Humour the computer

270 Pages·1995·48.85 MB·English

by  Andrew Davison

--
com p te
u r
CopyrigMhatteedr ial
c o m p u t e r
edited bq
A�t&J 1)A.V�
TheM ITP ress
CambridgeM,a ssachusetts
and London,E ngland
CopyrigMhatteedr ial
Second pr1in9t9in5g ,
© 1995M assachuIsnestttisot fuT teec hnology
Alrli ghrtess erNvoep da.r otft hibso omka yb er eproduicne d
anyf orbmy a nyel ectroonrimc e chanimceaaln( si ncluding
photocopryeicnogr,d oirin ngf,o rmasttioornaa gnder etrieval)
withopuetr misisniw orni tifnrgot mh peu blisher.
Thee dithoarsa ttempttote rda tchece o pyrihgohltdo efra ltlh e
materrieaplr oduicnte hdip su blicaatnidao pno logtiozc eosp y­
righhotl deirfps e rmistsoip ounb liisnth h ifso rhma sn obte en
obtainTehedc .o pyrihgohltds ehro uilndf otrhme edaintdho er ,
wilclo rrheicmsti staaksse o oans p ossible.
Thibso owka sd esigannedds eitn M acP ageMak5.e0br y A ndrew
Davisaonndp, r intaenddb ounidnt hUen itSetda toefAs m erica.
LibraorfCy o ngrCeasst aloging-in-DPautbal ication
HumouTrhe C omputIee rd itbeydA ndreDwa vison.
p. cm.
Inclubdiebsl iogrraepfheirceanlc es.
ISB0N- 262-54075-4
1.E lectrdoatnapi rco cessing--2.HC uommopru.t ers--Humor.
1.D avisAonnd,r ew.
PN6231.E41H98956 95-3065
818'.540208--dc20 CIP
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CopyrigMhatteedr ial
Contents
Preface. ...................................................................................................... xiii
MobyD ick2 .1.. ............................................................................................ 1
KennMe.tS ihezl doll
A Stan dard fotrh Ter ansmissoifIFo n D atagrams
onA vianC arriers. ............................3. .....................................................
DaviWda itzmall
A Problem in thMea king ...........................................................................5
DarrRyulb in
How IB oughtM y FirsCtom puter. .................7. .........................................
LarrRy. C ustead
BOFH (Part1 )... .......................................................................................... 10
SimoTnr avglaia
The GenerWiorcd P rocess...o...r.. ............................................................1 2
PhilipS chrodt
NaturalU pgradPea th.. ............................................................................1 7
ChristoLpihsehrka
The Casoef t hBeo gusEx per(tP ar1t). . ..................................................1 9
KriHsa mmond
OrdinarPye ople TelHlo w They UseT heiPre rsonCaolm puter...s... 20
LucinLdua ongo
Ia m theV ery Modelo fa GeniCuosm putatio..n...a...l... ......................2 2
JonatR.hP aanr tington
ZorkRAM,S andt heC ursoef R a:C omputo,e rgo sum. ..................... .22
CurStu plee
Laptop in Colompbuot sC ampbellin theS oup. ......................2..5.. ........
LaiS ee
MasterosfC omputeSrc ien.c..e... ............................................................2 6
Lindsay Marshall
You'Bd ettLoevreY ourB LANK Computer:
The GeneriCc omputBeoork .. .................................. ,. ..........2..7 . ............
DuncaMna ckenzie
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Contents
ShakespeoanrP er ogrammi..n...g... ......................................................... 29
MichaAe.lC ovillgton
EviAll ienCso ntrIolB M. ........................................................................... 30
FreddSym arm
MotheSrh oulHda veW arneYdo u.!. ................................3...3... .. ...............
PalBloln ner
BOFH (Par2t). .. .......................................................................................... 34
SimoTnr avaglia
LatetSs una ndI BMA nnouncemen.t..s.... ..............................................3 6
ChllcMkl lsciano
TwelWvaey st oF ootlh eM asseWhse n GivinPge rformanRcees ults
onP aralCloemlp ute..r...s.. .................................................................. 38
DaviHd. B ailey
TheC aseo ft heB oguEsx per(tP ar2t).. . ................................................4. 2
KriHsa mmond
ReaPlr ogrammeDrosn 'Uts eP asca...l... ................................................ 43
EdP ost
GateywT aoH eave.n. ..........................54. .....................................................
