Horny and Hormonal: Young People, Sex and the Anxieties of Sexuality

224 Pages·2016·1.85 MB·English

by  Nick Luxmoore

Ellis has been watching porn and his mother’s angry. Sheron says she hates her body. Mitchell’s
upset because Jack doesn’t want to have sex with him...
Sex affects everything. It may not be the single most important thing in a young person’s life, but
it’s always important and a crucial means by which young people try to understand themselves.
Yet sex and sexuality are subjects that many adults are wary of talking about with young people.
This book is about helping young people feel less anxious about sex and sexuality. It’s also about
helping professionals feel more confi dent. Weaving case material with theory and discussion,
Nick Luxmoore describes vividly the dilemmas faced by so many young people and suggests
ways of supporting them effectively at such a crucial and sensitive time in their lives.
‘Nick Luxmoore’s excellent and courageous book encourages all who work in education
to consider the signifi cance of sex, suggesting ways for it to start to be talked about and
managed. The book can be strongly recommended to all those who want to see more
open acknowledgment of the role that sex plays in our schools.’
– Jenny Pearce OBE, Professor of Young People and Public Policy,
University of Bedfordshire
‘Nick Luxmoore makes the inaccessible accessible in his latest book, which explores the
world of teenage sex and sexuality, warts and all. Inspired by the true and often troubling
realities of the many young people he has counselled, this book will make young people
feel less alone and provide the adults in their lives with the confi dence and ideas needed
to explore a wide range of sensitive issues.’
– Dr Pooky Knightsmith, Child and Adolescent Mental Health Specialist
and Advisor to the PSHE Association
Nick Luxmoore is a school counsellor, trainer, teacher, youth worker and UKCP-registered
YOUNG PEOPLE, SEX
psychodrama psychotherapist. He has nearly 40 years’ experience working with young people
and with the professionals who support them. He is the author of several books published by
Jessica Kingsley Publishers, including Essential Listening Skills for Busy School Staff, Working N AND THE ANXIETIES OF
with Anger and Young People and Feeling Like Crap: Young People and the Meaning of Self- I
C
Esteem. He currently works as a freelance trainer, supervisor and writer.
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Jessica Kingsley Publishers M
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NICK LUXMOORE
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www.jkp.com
JKP
Cover design: Adam Renvoize
HORNY AND HORMONAL
by the same author
Listening to Young People in School,
Youth Work and Counselling
ISBN 978 1 85302 909 7
eISBN 978 1 84642 201 0
Feeling Like Crap
Young People and the Meaning of Self-Esteem
ISBN 978 1 84310 682 1
eISBN 978 1 84642 819 7
Working with Anger and Young People
ISBN 978 1 84310 466 7
eISBN 978 1 84642 538 7
Essential Listening Skills for Busy School Staff
What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say
ISBN 978 1 84905 565 9
eISBN 978 1 78450 000 9
School Counsellors Working with Young People and Staff
A Whole-School Approach
ISBN 978 1 84905 460 7
eISBN 978 0 85700 838 1
Young People, Death and the Unfairness of Everything
ISBN 978 1 84905 320 4
eISBN 978 0 85700 662 2
Young People and the Curse of Ordinariness
ISBN 978 1 84905 185 9
eISBN 978 0 85700 407 9
Young People in Love and in Hate
ISBN 978 1 84905 055 5
eISBN 978 0 85700 202 0
HORNY
AND
HORMONAL
YOUNG PEOPLE, SEX
AND THE ANXIETIES OF
SEXUALITY
NICK LUXMOORE
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
First published in 2016
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
73 Collier Street
London N1 9BE, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Nick Luxmoore 2016
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in
any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium
by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to
some other use of this publication) without the written permission of
the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the
Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence
issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby
Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owner’s written
permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to
the publisher.
Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work
may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 78592 031 8
eISBN 978 1 78450 278 2
For
Frances and Julia
with love
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
A version of Chapter 5 was published by BACP as ‘Learning
to be together alone’ in May 2014 Therapy Today, Vol.25,
Issue 4.
Part of Chapter 8 was published as ‘How do I look?’ in
December 2014 BACP Children and Young People journal.
A version of Chapter 9 was published as ‘Imprisoned in
role’ in June 2014 BACP Children and Young People journal.
I’m grateful to Kathy Peto, Professor Chris Mowles,
Debbie Lee, Professor Jenny Pearce and Jane Campbell for
reading and commenting on earlier drafts of this book. I’m
also grateful to the hundreds of young people I’ve worked
with over the years, to all my supervisees past and present,
and to my own supervisor, Jane Campbell.
Thanks, as ever, to Kathy, Frances and Julia, without
whom…
CONTENTS

1 Introduction 9
2 Sexuality in Schools 33
3 Five Boys and A Girl 51
4 My Body, My Self 71
5 Learning to be Alone 95
6 Shame and Privacy 107
7 Mothers and Fathers 129
8 Sexuality in the Counselling Room 149
9 Getting Stuck in a Role 181
10 Anger, Creativity and Sexuality 191
Endpiece 207
References 209
Index 215

1
INTRODUCTION
ELEANOR’S THIRTEEN. APPARENTLY she copes
perfectly well with academic work, yet stays at home saying
she’s unwell and refusing to go to school.
‘I think the real problem isn’t bullying or anything like
that,’ says her teacher. ‘I think it’s anxiety… Any chance of
you seeing her?’
As a counsellor, I see lots of young people who say they’re
suffering from ‘anxiety’, that they’ve had panic attacks, that
they can’t sleep, that they’ve been to the doctor and that
the doctor says they might be ‘depressed’. I know nothing
of what’s been going on in Eleanor’s life, of her relationships
at home or of what might have happened in the past. I do
know, however, that when young people say they’re ‘anxious’,
they’re usually describing a conflict – often an unconscious
conflict – between how they feel and how they must behave,
between wanting to remain a child and having to grow up.
‘Anxious’ usually involves having mixed feelings.
When we meet, she talks incessantly about her animals.
She has all sorts; they all belong to her and they all need
looking after. When I ask about her friends, she says she
doesn’t have any. Well, not really. At least, not any friends she
sees out of school.
9