How to Change Anybody: Proven Techniques to Reshape Anyone's Attitude, Behavior, Feelings, or Beliefs

114 Pages·2005·14.92 MB·English

by  David J. Lieberman

Proven Techniques
to Reshape Anyone's Attitude,
Behavior, Feelings, or Beliefs
How to
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DAVIDJ.
UEBERMAN, PH.
New York Times Bestseiling Author of Never Be Lied to Again
Finally, the book that shows you how to do the
impossible: get someone to change, for the better.
Don't let crazy people drive you crazy. Don't let annoying, obnoxious, petty people get
under your skin. Whether it's your kids, spouse, friend, client, patient, or coworker, you
have the power to make it better. Before you break up with your boyfriend, fire your
employee, or write off your mother-in-law, try changing them into someone new. With
clear, prescriptive techniques, How to Change Anybody tells you how to:
• Inspire loyalty.
• Turn anyone's mood around fast.
• Stop stubborn behavior.
'Turn a lazy bum into an ambitious go-getter.
-Stop passive aggressive behavior.
•And much more!
David Lieberman is an expert in simple behavioral strategies that work every
time. These tried-and-true techniques will truly give you the tools to change
anyone — and, in the process, to change your life!
DAVID J. LIEBERMAN, PH.D., whose books have been
translated into sixteen languages, is an internationally renowned
leader in the field of human behavior. He has appeared on hun-
dreds of programs and is a frequent guest expert on national
television and radio shows such as The Today Show, CNN, The
View, PBS, and A&E. Dr. Lieberman holds a Ph.D. in psychology
and his techniques are used by the FBI, the Department of the Navy,
Fortune 500 companies, and by governments and corporations in
more than twenty-five countries. He lives in New Jersey. Please
visit his Web site at www.MakePeaceWithAnyone.com.
$12.95/$17.95 Can.
Cover design by Phil Pascuzzo
ISBN D-31E-3E47S-S
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175 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK, N.Y. 10010
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PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
How to Change Anybody
How to
Chan^
ALSO BY DAVID J. LIEBERMAN, PH.D.
Anybody
Make Peace with Anyone
Get Anyone to Do Anything
Never Be Lied to Again
Instant Analysis
Proven Techniques to Reshape
Anyone's Attitude, Behavior,
Feelings, or Beliefs
DAVID J. LIEBERMAN, PH.D.
St. Martin's Griffin ft New York
Contents
Acknowledgments
IX
HOW TO CHANGE ANYBODY. Copyright © 2005 by David J. Lieberman. All Introduction xi
rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book A Note to the Reader xiii
may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission How to Use This Book xv
except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
For information, address St. Martin's Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York,
N.Y. 10010. I. How to Change Anyone's Beliefs and Values
Learn psychological strategies to eliminate anyone's un-
Book design by Mary A. Wrt/i healthy beliefs about anyone or anything and to realign their
values in any area of life.
www.stmartins.com
1. Can You Change Someone Who Doesn't Want
to Change? 3
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
2. Beliefs and Values: A Brief Introduction 5
Lieberman, David J. 3. Make Anyone More Moral and Ethical 7
How to change anybody : proven techniques to reshape anyone's attitude, 4. Inspire Loyalty in Anyone 15
behavior, feelings, or beliefs / David J. Lieberman. 5. Eliminate Prejudice in Anyone 23
p. cm. 6. Change the Parent Who Doesn't Spend
ISBNO-312-32474-X(hc) Enough Time with the Kids 29
ISBN 0-312-32475-8 (pbk) 7. Motivate Anyone to Lose Weight 35
BAN 978-0-312-32475-9
1. Change (Psychology). 2. Persuasion (Psychology). 3. Influence
(Psychology). I. Title.
II. How to Change Anyone's Emotional State
BF637.C4 L44 2005 Turn the unhappy into the happy and the neurotic into the
153.8'5-dc22 2004051242 normal, and make anyone feel emotionally stable, happier,
and balanced. Whether it is your patient, parent, friend,
First St. Martin's Griffin Edition: January 2006 or spouse, permanently shift anyone's state for the better.
1 0 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 21
CONTENTS
CONTENTS
8. A Quick-Fix Pick-Me-Up: Turn Anyone's Mood
24. Make Anyone More Apologetic
Around, Fast 43 157
25. Erase the Anger and Make Anyone More
9. Give the Gift of Self-Esteem: Help Anyone
Forgiving
Like Himself More 49 165
26. Make Anyone More Interested in Anything
10. Eliminate Anyone's Self-Destructive Behaviors 61 171
27. Stop Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Anyone
11. In Case of Emergency 73 177
28. Change the Chronically Late Person
183
29. Change the Person Who Nags
189
III. Plastic Surgery for the Personality
Conclusion
Discover the psychological principles that can rechannel a 197
person's personality, nature, and character. Turn that an- Bibliography
199
noying, arrogant, lazy, self-centered, self-absorbed person
