Table Of ContentJJUUNNEE1188//119922002222
Ihearyouneedspace.I’llbeoverherewhenyouneedme Nothingfeelsrighttoday,huh
Let’stakeadeepbreath Igetangrysometimes,too.We’llfigurethisouttogether
The anxiety of gentle parenting
ByCourtneyWeaver
June18/192022
FEATURES
18.
Theagonyandtheecstasy
ofgentleparenting
Thegentleparentingmovement
wantskidstobedrivenbyinternal
rewards,notstickerchartsorfear.
Butsomeparentsworryitmaylead
toagenerationofnarcissists.
ByCourtneyWeaver
28.
▶ Cutanddry
AuthorChrisKrausonAmerican
artistJustineKurland’sdazzlingand
disorientatingcollages
‘LOSALAMOSREVISITED’,BYJUSTINEKURLAND,2021
INTELLECT APPETITES WIT&WISDOM
9 TimHarford 14 SimonKuper 37 TimHayward 44 RobertShrimsley
Socialmedia’spullonteens Europe’sbadfaithinUkraine Wildwildwestcountry Theoneaboutgolfand
10 MadisonDarbyshire 16 GillianTett 38 Recipe theSaudis
Alovelettertovoicenotes Whenbotsbreakbad Double-layerchocolatecake 45 Games
12 Gallery 41 JancisRobinson 46 TheQuestionnaire
PaulTrevorinWhitechapel Ahelpinghandfor PaulThompson,educator
Germany’srisingstars
43 FantasyDinner
byEllaRisbridger
Issuenumber976•Onlineft.com/magazine•FTWeekendMagazineisprintedbytheWalsteadGroupintheUKand ONTHECOVER
publishedbyTheFinancialTimesLtd,BrackenHouse,1FridayStreet,LondonEC4M9BT©TheFinancialTimesLtd2022 IllustrationbyLianaFinck
Nopartofthismagazinemaybereproducedinanyformwithoutthepriorexpresspermissionofthepublisher
Marginaliaby
PPurobdliuschtiniogn::DDaapnhnnyeMKaocvkalcins,,ahdevaedrtoisfiandgvperrotidsiuncgt,ioFnT–Wdeaenkieenl.dmMacakglianz@infet.–codmapohrnme.akgosvcaocps@[email protected] NadineRedlich @FTMag
FT.COM/MAGAZINE JUNE18/192022 5
Letters
Learninghowtothink Politicianscouldlearnfrom eventareidentified:cost;timeand
byTimHarford elitefootball inconvenience;thecrushonthe
Asalwaysmyweekendismadeby bySimonKuper Tube.Anotherone,whichislikely
readingTimHarfordandSimon SimonKupercouldhavetakenhis tobethemajorconcernforwomen
Kuper.Bothrefertointellectualand thoughtfurtherbyaskingwhatit whoarenotaccompaniedbymen,
othervirtuesintheirarticles. wouldtaketomakepoliticstruly ispersonalsafety.Nobodywants
Iwasamazedthatnooneoffered meritocratic.Thereisacrucial tobethenextSarahEverard.Itis
“judgment”toTimHarfordin aspecttofootball’sculture,in enoughtoexcludesomewomen
theirlistofdesirablesinlearning particularincoaching,thatis fromattendingeventsatall.
tothink.Asa(nowretired) currentlyabsentfromnational RDonaldson,Twickenham
neurosurgeon,Ihadtomake politics:theabilitytohirethe
judgmentseverydayandIwaspaid bestacrossborders.Ihavelong Spaghettiallevongole
tomakegoodjudgmentsasmuchas wonderedwhetheronedaywe byRowleyLeigh
cleanincisions.Asurgeonwithout willbeabletochooseourleaders Serendipitous!Iampresentlyina
judgmentisamenacebuthowdo notjustfromtheshallowpoolthat smallfishingvillagetothenorth
youteachjudgment? nationalpoliticsprovidesbutfrom ofOportohavingpurchaseda
Ilearntbybeinganapprentice aninternationalmarketplace.As kiloofvongole.Ihaveabottleof
surgeontooneortwotruly ConservativeMPshavejustvotedto ▶ JUNE11/12 Encruzado(whitewine)fromaDão
remarkablesurgeons.Sadly retainoneofthemostincompetent Whowantstoownahotel? estatetodrinkwiththeclamsbut
theconceptofbeingasurgical leadersofmoderntimes,we’re hadn’tworkedoutwhattodowith
apprenticehasnowbeenbinnedin allowedtodream,right? them.Itwasgoingtobetheevening
favourof“staffrotas”sothetrainee HendrikKerkhoff,London mealbut,asIamnowsalivating,it
neverhasthetimeoropportunity beckonsforlunch.
