How to change your thinking about anger : a Hazelden quick guide

80 Pages·2012·0.43 MB·English

by  Experts

How to Change Your Thinking about Anger
How to Change Your Thinking about
Anger
A Hazelden Quick Guide
Hazelden
Center City, Minnesota 55012
hazelden.org
© 2012 by Hazelden Foundation All rights reserved. Published 2012
Produced in the United States of America No part of this electronic publication may be copied,
sold, or redistributed in any form or by any means without written permission of the publisher.
Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright
infringement.
E-book ISBN: 978-1-61649-432-2
Editor’s note
The names, details, and circumstances may have been changed to protect the privacy of those
mentioned in this publication.
This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals.
Alcoholics Anonymous and AA are registered trademarks of Alcoholics Anonymous World
Services, Inc.
Cover design by Theresa Jaeger Gedig
About Hazelden Quick Guides
Hazelden Quick Guides are short, accessible e-books that draw on the
original work and best practices of leading experts to help readers
address common addiction recovery and emotional health issues.
This first four-book collection applies the proven methods of Rational
Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) to challenge and change the irrational
thoughts and beliefs that contribute to the debilitating effects of shame,
anger, depression, and anxiety.
Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions
which they form concerning things.
—Epictetus
Contents
Getting the Most from This Book
Getting Past Myths about Anger
Myth: Anger Is Bad
Myth: Anger Is Useless
Myth: Other People Make Us Feel Angry
Myth: Anger Will Build Up until We “Boil Over” if We Don’t Release It
Myth: Sometimes We Just Can’t Control Anger
Myth: Anger Is a Men’s Issue
The Anger Cycle
Steps in the Anger Cycle
How Unhealthy Anger Differs from Healthy Anger
Distortions in Thinking
Distortions in Physical Sensation
Distortions in Behavior
The Cycle of Unhealthy Anger
Anger Styles
The Bulldozer
The Brick
The Lightheart
The Soulful One
Exploring Your Anger Style
Introduction to the Exercises
Exercise: Your Anger Triggers
Exercise: Describing Anger
Exercise: Your Responses to Another Person’s Anger
Exercise: Your Ideal Responses to Another Person’s Anger
Exercise: Reflecting on Resentments
Exercise: Summarizing Your Anger Style
Exercise: Evaluating Your Anger Style
Taking Charge of Anger
Dispute Irrational Beliefs
Use Anger as a “Stop Sign”
Learn to Relax
Express Anger Effectively
Respond Effectively to Another Person’s Anger
Use a Journal to Support Personal Change
Act “As If”
Practice Acceptance
Manage Anger with Children
Know When and How to Get Professional Help
Summary: Your Quick Guide to Anger
How to Learn More
Notes
Getting the Most from This Book
Perhaps you’ve downloaded this e-book because you or a loved one has
a problem with anger, or perhaps someone has told you that you do, but
you’re skeptical.
Welcome.
You can change your experience of anger, starting today. At your
disposal is a rich store of ideas and practical techniques. Let this book be
your point of access to them.
Remember that you don’t have to believe anything you read here.
There’s nothing you have to take on faith. You won’t find any eternal
verities or timeless truths. What you will find are tools for change. Use
them. Test them. And see if they make a difference for you.
The principles and practices in this book come from recognized
experts on anger, including authors published by Hazelden. This
information has been distilled for you here in a single source that you
can read in one sitting.
To get the most value from this e-book, be willing to do three things:
First, consider the ideas presented in the following pages. Then,
experiment with the suggested changes in behavior. Finally, evaluate the
results of those changes. Discover what truly makes a difference for you.
This process of putting ideas into action works best when you take it
in “baby steps.” Translate ideas into simple, visible changes in behavior
that you can make right away. Make one change at a time, evaluate the
results, and then come back to this book for more practical ideas. The
results could transform your experience of anger—and your life.
Here’s what’s coming up in the following chapters:
Start by getting past some of the prevailing myths about anger—for
example, that it’s bad, useless, caused by things outside ourselves,
and sometimes impossible to control.
Next, take a microscope to the experience of anger. Like any other
emotion, anger has an “anatomy,” or set of elements. Take those
elements apart and see how they combine into a cycle of healthy or
unhealthy anger. This will help you take the mystery out of anger
and start to see how it can be managed.
Each of us combines the elements of anger in a unique way, creating
a special anger “style.” Learn about four anger styles that come with
colorful names—the Bulldozer, the Brick, the Soulful One, and the
Lightheart.
With this understanding, you can go on to discover your own anger
style. To do this, you’ll list the people and events that seem to
trigger your anger. You’ll also reflect on your current responses to
anger and take an inventory of your resentments—the first step to
becoming free of them.
The final chapter of this book presents a set of tools for change. This
is where you’ll discover how to respond to anger with conscious
choices rather than blind reactions. Use the ideas in this chapter to
change your beliefs, change your habits, reduce your stress, and
heal your relationships. Also learn when it’s a good idea to get
professional help and how to get the most from it.
If you’re ready for these rewards, then it’s time to get started.
Note: To promote gender fairness, the pronouns he and she are
alternated throughout this book.