Table Of ContentHealthy Anger:
How to Help Children
and Teens Manage their
Anger
Bernard Golden, Ph.D.
OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS
Healthy Anger
Also by Bernard Golden
New Hope for People with Bipolar Disorder
(coauthored with Jan Fawcett and Nancy Rosenfeld)
Healthy Anger
How to Help Children and Teens
Manage Their Anger
Bernard Golden, Ph.D.
2003
Oxford New York
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Copyright © 2003 by Bernard Golden
Published by Oxford University Press, Inc.
198 Madison Avenue, New York, New York 10016
www.oup.com
Oxford is a registered trademark of Oxford University Press
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means
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without prior permission of Oxford University Press.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Golden, Bernard
Healthy anger : how to help children and teens
manage their anger / Bernard Golden
p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0–19–515657–9
1. Anger in children.
2. Anger in adolescence.
3. Child rearing.
I. Title.
BF723.A4 G65 2002 155.4'1247—dc21 2002022009
Criteria for depression and other disorders described in Chapter 17 are reprinted with
permission from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth
Edition, Text Revision. Copyright © 2000 American Psychiatric Association.
“Warning Signs of Teen Violence,” brochure cited in Chapter 17. Copyright © 1999
by the American Psychological Association. Adapted with permission. For additional
information, visit http://helping.apa.org/warningsigns.
Typeset by Glen R.J. Mules, New Rochelle, NY
1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2
Printed in the United States of America
on acid-free paper
(cid:1)
To Dale
(cid:1)
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Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction 1
I Understanding and Recognizing Anger in Children and Teens
1 The Key Component for Anger Management:
Your Relationship with Your Child 11
2 Guiding Principles of Healthy Anger 21
3 The Adverse Effects of Anger 29
4 A Comprehensive View of Anger 37
5 How Children and Teens Express Anger 65
II How to Apply the Model of Anger with Your Child or Teen
6 General Guidelines for Using the Model of Anger 97
7 Identifying Emotions Associated with Anger 102
8 Identifying and Confronting Self-talk Based on “Child Logic” 131
9 What Does Your Child Really Want or Need? 144
10 Making Sense of Anger in the World Around Us 161
11 Relaxation: A Primary Task in Managing Anger 180
12 I Need to Think About It 193
13 Okay, I’m Ready to Talk About It 205
14 Acceptance and Forgiveness 227
III Special Considerations
15 Rewarding Behaviors 255
16 Responding to Escalating Anger 270
17 Anger, Hostility, and Aggression: The Need for Special Support 280
Conclusion 302
Notes 305
Resources / Movies / Publications / Bibliography 308
Index 313
vii
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Acknowledgments
Completing this book marks the end of a very long and rewarding
journey. It is one I have taken with the personal and professional
support of family, friends, and colleagues. Therefore, I would like to ex-
press my deepest gratitude to some of the many people who have helped
make Healthy Anger possible.
First, I am extremely grateful to Nancy Rosenfeld, my friend, my
agent, and the source of the idea for New Hope for People with Bipolar
Disorder, a book she and I coauthored with Dr. Jan Fawcett. The feed-
back and encouragement she provided on that project and this book
helped push me in a direction to make the manuscripts the best they
could be. I am again, and still, appreciative of her determination, drive,
and commitment to quality.
I want to also thank the many friends and colleagues who over the
years have listened to my ideas and offered critical feedback and
support. Specifically, I want to thank Drs. Bonnie Holstein, Bonnie
Rudolph, Frank Gruber-McCallister, Adrienne Allert, and Robert
Marshall.
I am also grateful to Ray Bramble, a friend and colleague who con-
tributed to my doctoral research and for almost three decades listened
to my plan to write a book about anger.
I am especially thankful to Dr. Patricia Robbins for her thoughtful
consideration and confidence in introducing me to Nancy Rosenfeld.
I am most appreciative of Joan Bossert for her extremely supportive
response when we first contacted Oxford. As vice president and associ-
ate publisher, she gave this project a most powerful reception that con-
vinced me that Oxford was the best possible publisher for this book. I
am also grateful to other members of the Oxford team, including
Helen Mules, Sue Warga, and Kim Robinson.
I want to thank my mother for her love, support, and ongoing en-
couragement, especially in the writing of this book.
Finally, I want to thank the many clients and their families, the work-
shop participants, and the students I have worked with, all of whom
taught me many lessons regarding anger.
January 2002 B.G.
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