selvanathan, Nancy and
Naren Pandiakumar, Dr. Mary Vinola Jenifer, Smita Shah, Jyoti Shah, Vandana Argarwal
and Herman Bhasin.
And for their endless moral support in ways too numerous to mention, which touched
my life so often throughout this process, I am very grateful to Dr. Diane Marano, Dr.
Marla Wander, MaryLee McKelvey, Phyliss Bellopede, Elaine Vokolos, Carole Hurst,
and many colleagues at the Evesham Township and Lee County School Districts.
Above all, I am most grateful to God for this opportunity, and for seeing me through
the many challenges that occurred throughout this journey. I learned once again that
indeed, all things are possible through Him.

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DEDICATION

This dissertation is dedicated to two special people who have been deeply influential
in leading me on a most unexpected path of studying Indian culture, and inspiring in me a
love of colorful India, its amazing people, and its rich traditions. First, it is dedicated
posthumously to Francis Ravi, who introduced me to the beauty and culture of India, and
to the customs of arranged marriage. This study would not have begun without his
indelible influence and our charitable work together. I am deeply grateful to him for
many lessons learned, for sharing incredible cultural experiences, and for the chance to
serve his people through the life-changing work we shared.
Additionally, this work is dedicated to Sahayaraj Thangasamy, who expanded my
horizons of study by introducing me to facets of anthropology, sociology and folklore,
which contributed greatly to the pursuit of this dissertation. Because of him, I have an
“adopted Indian family” who have contributed so much to my understanding of Indian
culture by allowing me to live it with and through them in ways too numerous to
mention. I am forever grateful to him for these blessings, and for daring me to dream that
this dissertation could be accomplished.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction: Indian-American Youth and Arranged Marriage
in the 21st Century ......................................................................................................... 1
Intersections of Influences and Issues.................................................................... 4
Subjects of the Study ............................................................................................. 7
Elements of Focus and Theoretical Framework .................................................... 8
Personal Interest and Qualifications to Undertake Study .................................... 10
Significance of Study ........................................................................................... 12
Chapter Outline .................................................................................................... 13
Chapter One: Literature Review: Contexts for Arranged Marriage in
Indian-American Families.......................................................................................... 16
Theoretical Framework and Existing Research ............................................................ 17
Grounded Theory ................................................................................................. 17
Social Exchange Theory ...................................................................................... 18
Assimilation Theory............................................................................................. 20
Recent Studies with Indian-American Youth and Adults .................................... 23
Related Studies with Young Adults in India........................................................ 31
Challenges in Adolescence and Early Adulthood ................................................ 36
Romance .............................................................................................................. 40
Dating, Marriage and Alternate Lifestyles .................................................................... 41
Dating as a Precursor to Marriage ....................................................................... 42
Social Practices and Double Standards ................................................................ 43
Marriage as an Institution .................................................................................... 44
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Social Stigmas of Alternative Lifestyles: The Struggles to Be Single
Divorced or Gay ................................................................................................ 47
Relevant Research on Autonomy and Choice .............................................................. 50
The Autonomous Self within Individualist and Collectivist Orientations ........... 51
Adolescent Autonomy ......................................................................................... 56
Adolescents’ Disclosure of Information and Sense of Personal Jurisdiction ...... 57
Moral Dimension of Social Responsibility .......................................................... 59
Moral Frameworks of Development .................................................................... 61
Relevant Research on Emotional Expression ............................................................... 62
Gender and Equality ............................................................................................ 63
Identity Formation ............................................................................................... 63
Shaping, Doing and Managing Emotion .............................................................. 64
Emotional Labor and Ensuing Struggles ............................................................. 65
Additional Cultural Considerations and Sensitivities .......................................... 66
Chapter Two: Research Design and Methods ............................................................ 68
Research Questions .............................................................................................. 69
Quantitative Data Collection ......................................................................................... 70
Data Collection Instrument .................................................................................. 70
Sections of the Survey ......................................................................................... 74
Section I of the Survey: Marriage and Family .................................................... 74
Section II of the Survey: Choice ......................................................................... 75
Section III of the Survey: Emotional Expression ............................................... 76
Online Version of Survey .................................................................................... 77
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Survey Collection................................................................................................. 78
Survey Analysis ................................................................................................... 78
Qualitative Data Collection........................................................................................... 79
Design and Conduct of Interviews ....................................................................... 81
Interview Analysis ............................................................................................... 82
Coding of Transcripts and Categorization of Themes ......................................... 83
Validity Checks .................................................................................................... 84
Sampling, Participants and Access ............................................................................... 84
Research Sites and Locations............................................................................... 86
Participants ........................................................................................................... 88
Challenges and Successes with Data Collection, Sampling and Access ............. 89
Chapter Three: Dating in Indian-American Life ...................................................... 96
The World of Adolescent Dating in the Twenty-First Century ........................... 99
Parents’ Limited Dating Experiences ................................................................ 102
Dating in Indian-American Culture ................................................................... 104
Romance ............................................................................................................ 108
Social Life without Dating and Attendance at School Functions ...................... 111
Parental Rules Regarding Social Interactions .................................................... 113
Age Limitations on Dating................................................................................. 118
Dating as Distraction and as Discernment ......................................................... 120
Dating Choices and Family Reputation ............................................................. 126
Parental Control on Youth Behavior and Dating ............................................... 129
Dating Experimentation ..................................................................................... 132
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Influence of Various Forms of Media ........................................................................ 134
Communication and Self-Expression through Mobile Devices
and Social Media............................................................................................. 138
Targeted Websites and Cultural-Social Events to Facilitate Meeting ............... 142
Freedom and Choice with Dating and Eventual Marriage .......................................... 144
Comparison of Peers and Autonomy in Decision-Making ................................ 147
Emerging Themes and Questions for the Future ............................................... 153
Chapter Four: Indian-American Modes of Marriage in the Modern World........ 158
We Just Met and Now We’re Married ....................................................................... 162
The Practice of Arranged Marriage: Defunct or Different ....................................... 166
Relevance, Desire and Importance of Arranged Marriage ................................ 166
Romantic Love as a Foundation for Marriage ................................................... 177
Gender and Arranged Marriage ......................................................................... 180
Acceptance of Arranged Marriage ..................................................................... 182
Finding a Marriage Candidate and Choosing a Spouse .............................................. 184
Use of Internet to Find a Bride or Bridegroom .................................................. 185
Parent or Child: Who Should Decide? .............................................................. 187
Matching Elements: What is Important in a Prospective Spouse .............................. 190
Conflict over Matching Elements ...................................................................... 192
Caste .................................................................................................................. 194
Class, Socio-Economic Status and Education ................................................... 197
Religion .............................................................................................................. 200
Marrying Non-Indians ....................................................................................... 205
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