How Homophobia Hurts Children: Nurturing Diversity At Home, At School, And In The Community

239 Pages·2002·3.594 MB·English

by  Jean M. Baker

How Homophobia Hurts
Children
Nurturing Diversity
at Home, at School,
and in the Community
HAWORTH Gay & Lesbian Studies
John P. De Cecco, PhD
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How Homophobia Hurts
Children
Nurturing Diversity
at Home, at School,
and in the Community
Jean M. Baker, PhD
~ ~~o~~~~n~~;up
NEWYORKANDLONDON
First Published by
Harrington Park Press®, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc., 10 Alice Street, Binghamton, NY
13904-1580
Transferred to Digital Printing 2010 by Routledge
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© 2002 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or
utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, microfilm,
and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing
from the publisher. Reprint 2006
PUBLISHER’S NOTE
Interviewee names and circumstances have been changed to protect confidentiality.
Cover design by Jennifer M. Gaska.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Baker, Jean M.
How homophobia hurts children : nuturing diversity at home, at school, and in the community /
Jean M. Baker,
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-56023-163-7 (alk. paper)—ISBN 1-56023-164-5 (alk. paper)
1. Homophobia—United States. 2. Gay youth—United States—Psychology. 3. Gay students—
United States—Psychology. 4. Sexual harassment in education—United States. 5. Coming out
(Sexual orientation)—United States. I. Title.
HQ76.45.U5 B34 2001
306.76'6—dc21
2001045682
Publisher’s Note
The publisher has gone to great lengths to ensure the quality of this reprint
but points out that some imperfections in the original may be apparent.
To the memory ofmy son
Gary Thomas Baker,
and to my son
Andrew Jackson Baker
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JeanM.Baker,PhD,is aclinicalpsychologistwhohashadaprivate
practice in Tucson, Arizona, since 1970, the year she received her
doctorate from the University ofArizona. She has been aconsultant
on child abuse and neglect to the State ofArizona Child Protective
Services since 1980.
Dr. Baker is a pastPresident ofthe Arizona Psychological Associa
tionandcurrently serves as Chairofits Gay/LesbianiBisexualIssues
Committee. Sheis alsoamemberoftheAmericanPsychologicalAs
sociation, the southern Arizona Psychological Association, PFLAG
(Parents, Families, andFriends ofLesbians and Gays), and GLSEN,
theGay, Lesbian, StraightEducation Network. Sheis also amember
ofthe Board ofDirectors ofWingspan, Tucson's Gay, Lesbian, Bi
sexual, and TransgenderCommunityCenter, and serves as Co-Chair
ofits Youth Services Committee.
Dr.BakeristheauthorofFamilySecrets: GaySons, AMother'sStory
(Haworth, 1998). Shehas written articles andbookchapters onchild
custody and childdevelopment. Shehas presentedpapers atprofes
sional conferences, including the APA, on gay/lesbian and AIDS
relatedissues. Shehasreceivedawardsfrom theArizonaPsychological
Association for Outstanding Contributions to the Practice of Psy
chology (1999), theSouthernArizonaPsychologicalAssociationfor
Outstanding Contributions to Psychology (1997), and the Godat
Award from Wingspan for Outstanding Contribution to the Gay, Les
bian,Bisexual,andTransgenderCommunityinTucson,Arizona(1999).
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction xiii
Chapter 1. Shame CanShatter TheirDreams 1
Homophobia: A Respectable Prejudice 2
The Gay Rights Movement 2
The Homosexual Debate: Pathology or Normal Variation? 3
Growing Up in aHomophobic Culture 4
WhatIs ItLike to Grow Up Gay? 7
Adult Attitudes 9
Chapter2. Myths and Fallacies 17
Myth: Homosexuality Is aMental Illness 18
Myth: Homosexuality Can Be Cured 19
Myth: Homosexuality Is aChoice 22
Myth: Homosexuals Are Sexual Molesters 28
Myth: Homosexuals Will ConvertChildren
to Homosexuality 29
Myths and Stereotypes PerpetuatePrejudice 30
Chapter3. Identity Development 31
ErikErikson's Stages ofChild and AdolescentDevelopment 32
Chapter 4. Coming Out 4S
WhatIs Coming Out? 45
Early ChildhoodExperiences 46
Coming Outin High School 51
Coming-OutModels 53
What Do Youth Say AboutComing Out? 56
ChapterS. Parents and Families Coming Out 63
Why ShouldParents Come Out? 63
How Do Parents ReactWhen They DiscoverTheir Child
Is Gay? 64
What Does Research Show? 65
Stages ofParental Coming Out 66
My Own Story 68
Mary Borhek's Story 74
Chapter 6. ForAll Parents 7S
To Parents Who Don'tKnow WhetherTheir Child Is Gay 75
Family Reactions to Gay Children Coming Out 78
Comments 82
Chapter7. WhatHappens to Gay Children
at School? 8S
Memories ofHarassment and Intimidation 85
What Does Research Show AboutHarassment ofGays
in Schools? 88
Cultural Permissionfor Antigay Harassment 91
The Hidden Gay Students 92
Intimidation and HarassmentMay ProvokeViolence
in Schools 92
Chapter8. Students Tell Us How Schools Can Help 9S
Actions Schools Can Take 95
A Gay Football PlayerComes Out 99
Chapter9. How Individuals Within the SchoolSystem
Can Help Gay Students 101
A Teacher's Coming-OutStory 102
WhatElse Can Teachers Do? 104
What Can School Counselors and School Psychologists Do? 107
What Can School Administrators and School Boards Do? 115
Chapter 10. Gay Youth Support Groups 119
Students SpeakAboutthe Groups 120
A School Nurse 122
An English Teacher 124
A Chemistry Teacher 126
A Librarian 129
Chapter 11. A School ClimateSurvey 135
Background 135
Why Students Did orDid NotIntervene 135
Why Gay Students Would orWould Not Feel Safe
in School 139
Summary 141
Chapter 12. Transcending the Stigma 145
Are Gays and Lesbians Exceptional? 145
What's Good AboutBeing Gay? 148
Chapter 13. Enlightened Mayor Seeks Acceptance
for Gay Youths 153
Chapter 14. ForMental Health Professionals 157
Chapter 15. Legal and SocialPolicy Barriers
and How They Affect Gay Children 161
The Rightto Marry 161
Antidiscrimination Legislation 164
Antidiscrimination Policies in the Schools 165
Don'tAsk, Don'tTell: Gays in the Military 168
Archaic Sex Laws 169
Boy ScoutPolicies 170
Policies AboutAIDS 171
Antigay Hate Crimes 172
Changing Laws andPolicies Can Help OurGay Children 173
Chapter 16. Transgender Identity 175
GenderBenders 176
Transvestites 176
Androgyne 176
Transsexuals 177
Intersexed 180
Nature versus Nurture Revisited 181