Holy matrimony! : better halves and bitter halves : actors, athletes, comedians, directors, divas, philosophers, poets, politicians, and other celebs talk about marriage

303 Pages·2003·1.4 MB·English

by  Hadleigh

Holy Matrimony!
BY THE SAME AUTHOR:
Celebrity Lies!
Celebrity Feuds!
Celluloid Gaze
The Lavender Screen
Hollywood & Whine
In or Out
Sing Out!
Hollywood Gays
Bette Davis Speaks
Hollywood Lesbians
Hollywood Babble On
Leading Ladies (UK)
Hispanic Hollywood
The Films of Jane Fonda

To Ronnie:
Twenty-seven years . . . every
day’s a holiday!
CONTENTS
I
ntroduction
S
ex, and Before Marriage
W
omen on Marriage
M
en on Marriage
B
roken Marriages
D
ivorce
L
asting Marriage
INTRODUCTION

ove and marriage. If there’s any topic that most anybody will gladly open
L
up about, that’s the one. Or ones. Everybody has a romantic history, a
marital tale, or a theory. What makes a marriage last? Why don’t most last
as long, these days? Love and marriage, or love versus marriage? Does matrimony
spell the end of romance? When is the honeymoon actually over? Marriage or
honeymoon first? Is “sweetheart” really the past tense of “daddy”?
Love is the great common denominator. It’s the one thing everybody shares
in, regardless of outward differences and varying arrangements or duration. Of
course the word has been so overexposed that the romantic souls who still write
love letters may choose a more dramatic verb like “adore,” to distinguish from
usages like “I love cheesecake” or “We love our postman—he always rings
twice.”
The word “marriage” has also been modified. For instance, it’s often used in
regard to mergers, as in “a corporate marriage.” Webster’s New World Dictionary
reminds us that marriage includes “any close union” and that to marry means “to
enter into a close relationship.” Marriage has expanded beyond a narrow legal
term, for obviously two people can be a lifelong loving couple without having
signed a contract.
The point is, although love is a universal language, in reality it’s as varied as
the individuals experiencing it. People routinely compare their own to others’
relationships, measuring not just in years, but more important, in quality,
compatibility, fidelity, affection, and so on. Connubial tips, clues, and news are a
staple of daily conversation and weekly periodicals. If our neighbors’ marriages
appear too dull to comment on (perhaps because they’re happily uneventful), we
can always follow the real-life soap operas of celebrity marriages. We all have
certain famous couples we root for, some we feel sure are doomed, and some we
just don’t believe (publicity-based celebrity mergers).
We root for romance, for lasting unions. We want love to conquer all. And
when sometimes it doesn’t, we like to know—even if we don’t wish to seem like
we want to know—what happened? And whose fault was it, really? (We often
assume one partner is blame-free!) Our increasingly tabloidized era seems
obsessed with love and marriage, love without marriage, marriages ending up
without love, and so on.
The love affairs, marriages, and marital woes of celebrities—be they actors,
politicians, or royalty—remind us that they’re human too and reassure us that
fame and fortune don’t guarantee happy relationships. Reading about VIPs’
domestic ups and downs brings them closer to us and can put our own less hectic,
more stable unions into clearer, more appreciated perspective.
In many or most interviews with celebrities, the most interesting quote is
one about love or marriage. The contents of this book were culled from
hundreds of interviews and articles in magazines, newspapers, books, and on
television. Hopefully these stellar nuggets will amuse, entertain, inform, surprise,
evoke laughter, and possibly shock or amaze. They may also make you aware of
how good you have it.
Whoso loves believes the impossible.
—ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING
When two are gathered together, majorities shall not triumph.
—E. M. FORSTER
Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our
expenses.
—ENGLISH PROVERB
Sex, and Before Marriage
A
husband is what’s left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.
—LOU COSTELLO OF ABBOTT AND COSTELLO
W
hen two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most
delusive and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will
remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition continuously until
death do them part.
—GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
I
f love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
—LILY TOMLIN
O
ne should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
—OSCAR WILDE
A
ll marriages are happy. It’s after the honeymoon, when you go home together,
that the problems usually begin.
—JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS OF SEINFEL
T
he success of the marriage comes after the failure of the honeymoon.
—ENGLISH WRITER G. K. CHESTERTON
I
sn’t it a shame honeymoons don’t last? Such a sweet, lovely time that is. Even if
you aren’t thinking all that logically. On my last honeymoon my husband Charles