Ei/eTerno n%ne
Zena nd tAhreto fS oftwaDroec umentat..i....o..n... ............................. 55
W. C.C arlson
TheU nixP hiloso..p...h...y... ......................................................................5 7
Anonymous
FielRde placaMboluese B al..l....s.... ................... ...................................... 59
Anonymous
Babba- gTehe L anguagofet heF utur..e.... ............................................ 60
TonyK arp
GulliveCro'msp ute..r.... ........................................................................... 63
JonathSawni ft
"UnclBei lils"in theD riverS'esa .t..!.... .................................................. 65
Anonymous
BreathlSoecrkv iTcoeG o Companywid.e... ........................................... 66
Anonymous
ToM yD arlingH usba.n.d.. ........................................6...8... ........ .................
Anonymous
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. . .
Vlll
Contents
.. ........ . 69
Computer-baPsreedd ictWirviet i.n...g.. .. ................... .................
PeterD eJl.l lgl in
Makin g YourS erviceman FeeWle lcom e. ..............7..2 . ..............................
Anomnoyus
Man,B yets,D og. ......... .............................................................................. 7.3
JamGeosr man
MicroslosWhaeldl ..s... ............................................ ...................................7 6
Trygve Lode
TheT inM en. ............................................................................................... 77
MichaFerla yn
A Users VFirewo mT heT railEidngge ... ............................................... 8.2
WillEi.Ka oms t
. .. ...87
Lips:T heyM ay AlsoS ervWheo, DeclitnoeE nli.s..t.. ............. ... ...
RobeMr.tE aer
The Casoeft heB ogusE xpert( Pa3r)t.. .. ................................................ 88
KrisH ammond
AlternattioOv SeIs... . ................................................................................ 89
JocC.kS t M.a rtin
A Salutory Taloef S oftwaDreev elopme..n....t... ................ ..................9.4.
Anonymous
YouG etW hatY ouP ayF or?. ......................9 ..7. ...........................................
StepheMna nes
YouC an'Fto ol'Deowmn OnTh e Farm.!.... ......................................... 101
Anonymous
BOFH (Part3 ).... .........................................................................1.0. .2. ..........
SimoTnr avaglia
ADA:T heD evil'sW ork.. ........................................................................ 104
HermaHni ggins
NetmailS preaCdomsm onC old... ........................................................0 15
Cragi MilRoo gers
IKn ow What'sW rong WithM y Compute.r....!... ..............................1.06.
Anonymous
What isT echnicaHla rassmen..t..?.... ..................................................... 107
RicFka dler
Copyrighted Material .
l�
Contents
I'Jmu sAt T wo-bPirto gramOmne Ar SixteMeanc-hbii..n..t..e. ... .... 108
DaviSd.P latt
IfA rchitHeacdtt oWs o rLki kPer ogram.m....e...r....s.. ....................... 109
J.DavRiudg giero
VAXa ndI BM . . . ... .. ... 111
........................... ......................... .................... ... ......
Anonymous
TheA ustraFliifaDtneh g enerPartoijoenc t .. .. . 116
................ ...... . ..............
LeeN aish
AnA ncieRnotp e-And-CPoumlpluetyIe sUr n eartIhne d
TheJ ungolfAe p raph.u.l....... .............1.1.7. ............................................
A.K .D ewdney
TheV AXorci..s.t. . . .125
...... ................................................. .............................
ChristoRpuhsesre ll
SmaAldl s 133
..................................................................................................
LindsMaayr shall
LaB oiBtlee .ue . .... . . ...134
............................ . .......... .... .................................... .
WilliAa mR ennie
TheD ifferBeentwceee n HaradnwdSa orfet ware ..135
............................ .
Anonymous
UserF riendlYyo?uM usbte J oki..n...g.... .............................................1 36
DanG reenberg
A Dayi nt hLei foefa N etwoMrakn ag..e....r... ....................................1 37
LarrRy. C ustead
TheC ompleoxfiS toyn gs. .. ... . ....1.39
...... .............. . ................................. ......
DonalEd.K nuth
Writin eC ..................................................................................................1 46
Anonymous
A SimpliGfuiiedTdeo H ardwaMraei nten.a.n.c.e. .....1.4.7. ....................
DaviHd. A hl
A LinguiCsotnitcr ibtuoGt oitoon- LPersosg ramm.in.g .. .150
. . ......... .....
R.L awrenCclea rk
BOFH (Pa4r).t.. . .......................................................................................1 54
SimoTnr avaglia
TheH ow-To-Choose-A-CoBmopoukt er.-B..oo.k .157
............ .... . ..... ..... ...
