Falling Into the Fire: A Psychiatrist's Encounters with the Mind in Crisis

230 Pages·2014·1.1 MB·English

by  Christine Montross

ALSO BY CHRISTINE MONTROSS
Body of Work: Meditations on Mortality from the Human Anatomy Lab

THE PENGUIN PRESS
Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

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Montross, 2013
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Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint excerpts from the following copyrighted works: “Crazy” words and music
by Thomas “Cee Lo” Callaway, Brian Burton, Gianfranco Reverberi, and Gian Piero Reverberi. © 2006 Warner/Chappell Music
Publishing Ltd., Chrysalis Music Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group, and BMG Ricordi Music Publishing SpA. All rights for
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(ASCAP) administered by Chrysalis Music Group Inc., a BMG Chrysalis Company. (“Crazy” contains elements of “Last Man
Standing” by Gianfranco Reverberi and Gian Piero Reverberi, © BMG Ricordi Music Publishing SpA.) All rights reserved.
“Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” from The Poetry of Robert Frost, edited by Edward Connery Lathem. Copyright © 1923,
1969 by Henry Holt and Company. Copyright © 1951 by Robert Frost. Reprinted by permission of Henry Holt and Company, LLC.
“In a Dark Time” copyright © 1960 by Beatrice Roethke, Administratrix of the Estate of Theodore Roethke. From Collected Poems of
Theodore Roethke. Used by permission of Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc. Any third-party use of this material, outside of
this publication, is prohibited. Interested parties must apply to directly to Random House, Inc. for permission.
“Human Personality” from Selected Essays by Simone Weil, translated by Richard Rees. Copyright © Richard Rees, 1969. Reprinted
by permission of Peters Fraser & Dunlop on behalf of the Estate of Richard Rees. Published in French as “La personne et le sacré”
from Ecrits de Londres et dernières lettres by Simone Weil. © Editions Gallimard, Paris, 1957. By permission of Editions Gallimard.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Montross, Christine.
Falling into the fire : a psychiatrist’s encounters with the mind in crisis / Christine Montross.
p. ; cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-10161778-6
I. Title. [DNLM: 1. Mental Disorders—psychology—Personal Narratives. 2. Mental Disorders—therapy—Personal Narratives. 3.
Attitude of Health Personnel—Personal Narratives. 4. Behavior—Personal Narratives. 5. Mentally Ill Persons—psychology—Personal
Narratives. 6. Physician-Patient Relations—Personal Narratives. WM 140]
RC438.6.M665
616.890092—dc23
[B]
2013007699
( )
AUTHOR’S NOTE
The names of all patients and certain details of their stories have been changed in
order to preserve confidentiality. For the same reason, the names of some of my
colleagues have also been changed.
For Deborah and my children, who multiply my life’s joy
And for my patients, who help me to never take that joy for granted
( )
CONTENTS
ALSO BY CHRISTINE MONTROSS
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT
AUTHOR’S NOTE
DEDICATION
EPIGRAPH
PROLOGUE
Bedlam
CHAPTER ONE
The Woman Who Needed a Zipper
CHAPTER TWO
Fifty-Thousand-Dollar Skin
CHAPTER THREE
Your Drugs Take Away the Love
CHAPTER FOUR
I’ve Hidden All the Knives
CHAPTER FIVE
Dancing Plagues and Double Impostors
EPILOGUE
Into the Fire, Into the Water
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
BIBLIOGRAPHY
INDEX
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
To acknowledge the reality of affliction means saying to oneself:
“. . . There is nothing that I might not lose. It could happen at
any moment that what I am might be abolished and be replaced
by anything whatsoever of the filthiest and most contemptible
sort.” To be aware of this in the depths of one’s soul is to
experience non-being. It is the state of extreme and total
humiliation which is also the condition for passing over into
truth.
—Simone Weil They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they
outvoted me.
—The Restoration playwright Nathaniel Lee, regarding his committal to Bethlem
Royal Hospital