toformthenecessaryrelationship Democraticpoliticsisa MarcCassinviaFT.com
withtheirbosstoimbibethissubtle meritocracy,butthehugecategory
butvitalknowledge.Igrewto errorcomesfromassumingthatthe A13th-centuryrecipe
respect,admireand,indeed,love “game”inquestionis“delivering bookuncovered
theseteachers. goodgovernment”.Thegamethat byPollyRussell
ChrisAdams,Oxford playersindemocraticpolitics The13th-centurymanuscriptof
arebeingselectedforis“winning recipesnotonlyawokemyappetite
CouldIsuggestthatthe“abilityto elections”.Thevictoryconditionsof butalsohadanairoffamiliarity.
workaspartofateam”beaddedto thegamearegettingelected,andto Thelentilsrecipeisprecisely
thelist?Thiswouldhelpyoutosee reachthatpointonefirstneedsto howit’smadebymymotherand
thebiggerpicture. beinapositiontobeelected,which grandmother(minusthesaffron
PaulFarrell,Dublin meansplayingpartypolitics. –tooexpensive)andthehalva
Playersmustdisplayskillin (halwã)withhoney,walnutsand
IamsurprisedthatHarford’s playingpartypolitics,ingratiating pistachioswasachildhoodtreat.
excellentcoverageoftheissuesin themselveswiththemediaand Butmyfamily’sheritagecomes
thisarticledoesnotincludefirst- donors,PRandself-promotion. fromthousandsofkilometreseast
principlesthinking.Namelythat, Onthese,currenttoppoliticians ofMurcia,withinthesmallisland
beforeweevergetto“Howthings inwesterncountriesdoverywell. ofCyprusonthebordersofEurope
shouldbedone”,whichappearsto Sadlyfortherestofus,thisisnot andtheMiddleEast.Appetitesare
bethefocusofeducationtoday(in muchcorrelatedwithdelivering largebuttheworldissmall.
effect“Apprenticeshipthinking”), effectivegovernment. AndreaDeLucy,London
weneedtoaskourselves“What Guest-4viaFT.com
TOCONTRIBUTE
arewetryingtoachieve?”and, Thankyou,whatalovelyarticle.
moreimportantly,“Whyarewe LastPriustofreedom Youcancommentonourarticlesonline Nowit’scomingclosetolunchtime
[email protected].
tryingtoachievethisratherthan byRobertShrimsley andthishasmademehungry.
Pleaseincludeadaytimetelephone
somethingelse?” Severalnegativeaspectsof Tombthatknowsnosound
numberandfulladdress(notfor
Solon2021viaFT.com returninghomeafteralate-night publication).Lettersmaybeedited. viaFT.com
DidyouknowFTWeekendhasapodcast?Weexploretoday’s eiruaLdnayrF=nosrednAeiruaL+yrFhtebazilE
culture,bigideas,nuancedquestionsandwhatitmeansto ziuqerutciP
bmulP.01tlebenworBmaS.9esaesidemyL.8
liveagoodlife.Joinusforinspiringconversations,in-depth lruP.7)straehkcalBehtdna(tteJnaoJ.6)dniW
ehthtiwenoG(araH’OttelracS.5thgiWfoelsI.4eneerG
storytelling,abitofescapismandalotoffun.Search maharG.3)rytaskeerGehtfotnelaviuqeeht(nuaF.2diK
‘FTWeekend’whereyoulisten,orft.com/ftweekendpodcast ehtpUwelBI,yenoH.1.sruolocfosenohpomohsawknilehT
srewsnaziuQ
6 FT.COM/MAGAZINE JUNE18/192022
IInside:Wnhenrobotsknowallyoursetcretsp16 ellect
UndercoverEconomist
TIMHARFORD
Thehighpricesociety
paysforsocialmedia
Sittingexamsisunpleasantatthebestoftimes,butmydaugh-
terbelievesshehasextracausetocomplain.TwoofherA-level
papersarescheduledforthesametime,soshemusttakeabreak
betweenthemwithonlyaninvigilatorforcompany.“Ican’teven
havemyphone,”sheprotests.
BecauseIamtheworstparentintheworld,Iopinethatit
wouldbeverygoodforhermentalhealthtobewithoutherphone
foracoupleofhours.Shecouldchallengemetoproveit,butmore
sensibly,sherollshereyesandwalksaway.
