Ending Intimate Abuse: Practical Guidance and Survival Strategies

273 Pages·2005·1.26 MB·English

by  Albert R. Roberts

Ending Intimate Abuse:
Practical Guidance and
Survival Strategies
Albert R. Roberts
Beverly Schenkman Roberts
OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS
Ending Intimate Abuse
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Ending Intimate Abuse
Practical Guidance and
Survival Strategies
Albert R. Roberts
and
Beverly Schenkman Roberts
1
2005
1
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Library ofCongress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Roberts,Albert R.
Ending intimate abuse :practical guidance and survival strategies /
Albert R.Roberts and Beverly Schenkman Roberts.
p.cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13 978-0-19-513547-3
ISBN 0-19-513547-4
1. Abused women—United States. 2. Family violence—United States.
3. Family violence—United States—Prevention.
I. Roberts,Beverly Schenkman. II. Title.
HV6626.2.R6 2005
362.82'92—dc22 2004016316
1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2
Printed in the United States ofAmerica
on acid-free paper
Toour wonderful son Seth and to Beverly’s loving parents,
Edith and Jerry Schenkman,and to the loving memory
ofAl’s parents,Evelyn and Harry Roberts.
Toall resilient survivors ofdomestic violence—may the
ways in which they ended the battering relationship serve as
an inspiration for all women in violent relationships.
If you are currently in a violent intimate relationship and need help,
please call the toll-free National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or
check the directory ofover 500 statewide and local domestic hotlines at
the back ofthis book.
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Preface
The impetus for this book grows out ofmy 25 years ofresearch in
the field ofdomestic violence,in which I studied crisis interven-
tion programs, emergency shelters, prosecutor-based victim/witness assis-
tance programs,and criminal justice intervention programs for perpetrators
ofdomestic violence.The book is based ona study of501 formerly battered
women conducted between 1993 and 2001.My early research interest began
in l978 when I was an assistant professor of social work and sociology at
Brooklyn College ofC.U.N.Y.At the time,I was shocked to learn that one of
my most intelligent, conscientious, and outspoken students had been vio-
lently battered by her first husband,a middle-class and seemingly nonviolent
plumber when he proposed marriage.She was living with her older sister and
brother-in-law,and she had met her husband byformal introduction since he
was a neighbor and friend ofher brother-in-law.
When I later wrote about this student’s horrendous experiences,and the
new life she was able to enjoy once she left the batterer,I gave her the pseu-
donym “Millie”to protect her confidentiality.Millie was first assaulted two
weeks before her wedding,when her fiancé punched her.Afterward,he apol-
ogized,and she forgave him,since she was only 18 years old and believed that
love could really conquer all.Millie was also in total shock from the first bat-
tering incident since her fiancé had appeared to be the perfect gentleman.He
had not tried to have sexual intercourse with her until two months ofsteady
dating had taken place.In sharp contrast,Millie indicated that most other
dates tried to have sex on the first or second date.Surprisingly,however,by
the third year oftheir marriage,Millie’s husband had become a drug addict
and chronic batterer.
viii Preface
Not only did I learn about domestic violence from Millie;I also learned
about the enormous personal growth and success that is achievable when one
is able to end a violent marriage.After leaving her abusive husband,Millie
went to college and became a social worker.(Millie’s experiences are not in-
cluded in the 501 cases that are discussed in this book because she told me
about her transformation from battered wife to energetic college senior in the
late 1970s,decades before this study was undertaken.)
In 1979,I was also responsible for placing social work student interns in
the newly opened emergency shelters for battered women in Brooklyn and
Manhattan,at Maimonides Hospital and Long Island College Hospital social
work departments in Brooklyn,at National Save-A-Life League in Manhattan,
and at the Victim Information Bureau in Hauppauge,New York.Since bat-
tered women’s shelters were just emerging in the late 1970s,no scholar or prac-
titioner had conducted a national survey on them.So,in 1979,my coauthor
and wife,Beverly Roberts,and I conducted the first national survey on the or-
