Table Of ContentThe Friars Club Encyclopedia of JOKES
The Friars Club Encyclopedia of JOKES
Over 2,000 One-Liners,
Straight Lines, Stories, Gags,
Roasts, Ribs, and Put-Downs
Compiled by Barry Dougherty
and H. Aaron Cohl
Copyright © 1997, 2009 by Affinity Communications Corp.
All rights reserved. No part of this book, either text or illustration,
may be used or reproduced in any form without prior
written permission from the publisher.
Published by Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers, Inc.
151 West 19th Street, New York, NY 10011
Distributed by Workman Publishing Company
225 Varick Street, New York, NY 10014
Manufactured in the United States of America
Cover design by Daberko
Interior design by Liz Trovato
Manufactured in the United States of America
ISBN-13: 978-1-57912-804-3
h g f e d c b a
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available upon request.
A Little Credit
The Friars Club has been the bastion of laughter longer than anyone can remember. They started
in 1904 and while a few people around here may think they can recall those early days—trust me,
they can’t even recall the ham on rye they had an hour ago.
This private club that is home to actors, singers, dancers, musicians—and yes, even doctors,
lawyers, and dentists—has been lucky to have among them the top comedians of all time. The
Friars know a lot about comedy and their legendary roasts have been talked about, copied,
trespassed, appalled, revered, scorned, applauded, and just plain loved for quite some time.
When the Friars first started there were no comedy clubs, no TV, no Internet—if you wanted
to hear a joke you had to rely on your unfunny coworker or annoying brother-in-law. And, if you
wanted to tell one, you had to remember the countless jokes floating around the atmosphere.
Thankfully today, with one-stop shopping, all you have to do is pick up The Friars Club
Encyclopedia of Jokes, find a joke, any joke, and viola! Instant laughs.
But while you’re telling those jokes, or listening to them, or just reading them to yourself, try
to remember the men and women behind the funny. If it weren’t for these comedians and other
amusing sorts it would be a very quiet read. The Friars Club is proud of its roster of jokesters
who will keep the laughs intact for the next hundred or so years until they need to upgrade the
yuks. It’s these brave souls who stand naked on a stage and throw caution to the wind hoping (and
maybe a little praying) that when they finish talking the room will be noisy as hell from laughter.
To Ben Barto and Caleb Larson who worked their magic to research the laughs, I say—the
book is out now, go buy it. To Howard Cohl, who started the ball rolling on the Friars book
journey, don’t just sit there—start thinking up more ideas! To the Friars Executive Director
Michael Gyure and Executive Director Emeritus Jean-Pierre Trebot who love a good guffaw—
forget the Club Managers Handbook, THIS is how you run a club—with laughs.
To Freddie Roman, the Dean of the Friars Club and master joker, thank you for inspiring so
many young comics to ply their trade at the Friars. The Club has opened doors and introduced
recent headliners and television superstars to the general public—apologies for those with no
sense of humor that don’t get the monumental significance of that. And to all of you who love a
good laugh…enjoy the read.
—Barry Dougherty
Contents
Introduction
Actors and Acting
Advertising
Agents
Aging
Animals
Birds
Cats
Dogs
Insects
Armed Forces
Art and Artists
Atheism
Babies
Bachelors
Baldness
Banks
Beauty
Birth
Birth Control
Birthdays
Books and Writing
Boredom
Bosses
Business
California
Cars and Driving
Celebrities
Michael Jackson
The Kennedys
Jack Lemmon
Willie Nelson
Richard Nixon
Miscellaneous Celebrities
Charity
Children
Circumcision
College
Comedians
Conscience
Conservation and Ecology
Cooking
Courage
Crime
Cynicism
Dating
Death and Dying
Debts
Dieting
Divorce
Doctors and Dentists
Drink and Drinking
Drugs
Education
Embarrassment
Enemies
Ethics
Ethnic Specials
Experience
Failure
Faith
Fame
Family
Fashion
Fathers
Female Anatomy
Finances
Fitness and Exercises
Flying
Food
Foreign Countries
Canada
China
England
Ireland
France
Germany
Israel
Japan
Russia
Friendship
Funerals
Gambling
Growing Up
Gullibility
Guns
Handicaps
Health
Holidays
Homes
Homosexuality
Honesty
Hospitals
Hotels
Housework
Humility
Humor
Husbands
Imagination
Infidelity
Initiative and Incentive
Insurance
Jewish American Princess
Jewish Mothers
Jews and Judaism
Justice
Kindness
Lawyers
Life
Losers
Love
Luck
Lust
Male Anatomy
Male Performance
Manners
Marriage
Masturbation
Memory
Men
Middle Age
Miscellaneous
Mistakes
Money
Mothers and Motherhood
Mothers-in-Law
The Movies
Music
Nature
Negotiating
New York
Occupations
Old Age
Couples
Opinion
Optimism
Paranoia
Parenthood
Politicians and Politics
Poverty
Problems
Promiscuity
Prostitution
Psychiatrists and Psychiatry
Religion
Catholicism
Christianity
Eastern Religions
Combination Acts
Responsibility
Restaurants
Sales and Selling
School
Sex
Oral Sex
Safe Sex
Sex Toys
Shopping
Silence
Sleep
Smoking
Space Travel
Sports and Recreation
Baseball
Football
Golf
Hunting and Fishing
Stinginess
Stress
Stupidity
Success
Talent
Taxes
Technology
Teenagers
Television
Thoughts and Thinking
Time
Tourists
Transportation
Travel
Trust
Truth
Vanity
Weather
Wives
Women
Work
Description:Friars know a lot about comedy and their legendary roasts have been . he finishes up, and, thank God, he wasn't really trapped in a box. his rear-view mirror a dot that seems to be getting closer and closer, and so he comes to a.
