Happy Hours: Alcohol in a Woman's Life

400 Pages·2002·1.15 MB·English

by  Devon Jersild

Happy
Hours
Alcohol in a Woman’s Life
D E V O N J E R S I L D
To the memory of
my mother,
and to my father
and Dee

Contents
Acknowledgments vii
Foreword by Sheila B. Blume, M.D. ix
Introduction 1
Part One • The Impact of Alcohol 21
1. WHY MEN CAN OUTDRINK WOMEN 23
2. WOMEN AND DRINKING: A LONG STORY IN BRIEF 35
Part Two • On the Job and in Families 47
3. MARRIAGE AND PARTNERSHIPS 49
4. MOTHERS: A MESSAGE FROM THE OWL 69
5. TEENAGE GIRLS AND COLLEGE WOMEN 91
6. ON THE JOB 126
Part Three • Take Two at Bedtime:
Drinking as Self-Medication 147
7. LOVE HUNGER 149
8. SPRINGS OF SORROW: DRINKING AT TIMES OF LOSS 173
9. STEALING COURAGE FROM A TURTLE ’S HEART:
SEXUALLY ABUSED WOMEN FIGHTING ALCOHOL 190
vi C o n t e n t s
Part Four • Women’s Paths in Recovery 223
10. DOCTORS STILL DON’T GET IT 225
11. WORKING WITH DIFFERENCE: MINNESOTA INDIAN WOMEN’S
RESOURCE CENTER AND AFRICAN-AMERICAN FAMILY
SERVICES 238
12. RECOVERY: ONLY CONNECT 285
Afterword 320
Appendix A: Do You Have a Drinking Problem? 325
Appendix B: Where to Go for Help and Information 327
Notes 335
Selected Readings 362
Index 366
About the Author
Praise
Credits
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
Acknowledgments
I am deeply grateful to the women in recovery who
shared their stories with me. I learned far more than I expected to learn,
and not just about problems with alcohol. These women taught me to
look at my own life in a new way. Their stories, whether or not they
appear in these pages, are close to my heart.
I am indebted to the many clinicians, researchers, scientists, and
psychologists who took time to talk with me and, in many cases, sent
me copies of their research. Among these, I owe particular thanks to
Sharon Wilsnack, who was endlessly gracious; to Claudia Bepko, Diane
Byington, Rita Teusch, Elizabeth Zelvin, Sylvia Staub, George Lewis,
and Leslie Ann Sparks, who shared their clinical experience; to John
Searles and Henri Begleiter, for clarifications of scientific material; and
to Sheila Blume, who answered questions and challenged me in helpful
ways. Whatever errors appear are my own.
My agent, Geri Thoma, supported me from this project’s incep-
tion and guided me wisely throughout. I relied on her good spirits,
energy, and insight. My editor, Diane Reverand, communicated her
confidence in the book, and this sustained me at crucial moments. I am
grateful to Diane and Janet Dery for editorial direction. Early on, Tri-
viii A c k n o w l e d g m e n t s
cia Welsch told me to scrap my impossible outline and write about
what interested me; for listening deeply, I thank her. Michael Lowen-
thal, Pamela Erens, Yonna McShane, Linda Meyers, Audrey Galex, and
Joyce Henderson read drafts of the manuscript at different stages and
gave me essential feedback. Shauna Hill, Christina Norris-Watts, and
Eric Munson were resourceful, reliable, and patient research assistants.
At the copyediting stage, Susan Gamer’s astute and sensitive work
improved the book significantly.
I appreciate the generosity of family members and friends who
gave me lodging and comfort on research trips and writing retreats,
especially Tom and Kathleen Strombeck, Lola Van Wagenen and
George Burrill, Mary Kelley and Phil Pochoda. Thanks also to the
Bishop Booth Episcopal Retreat Center.
My father, Harold, was a loving background presence throughout
this project, as he has been all of my life. My stepmother, Dee, has for
years supported me more than she knows, with her enthusiasm and her
unfailing interest.
Thanks to my husband, Jay Parini, for his loving attention, for
giving me time and space, for offering counsel when I needed it, and
for caring, always. Nothing was too big for him to help me with, and
nothing was too small. For coping cheerfully with my absences, more
thanks to Jay and to our children—Leo, who missed me; and Will and
Oliver, who swear they didn’t. I am glad for their ebullient presence
and even their interruptions.
Without Polly Young-Eisendrath, I could not have carried this
book through, or even imagined writing it. I am grateful beyond
words.
During the three years I worked on this book, I became aware of
how much I am supported by dear friends, some close at hand, some
very far away. I have relied on our shared meals, walks, and conversa-
tions. Their encouragement and love have made me feel very much
blessed.
Special thanks to my sister, Carri, for her generous spirit, her loy-
alty, and her willingness to share her story, which is so much a part of
mine.
Foreword
In HAPPY HOURS, Devon Jersild’s eloquent render-
i n g of the stories of women and their alcohol problems is supported by
her research in the field of alcohol studies. She has captured this huge
literature in an engaging and scientifically objective manner, and she
has woven the information into an enlightening, moving, and em-
pathic book.
Her subject is important to all of us, whether or not we ourselves
drink. The women in Happy Hours are our friends and neighbors, the
driver of the car next to us on the highway, the patient being taken to
the hospital in the ambulance for whom we pull over to the side of the
road, the surgeon who will operate on that patient, and the nurse who
will monitor her vital signs. Happy Hours is about the teachers and
coaches and school bus drivers to whom we entrust our children. Devon
Jersild introduces us to these women and to alcohol.
When we contemplate how deeply alcohol is embedded in Amer-
ican culture, it is easy to conclude that nearly all Americans drink. But
that isn’t so. As of 1990, over 40 percent of American women and
nearly 30 percent of men reported that they did not use alcohol, so the
guest next to you at the party may very well be drinking club soda or
ginger ale. There are many reasons that people choose not to drink.