ganizational structure and functions of 89 shelters for battered women and
their children.The survey was published as a book,Sheltering Battered Women:
A National Study and Service Guide,in 1981.It was one ofthe first in Dr.Vio-
let Franks’s Focus on Women book series.In 1984 Dr.Lenore Walker’s classic
Battered Women Syndromewas also published in this book series.
In1984,I directed the National Institute ofJustice–funded research proj-
ect on the effectiveness ofcrisis intervention with violent crime victims at the
Victim Services Agency (VSA),which had neighborhood offices in the five
boroughs ofNew York City,and learned a tremendous amount about violent
crime victims,crisis intervention,and victim services from interviewing vic-
tims at the neighborhood offices ofVSA,as well as police precincts.In 1989,
I completed a national organizational study of184 prosecutor-based victim/
witness assistance programs, the first of its kind. The Honorable Deborah
Daniels,assistant attorney general for the U.S.Department of Justice (for-
merly chiefcounsel for the Marion County Prosecutor’s Office in Indianapo-
lis),provided valuable technical assistance with my earlier prosecutor-based
victim/witness assistance study.
For more than 25 years,I have been conducting research and publishing
articles and books on different aspects ofdomestic violence,but the earlier
publications have been geared primarily to a clinical or scholarly audience.
This book is decidedly different fromthem in that its primary target audience
is professionals,parents,and the abused adolescent and young adult women
themselves.These are the women who—ifconfronted by a violent boyfriend
or husband—can end the violent relationship quickly by knowing what steps
to take.The goal ofthis book is to provide case studies ofwomen who have
Preface ix
been abused by their boyfriends or husbands so that we can learn from them
andpreventsimilar abuse in the lives ofthose who come to us for help.In ad-
dition,we hope this book will serve to heighten the awareness ofthe steps that
are necessary to halt such violence quickly,ifit does occur.Finally,we believe
that the positive outcomes shared by so many ofthe women discussed in this
book will offer hope and comfort to women who are in an abusive relation-
ship and to their parents—as they plan for brighter days when the violent re-
lationship is behind them.
Beverly Roberts is a social worker and a health advocacy program direc-
tor for women with disabilities at The Arc ofNew Jersey.With 25 years ofpro-
fessional experience,she has had many positions serving the community:as a
vocational evaluator and rehabilitation counselor at Sinai Hospital in Balti-
more;as program development specialist with the Bureau ofResidential Ser-
vices ofthe New Jersey Division ofYouth and Family Services;as assistant di-
rector and project officer at Queens College of the C.U.N.Y. Grants and
Contracts Office;as consultant and evaluator with the Community Service
Council ofGreater Indianapolis;and currently as health advocate and direc-
tor at the Mainstreaming Medical Care program and as the editor of the
newsletter Healthy Timesat The Arc of New Jersey.Because of the encour-
agement ofour editor,Joan Bossert,we teamed up to write this book.
This book has two primary purposes.(1) We present profiles ofabused
women,indicating characteristics ofthose women who are and are not able
to end the cycle ofviolence,drawn from a study of501 abused women who
were grouped in five different levels ofseverity and duration ofwoman bat-
tering.We describe the successful short-term cases in which women who were
abused by their boyfriends or partners were able to end the relationship
quickly,in contrast to a group ofmarriedwomen with children who were vic-
timized for many years.(2) We provide practical guidelines for professionals
tooffer to young women,as well as their parents,closest friends,and siblings,
describing the benefits and limitations of the agencies that have developed
services to aid abused women:criminal justice agencies,mental health ser-
vices,hospitals,hotlines,shelters for battered women,legal aid and private at-
torneys,and social service agencies.Warning signs,clues,behavioral patterns,
and characteristics ofmen who hit women are thoroughly explored.We in-
clude a personal safety plan;a seven-stage crisis intervention model;a direc-
tory ofnational and local 24-hour domestic violence hotlines and resource
centers for abused women;and a glossary ofdomestic violence,criminal jus-
tice,and legal terms.
Most previous studies have focused on the most visible battered women
—namely,those who came to shelters,hospital emergency rooms,and police