RusseGlrif fin andV ictMoirl ler
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Contents
TheC aseo ft heB ogusE xper(Pta rt4 )... ...............................................1 61
KriHsa mmond
A ParableA boutG eneralini tAryc hitec..t...u...r...e... .......................... 163
Anonymous
Taking a StroDlolw nB abeSlt ree...t........ .............................................. 165
PeteJr.B rown
PleasRee moveTh isL abe..l.. .................................................................. 168
EspenA ndersen
Productiinv iCtoym puterS cien.c...e... .................................................1 70
DannyC ohen
IsB igB eautifSuolm:eC omputer CartForoonsTm h e1 960.'...s... .... 173
GreMgi chaelson
CreatoArdsmi t Unix And C WereA Hoax.. ........................................ 178
Anonymous
TheU ziV ersutsh eC ompute...r.. .......................... ................................. 180
Anonymous
TheC hurcho ft heC yber-Spirit..u....a..l...i...s....t..s.... ..........................1 81
AndreDwa vison
PersonCaolm puting.. ......................... .................................................... 188
EvadLha
BOFH (Par5t). .. ........................................................................................ 191
SimoTnr avaglia
Outo fth eM outhosfB a bes. .......................1.9.3. .........................................
EveR .W irth
ComputerDso n'Atr gue... ...................................................................... 195
GordoRn.D ickson
Transcriptst hfeGr oemn realM otoHresl pLin.e... ............................. 2.10
MichEadewla Crhda stain
RelaRteeadd i.n.g .. . . . 211
. ... ............... ....... ..................... ....................................
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Preface
My aimw itHhu mouTrh eC ompll(tHeTrCw )as t oc olletcogte ther
my favourtei funnys toripeasro,d ies, laughablet rue-liinfcei ­
dentsc,o micso ng lyrcis, andj okepyo ems fromt hew ackyw orld
ofc omputinAgf. ttewro y earofs( p art-time)b loods,w eata nd
tearIs',v nea rrowetdh ee normousse lectdioownn toa bou7t 0
choicaert icles (eaabcohu2t to3 pagelso ng).
I'vdee ilbeeryla tvaoided humoutrh arte lionea s o tlo ft echnical
knowledge- youd on'hta vteo h avaed egreei nc omputers cience
tol augh atth es tufifnH TC.T hei ntendreeda derp robablyh asa
homec ompute(rf ogra mes)a,n dpe rhapsa eprsonalc omputeart
work( fogra mes, ..Im. e an wordpr ocessing).
Overt here-quarterso ft hea rtifcalilenlst toh i'sn on-expceormt­
puteurs erc'a tegorAyb.o ut1 5o ft hosleef retq uire as mattenrgi of
programming knowledg-ej usetn oughf ory out oa pprecihaotwe
horrendiotau lisls T.h e finalf we piecesa rmeo rtee chnical,
assuming av agufea miliwairtihn tetyw orkcso,m plexiatny,d
jovialt opiclsi kteh at. lIe ftth emi nb ecausthee y're funny.
Them aterhiasab le end rwanf roamp lethorao fs ourc-easb ouat
third ofi tha sc omef romU SENETn ewsg rouapnsd fr mo comput­
ersr eachabolvee rt heIn ternet( I'smo rirfyth ats oundsl ikae
borign biftr oamt exbto okt;h eIn terneti sr ealvelryy , vienrty er­
estinTg)h.eo t her two-thircdosm esf ropmr itend source(so ld
fashioned kIn ow,b uts tiilnlu se)i,n cludcoimnpgu temra gazines
sucahs D atamatiaonnd B YTEg,e nermaagla zinesusc h asT heN ew
YorkaenrdN ewS cienctoimsptu,te joru rnals sucha sS IGPLAN
Noticaesn dt hCeo mmunicatiooftn hseA CM,b ook extrancetwss,­
lettexetrrac ts,a nds ubmissions.
Thea rticcloevse arn e normoursa ngoef to pics,a lmostd efying
summarys,o I 'lglo a heada ndt ryS.o meo ft hem ain' themeasr' e:
thiem pacto fc omputinong o url ivehsi,l arihoaurdsw are, silly
softwafriere,nsc tou ntersw ithc omputincgo,m putecrom panise
thawte lovep,ro gramming pais,n anda bsuarcda demIi'avn.eo t
bothde trreinyg tog roup the ratciels nito theses puriousc atego­
riess,ic net hawta y liemsa dnes(sI r ecommethnadyt out ryi t
afteyro u'veb oughtt hbeo ok)O.n lyt hsee riaBlOFsH:a nd Joe
Lispa,r per esentde ino rder.
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