How to Raise an Emotionally Healthy, Happy Child

260 Pages·1978·26.624 MB·English

by  Albert Ellis, Sandra Moseley, Janet L. Wolfe

How An
Raise
to
Emotionally Healthy, Happy Child
Albert Ellis, Ph. D.
with Sandra Moseley & Janet L. Wolfe
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m^rly titled: How to Prevent Your Child From Becoming a Neurotic Adiilt *
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Biographical Information on Dr. Albert Ellis
Albert Ellis was bom in Pittsburgh and grew up in New York City.
He holds a bachelor's degree from the City College of New York and
M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in Clinical Psychology from Columbia Univer-
sity. He has taught at Rutgers University and New York University; has
been Chief Psychologist of the New Jersey State Diagnostic Center and
later Chief Psychologist of the New Jersey Department of Institutions
and Agencies; was a Consultant in Clinical Psychology to the New York
City Board of Education and the Veterans Administration; and is Execu-
tive Director of the Institute for Rational Living and Director of Psycho-
logical Services for the Institute for Advanced Study in Rational Psycho-
therapy. He has been in the practice of psychotherapy and marriage and
family counseling in New York City for almost thirty years.
Dr. Ellis is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association and
has been President of its Division of Consulting Psychology and a Mem-
ber of its Council of Representatives. He is a Fellow (and Past Presi-
dent) of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex; and a Fellow of the
American Association of Marriage and Family Counselors; the American
Orthopsychiatric Association, the American Sociological Association, the
American Association for Applied Anthropology, and the American Asso-
ciation for the Advancement of Science.
Dr. Ellis has also been Vice-President of the American Academy of
Psychotherapists; Chairman of the Marriage Counseling Section of the
National Council on Family Relations; and a member of the Executive
Committee of the American Association of Marriage and Family Coun-
selors, of Psychologists in Private Practice, of the Divisions of Psycho-
therapy and of Humanistic Psychology of the American Psychological
Association, and of the New York Society of Clinical Psychologists. He
has been honored by several professional societies and given the
Humanist of the Year Award by the American Humanist Association.
Dr. Ellis has served as Associate Editor of the Journal of Marriage and
the Family, the International Journal of Sexology, Existential Psychiatry,
the Journal of Sex Research, Rational Living, and Voices: The Art and
Science of Psychotherapy. He has published over three hundred and
fifty papers in psychological, psychiatric, and sociological journals and
anthologies. He has authored or edited thirty-one books and mono-
graphs, including Sex Without Guilt, How o Live With A Neurotic,
The Art and Science of Love, A Guide to Rational Living, The Encyclo-
pedia of Sexual Behavior, A Guide to Successfid Marriage, Reason and
Emotion in Psychotherapy, Homosexuality: Its Causes and Cure, How to
Raise an Emotionally Healthy, Happy Child, Is Objectivisjn a Religion?,
Murder and Assassination, Growth Through Reason, and Executive
Leadership: A Rational Approach.
Books by Albert Ellis, Ph.D.
How TO Live with a Neurotic
The American Sexual Tragedy
The Art and Science of Love
Creative Marriage
Encyclopedia of Sexual Behavior
A Guide to Rational Living
Sex and the Single Man
Sex Without Guilt
Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy
and others
How An
Raise
to
Happy
Emotionally Healthy, Child
Albert Ellis, Ph. D.
with Sandra Moseley 6c Janet L. Wolfe
formerly titled:
How to Prevent Your Child From Becoming a Neurotic Adult
1978 EDITION
P Published by
Melvin Powers
ILSHIRE BOOK COMPANY
12015 Sherman Road
No. Hollywood, California 91605
Telephone:[phone]
Published by arrangement with Crown Publishers, Inc
Printedby
HAL LEIGHTON PRINTING CO.
P.O. Box 1231
Beverly Hills, California 90213
Telephone: [phone]
©
Copyright 1966 by The Institute for Rational Living, Inc.
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 66-26191
Printed in the United States of America
DESIGNED BY CHRISTINE SCHACKER
SecondPrinting,April, 1968
ISBN 0-87980-208-1
Contents
1. Neurotics Are Born As Well As Made 3
2. What Is a Neurotic Child? 17
3. Helping Children Overcome Fears and Anxieties 59
4. Helping Children with Problems of Achievement 83
5. Helping Children Overcome Hostility 99
6. Helping Children Become Self-Disciplined 123
7. Helping Children with Sex Problems 137
8. Helping Children with Conduct Problems 157
9. Helping Children with Personal Behavior Problems 187
10. How to Live with a Neurotic Child and Like It 2ig
Bibliography 231
Index 243
Digitized by tine Internet Arciiive
in 2010
littp://www.archive.org/details/howtoraiseemotioOOelli
CHAPTER
/
Neurotics Are Born
As Well As Made
In spite of the popularity of the scads of authoritative works on
child care that now exist, no drastic drop in the rate of neurosis in
our society seems to have been wrought since our grandmothers'
day. It is estimated that one out of four Americans seeks psycho-
therapy or counseling of one type or another each year; and this
is probably only a fraction of those who should receive help.
The most intensive study ever done of a large segment of the
population in New York City concluded that more than eight out
of ten of the individuals who were investigated were quite seri-
ously emotionally disturbed. Similar studies tend to show that
people in other parts of the country are equally neurotic.
The present book takes a radically different stand from most
of the existing literature in the field. It stoutly combats the
orthodox Freudian and behaviorist view that neurotic behavior
is strictly a matter of upbringing, and that early environment so
completely determines a child's life that he is bound to be either
emotionally stable or aberrated. Not that this view is entirely
false; for there is no doubt, as we shall show later in this volume.
4/ NEUROTICS ARE BORN AS WELL AS MADE
that early teaching and training do have some specific and sig-
nificant eff"ects on behavior in childhood, adolescence, and adult-
hood. But this is only part of the story!
The rest of the story, as Sigmund Freud was careful to note,
but as most of his followers have unfortunately forgotten, is that
man is a biologically rooted animal. While he has virtually no
strict instincts, in the sense that most of the lower animals do,
he has a great many inborn propensities, or what Abraham
Maslow calls "instinctoid" tendencies; and the various kinds of
things which he can easily be trained or conditioned to do are
closely related to these innate biological trends. The rewards or
"reinforcers" that psychologists and parents employ to induce
him to go to bed early, or to refrain from hitting other children,
or to feel safe when he is riding in an automobile are things
which he innately likes, such as to eat lollipops or to be caressed.
If inherently noxious or dislikable things are used to "reward"
his good behavi—or, they will rarely work; but th—ese same innately
dishked things such as spanking or isolation may readily be
used to train him not to indulge in various kinds of poor behavior.
More important, perhaps, children (as well as adults) have
inborn tendencies which make it much easier for them to behave
badly or neurotically than for them to behave well or sanely.
This does not mean that they are born with specific neurotic
symptoms, such as shyness, hostility, or a tendency to bed-wet-
ting. They rarely, if ever, are. But they do seem to inherit tenden-
cies toward irritability, perfectionism, and short-range hedonism
which make it much easier for them to become shy, hostile, and
bed-wetting than for them to avoid these behaviors. This means
that although they are not irrevocably imprinted, at birth, with
specific neurotic characteristics, they are biologically prejudiced
to acquire and retain some of these traits; and unless something is
actively, directly, and consistently done by their parents and by
themselves to counter and thwart these inborn tendencies, they
will probably be troubled for the rest of their days.
Peculiarly enough, although I first practiced psychoanalysis
for several years, and was biased by my psychological training
to believe in the all-important effects of environment on human