ErnestHemingwayoncedeclaredthat“whatismoraliswhat
youfeelgoodafterandwhatisimmoraliswhatyoufeelbad
after”.I’mnotsureifthatstandsuptophilosophicalscrutiny,but
Idothinkit’sworthaskingourselveshowoftenwefeelbadafter
spendingtimeonsocialmedia.Iusuallyfeeldisheartenedanda
littleself-loathingafterdoomscrollingonTwitterinawaythatI
neverfeelafterreadingabookoradecentmagazine.
That’stheexperienceofamiddle-agedmanonTwitter.What
about the experience of a teenage girl on Instagram? A few
monthsagothepsychologistJonathanHaidtpublishedanessay
inTheAtlanticarguingthatInstagramwastoxictothemental
healthofadolescentgirls.Itis,afterall,“aplatformthatgirlsuse
topostphotographsofthemselvesandawaitthepublicjudg-
mentsofothers”.▶
FT.COM/MAGAZINE JUNE18/192022 ILLUSTRATIONBYGUILLEMCASASÚS 99
Intellect
◀ThatechoesresearchbyFacebook,whichownsInstagram. NotesfromtheCuttingEdge
Aninternalpresentation,leakedlastyearbyFrancesHaugen, MADISON
said:“Thirty-twopercentofteengirlssaidthatwhentheyfelt
badabouttheirbodies,Instagrammadethemfeelworse.”Inthe DARBYSHIRE
UKbetween2003and2018,therewasasharpincreaseinanx-
Whyreceivingavoice
iety,depressionandself-harm,andamoremodestincreasein
eatingdisorders,inpeopleundertheageof21.Inabsoluteterms, noteisasgoodas
anxiety,depression,self-harmandeatingdisorderswerehigher
ingirlsthanboys.SimilartrendscanbefoundintheUSand anairmailenvelope
elsewhereintheEnglish-speakingworld.Andateamofpsychol-
ogistsincludingHaidtandJeanTwengehasfoundincreasesin
lonelinessreportedby15-and16-year-oldsinmostpartsofthe
world.Thedataoftenseemtoshowtheseproblemstakingaturn Nothingmakesmemoreacutely requiresjustonehandandnoeyes
fortheworseafter2010. awareofthepainofanopen-plan forthebusyandoverburdened.
Thereareotherexplanationsforanincreaseinteenanxiety officethanreceivingavoicenote. Theylacktheexpansivebrevity
(the2008bankingcrisis;Covid-19andlockdowns;schoolshoot- Istopeverythingandpickapartmy ofanemoji,yetgiveustone,tan-
ings;climatechange;DonaldTrump)butnoneofthemquitefits morassoftangledheadphonecords gents,theraspofavoicefirstthing
thebroadpatternweobserve,inwhichlifestartedtogetworsefor tolisten.Perhapsthemosttrans- inthemorning.Thebeautyofaudio
teenagersaround2010inmanypartsoftheworld.Whatdoesfit formationalinnovationintelecoms messagesisthattheyareactually
thepatternisthewideningavailabilityofsmartphones. sincetexting,theyarealsothemost notliketextsatall.
Thissortofbroadcorrelationaldataissuggestiveofaprob- controversial, both reviled and During the pandemic, when
lem,buthardlyconclusive.Andalargeanddetailedstudyby loved.“Peoplewhosendvoicenotes everything became literally and
AmyOrbenandAndrewPrzybylskioftheUniversityofOxford arepoison,”onethinkpieceargued. spiritually remote, voice notes
foundverylittlecorrelationbetweentheamountoftimespent Whileleavingavoicenoteisas brought humanity into our con-
onscreensandthewellbeingofadolescents.Thisstudyseemsto simpleastappingthemicrophone versation. They help bridge a
memorerobustandrigorousthanmost,withonemajorweak- where you’d normally type with communication gap that is even
ness:itlumpstogetherallformsofscreentime–fromDisney+ the keyboard into WhatsApp or wider,makingiteasierforpeople
TtoMinecraft,TikToktoWikipedia. iMessage,listeningtothemcanbe withreadingcomprehensionissues,
awkward.Ifyousimplypressplay, physical disabilities, non-native
hreerecentpiecesofanalysisapproachthesub- anyone within earshot will hear. speakers,oreventhosewhojustdo
jectquitedifferently.OnefromLucaBraghieri Theymakedemandsonyourtime betterinperson,tocommunicatein
and two fellow economists looks at the cam- andattentioninawayatextmes- anincreasinglytext-firstworld.
pus-by-campus rollout of Facebook across sage–readableanywhere,scannable Lastweekinsearchofcomfort,I
UScollegesbetweenearly2004,whenitwas inseconds–doesnot.“There’san watchedthe1990sTVshowFelicity.
