Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction

244 Pages·2004·1.08 MB·English

by  Mark Laaser

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H
EALING
W
OUNDS
the
S
EXUAL
of
A
DDICTION
X
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EXPANDED AND UPDATED EDITION OF FAITHFUL AND TRUE
H
EALING
W
OUNDS
the
S
EXUAL
of
A
DDICTION
X
DR. MARK R. LAASER
FOUNDER OF FAITHFUL AND TRUE MINISTRIES
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ZONDERVAN
Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction
Copyright © 1992, 1996, 2004 by Mark Laaser
All rights reserved under International and Pan -American Copyright Conventions. By payment of
the required fees, you have been granted the non -exclusive, non-transferable right to access and
read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down ­
loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage
and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known
or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan.
AER Edition January 2009 ISBN: 978-0-310-55977-1
Previously published as The Secret Sin andFaithful and True.
Requests for information should be addressed to:
Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Laaser, Mark.
Healing the wounds of sexual addiction / Mark Laaser ; foreword by Gary
Smalley, Patrick Carnes.
p. cm.
Rev. ed. of: Faithful & true. c1996.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 0-310-25657-7
1. Sex addicts—Religious life. 2. Sex addiction—Religious aspects—
Christianity. 3. Sex addicts—Rehabilitation. 4. Sex addiction—Treatment.
I. Laaser, Mark R. Faithful & true. II. Title.
BV4596.S42L32 2004
241'.66—dc22 2004007056
All names and circumstances have been changed to protect the privacy of the individu-
als involved.
A percentage of royalties from sales of this book is donated to aid victims of pastoral sex-
ual abuse.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New
International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible
Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NLTare taken from the Holy Bible: New Living Transla-
tion, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton,
Illinois. All rights reserved.
The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to
you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the
part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photo-
copy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without
the prior permission of the publisher.
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Contents
X
Foreword to the Second Edition: Faithful and True 7
Foreword to the First Edition: The Secret Sin 9
Acknowledgments 11
There Is Hope 13
Part 1: What Is Sexual Addiction?
1. Sexual Addiction and Sin 23
2. Building-Block Behaviors of Sex Addicts 28
3. Types of Sexual Addiction 36
4. Understanding and Identifying the Characteristics
of Sexual Addiction 45
Part 2: The Roots of Sexual Addiction
5. Unhealthy Family Dynamics 73
6. Family Abuse 92
7. How Sex Addicts Cope with Abuse 109
Part 3: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction
8. The Journey of Healing 121
9. Confronting the Sex Addict 140
10. Treatment Issues in Sexual Addiction 148
11. Healing for Couples 170
Part 4: Healing the Wounds of the Church
12. Sexually Addicted Pastors and Priests 193
13. Healing for Congregations 208
Conclusion 222
Notes 225
Resources 228
About the Publisher 241
Share Your Thoughts 242
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Foreword to the First Edition
The Secret Sin
X
The Christian church, both Protestant and Catholic, is experienc-
ing tremendous turmoil in the area of sexuality. We have Christian
leaders whose sexual behavior has become a problem of credibility for
their ministries. They ask forgiveness only to become embroiled in sex-
ual sins again and again. The media exposes their folly, and the sacred
becomes the focus of our culture’s wit and sarcasm.
The problem seems epidemic. We have a clergyman, a Roman
Catholic priest, who has 163 counts of sexual misconduct with children.
We have a bishop whose affair became a national scandal—only to find
that the woman has been involved with a series of ministers. We have
a denomination facing close to a billion dollars in out-of-court settle-
ments for child sexual abuse. We have a clergyman, who preached
national crusades against pornography, arrested for the production and
distribution of child pornography.
The church membership also struggles. Some struggle with inhib-
ited sexual desire. God’s desire for their sexual lives remains elusive. The
sexual compulsivity of others drives them to secret lives of shame and
self-hatred because they cannot live up to their values. Both types prob-
ably suffer the aftereffects of sexual abuse, the memories of which reside
in the shadowy fringes of their consciousness. They do not know what
troubles them, and even incessant prayer does not take away the pain.
9