into a giving, kind, and easygoing pleasure.
12. Can You Really Change a Person's Personality? 79
13. Change Anyone's Mind, and Stop Stubborn
Behavior Anytime 81
14. Make Anyone More Assertive 89
15. Turn a Lazy Bum into an Ambitious Go-Getter 97
16. Silence the Gossipmonger in Anyone 107
17. Make Anybody More Open and Expressive 113
18. Turn Any Wallflower into a Social Butterfly 119
19. Change a Stingy Person into a Generous One 125
20. Help Anyone to Feel Less Guilty about
Anything 131
IV. How to Change Anyone's Attitude and
Behavior
Use the power of psychology to rid anyone of a negative atti-
tude about anything and eliminate any unwanted behavior.
Whether it is your patient, child, friend, or spouse, help
someone who doesn't want to, or thinks he doesn't need to,
change—fast and for good.
21. Infuse Anyone with an Unwavering Sense
of Responsibility 137
22. Bring Out the Romantic Side in Anyone 145
23. Make Anyone More Respectful: Dramatically
Change How Someone Treats You,
Your Friends, and Your Family 151
f
Acknowledgments
Many hardworking, passionate, and dedicated people are involved
in the process and ultimate success of any book. My thanks and ap-
preciation go to my agent, Ian Klienert at The Literary Group. He is
a consummate professional and a pleasure to work with. To my edi-
tor, Jennifer Enderlin at St. Martin's Press, who is a real talent, my
gratitude for your terrific insights and suggestions. To my copy edi-
tor, Patricia Phelan, and production editor Meryl Gross, a big thank
you. Their hard work is evident throughout the entire book. To John
Karle, my extraordinary publicist, and to the great sales force at St.
Martin's who have worked tirelessly on our previous books, thank
you very much for an ongoing, outstanding job.
And most notably, my warmest thanks to those readers who have
enjoyed my previous books, your kind letters of appreciation fuel my
quest to continue writing books that try, in some small way, to enrich
our lives.
Introduction
Don't let crazy people drive you crazy. Don't let annoying, petty, ob-
noxious individuals get under your skin. Why be annoyed and frus-
trated by those who don't listen to you, respect you, or care about
you and what you want? Whether it's your child, spouse, friend,
client, patient, boss, or coworker, why just "deal" with people when
you can change them?
How to Change Anybody gives you the psychological tools to re-
shape and remake anyone into a better person. It shows you how to
make permanent changes, not merely how to put up with difficult
people or to be more tolerant.
Before you break up with your boyfriend, fire your employee, or
write off your mother-in-law, change them into someone new. Why be
contorted, twisting and turning yourself trying to accommodate oth-
ers, when you can go right to the root of the problem—their beliefs,
values, attitudes, or personality—and change it, fast and forever.
Who in your life could use a mental makeover, a little plastic
surgery for the personality? Whether you don't like an employee's
INTRODUCTION
attitude, want a patient to quit drinking, wish your spouse would
care more about appearance, want your mother-in-law to see the best
in you, wish your friend would get out of an abusive relationship, or
want your child to be more assertive, this book will show you how to
achieve the change you desire, step-by-step. Armed with the psycho-
logical secrets governing human behavior, you will learn how to
change anyone for the better-and to change your life for good.
A Note to the Reader
The techniques in How to Change Anybody are designed to change
any and all aspects of a person. When we speak of change, however,
we are not talking about turning someone into a slave to do your un-
conditional bidding. These psychological strategies work only to
change someone for the better.
As you follow the advice in this book, you will discover that mak-
ing real and permanent change in a person increases his or her sense
of self-worth. So the techniques won't work unless the change you
want to initiate is in the person's best interest. And when you want to
help someone become a better person, you will find that you can
change anybody faster and easier than you ever thought possible.
1
How to Use This Book
This book is designed to be used right away. You do not have to read
any of the psychology involved if you do not want to, nor do you
have to read the chapters that do not apply to your situation. To get
started, look in the table of contents for the type of change you want
to make and go right to the relevant chapter. There you will find
step-by-step techniques that illustrate what to do and how to do it.
What If I Can't Find an Example of What I Want to Change?
A broad spectrum of examples are presented to illustrate the various
types of psychological techniques. However, if you don't find the ex-
act attitude or behavior you want to change, that's okay. Just apply
the technique that is most similar to the type of change you want to
make in someone.