How to Click with People: The Secret to Better Relationships in Business and in Life

206 Pages·2011·0.94 MB·English

by  Rick Kirschner

To Good People Everywhere
Who Care, Connect, and Work Each Day
For a Better Tomorrow.
Contents
Introduction
Suggestions on How to Use This Book

Chapter 1
The Basic Click

Chapter 2
Clickability—What Is It and Who Has It?

Chapter 3
A Short Course on Listening

Chapter 4
Click in Style

Chapter 5
Motivation to Click

Chapter 6
What My Cowbell Says About Me: Identifying Values to Click

Chapter 7
Clicking Electronically

Chapter 8
Troubleshooting

Chapter 9
The Click Zone
Chapter 10
Emotional Click Signals

Chapter 11
Make Your Point

Chapter 12
Stumbling Blocks

Chapter 13
Group Click

Chapter 14
Why We Click

Acknowledgments
About the Author
Praise for How to Click with People
Also by Dr. Rick Kirschner
Copyright
Introduction
Some people, you just click with. The Connection is quick and easy. They get
you, you get them. Communication flows. You could tell them anything, and
they’d know just what you mean. You feel seen, heard, and understood. You feel
accepted and appreciated for who you really are. And all because you’ve clicked.
Click. It’s that state of mind, that sense of being where everything falls into
place. When you click, you gain a new perspective through the worldview of
another person. You work better with others and get better results. You develop
stronger partnerships and teams. You have a higher quality exchange of ideas
and information, resolve interpersonal problems, and play a bigger part in what
goes on around you. Best of all, you build real relationships, the kind that last a
lifetime.
Chances are you think of click as an instantaneous thing. It either happens or
it doesn’t. People either get you or they don’t. There are a handful of people in
this world you click with—and then there’s everybody else. Whether you love
them or hate them, you’re just not ever going to really be in that groove.
You’re wrong.
You can learn to click. You can make click happen. Click is a skill like riding
a bike or fixing a car, and as a skill, it can be learned.
I’ve been teaching persuasion, conflict resolution, and relationship skills for
close to three decades, and this work has taken me all over the world. I’ve
helped people learn to deal with difficult behavior in coworkers, bosses, and
even relatives by teaching them to sort out their own sense of purpose and make
fundamental changes in their habits. My clients want to make a meaningful
difference in their lives, and I’ve helped them to find the motivation and
approach to accomplish just that. And all of this work is based on the idea that if
people are going to get along with each other and get things done together, they
first have to click.
Most of what you need to know about success in life is personal in nature.
I’ve learned, through my own experience and that of the people I’ve worked
with, that all of us need one another to have fulfilling work, successful careers,
and meaningful lives. Regardless of your cultural background, your age group,
or your social status, your need to get along with people is fundamental to your
happiness and success. No matter how much technical skill you have in your
particular field of expertise, no matter how smart you are, how capable or gifted,
if you don’t know how to get along with people, you’re not going to be
successful.

Your skill with other people is key to your success.

Whether the times are great, or the economy is in the tank, the people who do
the best, who prosper and advance, are those who know how to connect with
other people in a meaningful way. In other words, those who know how to click.
That’s where this book comes in. This book will teach you how to click, to
build connections quickly, and then develop them as deeply as you desire. It’s
just a matter of knowing what to do, why to do it, and how to do it.
In the first half of this book, you will learn how to get people to get you, and
how to get them too. Chapter 1 introduces the basic click you can make with
anyone at any time. Chapter 2 looks at what makes a person “clickable”—what
makes it easy to click with someone—and how to develop that in yourself.
Chapter 3 explores the role of listening in drawing people to you.
The next three chapters are about three major “clickable” areas
(communication style, motivation, and values) that allow for deeper and closer
connections between people.
The following two chapters provide solutions to common trouble spots in
clicking: not meeting face-to-face and interacting with difficult people. Chapter
7 discusses how to click effectively via phones, e-mail, and social networking,
and Chapter 8 demonstrates how to click with even pushy, critical, negative,
unreliable, or sarcastic people.
The second half of the book explores how to get people to get your ideas.
Chapter 9 covers “the click zone”—and how (and why) to get into it any time
you want to get others onboard with an idea or task. Chapters 10 and 11 show
how to present ideas so they appeal to both the head and the heart, and connect
with the way people think and feel.
Chapter 12 reveals all the most common stumbling blocks that prevent ideas
from clicking—and how to avoid or recover from them. Chapter 13 looks at
clicking with groups of people, and creating click within groups. And the final
chapter puts all the pieces together to examine “Why We Click.”
Suggestions on
How to Use This Book
Read It Through
Read the book once, beginning to end. Be open to the ideas and imagine the
possibilities. Consider taking a second pass through the book revisiting the
material most applicable to you. If any of the ideas seem familiar, but you’re not
yet acting on what you know, let each lesson remind you to do in the real world
what you’ve only imagined in the past.