launchedatHarvard,andlate2006,whenitwas arrogancetothem,” The main charac-
madeavailabletothegeneralpublic.Becausethisrolloutis afriendsaid. tertakesoutavoice
Voicenotesmake
sharplystaggered,itcreatesaquasi-randomisedtrial,whichis Yet like most recorder and tapes
demandsinawaytext
abettersourceofdatathanbroadcorrelations.Theresearch- new things I ini- (onacassette!)her-
ersfindalargenegativeeffectofthelaunchofFacebookon tiallyhatebecause messages–readable self talking, before
mentalhealth–somewherebetweenone-quarterandone-fifth they seem unnec- anywhere,scannable mailing it to an old
asbadastheeffectoflosingone’sjob.TheFacebookofaround essary,whenreally inseconds–donot friend.Itwasstriking
2005isnotthesameasthesocialmediaoftoday:itwasprob- theyarejustdiffer- –avoicenoteviathe
ablylessaddictiveandlessintrusive,andwasnotavailableon ent, I’m a convert. postalservice.
smartphones.Ifitwasbadthen,onewondersabouttheimpact Now when I walk to the shop, I Oldtextsliveinourphonesfor
ofsocialmedianow. canbeheardbuildingtensionina ever.Yetformeitislisteningtosaved
Theothertwostudieswerecharminglysimple:theyasked dramaticretellingofahorrendous voicemailsfrompeopleI’velost–
experimentalparticipants,chosenatrandom,toswitchoff datedirectlyintomyphone. silly,undisciplined,funnyrecordings
socialmediaforawhile–whileacontrolgroupcontinuedas Iamnotalone.Sincetheirlaunch –thatmakesthemfeelclosest.On
before.ThelargerstudybyHuntAllcott,Braghieriandothers in2013,voicemessageshavestead- somemessagingapps,suchasiMes-
askedpeopletoquitFacebookforfourweeksduringthe2018 ilygainedmomentum.InMarch, sage, voice memos disappear two
midtermUSelections.Asmallerbutmorerecentstudyby WhatsAppsaiditstwobillionusers minutesafterbeingplayed.Iwonder
researchersattheUniversityofBathhadpeopleeschewingall sentsevenbillionvoicemessagesa howwewillrememberallthisdis-
socialmediaforaweek. day,7percentofallmessagessent courseonedayandwhatwillbelost.
Theresultsinbothcaseswerestriking,withclearimprove- ontheapp. SinceImovedtoNewYork,voice
mentsinavarietyofmeasuresofhappiness,wellbeing,anxiety There is an etiquette to voice noteshavebecomemymaintoolfor
anddepression.Itseemsthatabreakfromsocialmediaisgood texts, though not everyone has keepingupwithfriendsacrosstime
foryoursoul.Intriguingly,thelargesteffectofallintheAll- masteredtherules.Theyareinap- zones,awaytosharedetailedstories
cottandBraghieristudyisthatpeoplewhohadtemporarily propriatefordinnerplansorsharing onshortwalksandmaintainrealcon-
leftFacebookfortheexperimentweremuchlesslikelytouse WiFipasswords.Theycanquickly nection.Sometimesaramblingvoice
itafterwards. resemblepodcastsintheirduration. noteisthebestwaytotalkwhenyou
Idon’tknowwhetheratwo-hourbreakfromherphonereally Atfirst,Iresentedtheself-indul- justdon’tknowwhattosay.
wouldbegoodformydaughter’smentalhealth.NordoIthink gence, the lack of discipline. Yet Whenavoicenotearrives,itcan
thewellbeingcaseagainstsocialmediaisprovenbeyonddoubt. thereismorescopeforstorytelling bethesamerushasfindingabat-
Butthatshouldnotbeasurprise.Ittooktimetodemonstrate whenyoudon’thavetostructure teredairmailenvelopeamongthe
thatcigarettescausedlungcancer.Ifsocialmediacausesdepres- a perfect narrative arc with your bills.Idigoutmyheadphonesand
sionandanxiety,itwilltaketimetodemonstratethat,too.Butat thumbs. Parents in my Brooklyn beginuntangling.
thisstage,onehastowonder. neighbourhoodrecordthemwhile
pushingprams,pressingricecrack- MadisonDarbyshireistheFT’s
TimHarford’slatestbookis“HowtoMaketheWorldAddUp” ersintotoddlerpalms.Avoicenote USinvestmentreporter
10 FT.COM/MAGAZINE JUNE18/192022
