Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry

287 Pages·2012·2.53 MB·English

by  Albert Bernstein

Copyright © 2012, 2001 by Albert J. Bernstein. All rights reserved. Except as
permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this
publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or
stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of
the publisher.
ISBN: 978-0-07179096-3
MHID: 0-07-1790969
The material in this eBook also appears in the print version of this title: ISBN:
978-0-07-179095-6, MHID: 0-07-179095-0.
All trademarks are trademarks of their respective owners. Rather than put a
trademark symbol after every occurrence of a trademarked name, we use names
in an editorial fashion only, and to the benefit of the trademark owner, with no
intention of infringement of the trademark. Where such designations appear in
this book, they have been printed with initial caps.
McGraw-Hill eBooks are available at special quantity discounts to use as
premiums and sales promotions, or for use in corporate training programs. To
contact a representative please e-mail us at [email protected].
TERMS OF USE
This is a copyrighted work and The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. (“McGraw-
Hill”) and its licensors reserve all rights in and to the work. Use of this work is
subject to these terms. Except as permitted under the Copyright Act of 1976 and
the right to store and retrieve one copy of the work, you may not decompile,
disassemble, reverse engineer, reproduce, modify, create derivative works based
upon, transmit, distribute, disseminate, sell, publish or sublicense the work or
any part of it without McGraw-Hill’s prior consent. You may use the work for
your own noncommercial and personal use; any other use of the work is strictly
prohibited. Your right to use the work may be terminated if you fail to comply
with these terms.
THE WORK IS PROVIDED “AS IS.” McGRAW-HILL AND ITS
LICENSORS MAKE NO GUARANTEES OR WARRANTIES AS TO THE
ACCURACY, ADEQUACY OR COMPLETENESS OF OR RESULTS TO BE
OBTAINED FROM USING THE WORK, INCLUDING ANY
INFORMATION THAT CAN BE ACCESSED THROUGH THE WORK VIA
HYPERLINK OR OTHERWISE, AND EXPRESSLY DISCLAIM ANY
WARRANTY, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED
WARRANTY, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED
TO IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR
A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. McGraw-Hill and its licensors do not warrant or
guarantee that the functions contained in the work will meet your requirements
or that its operation will be uninterrupted or error free. Neither McGraw-Hill
nor its licensors shall be liable to you or anyone else for any inaccuracy, error or
omission, regardless of cause, in the work or for any damages resulting
therefrom. McGraw-Hill has no responsibility for the content of any
information accessed through the work. Under no circumstances shall McGraw-
Hill and/or its licensors be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, punitive,
consequential or similar damages that result from the use of or inability to use
the work, even if any of them has been advised of the possibility of such
damages. This limitation of liability shall apply to any claim or cause
whatsoever whether such claim or cause arises in contract, tort or otherwise.
To the Girls,
Luahna, Jessica, and Clara
Contents
Acknowledgments
1. Children of the Night
Who Are These Emotional Vampires?
Are They Really Vampires?
Antisocial Vampires
Histrionic Vampires
Narcissistic Vampires
Obsessive-Compulsive Vampires
Paranoid Vampires
2. Maturity and Mental Health
If Emotional Vampires Are Children, What Does It Take to Be a Grown-
Up?
What Causes People to Become Emotional Vampires?
Immaturity Versus Evil
The Everybody and Nobody Rule
What If You See Yourself?
3. The Way of Vampires
How Emotional Vampires Are Different from and More Dangerous than
Other Annoying People
Vampires Are Different
Vampires Prey on Humans
Vampires Can’t See Themselves in a Mirror
Vampires Are More Powerful in the Dark
Protecting Yourself from Vampires
4. Lovable Rogues
The Antisocial Types
The Ferrari-Toyota Dilemma
How to Recognize an Antisocial Vampire
The Antisocial Emotional Vampire Checklist: Listening to the Call of the
Wild
What the Questions Measure
5. Vampire Daredevils
Sexy, Thrilling, and Definitely Bad for Your Health
The Physiology of Excitement
Daredevil Hypnosis
Female Daredevils
How Vampires Keep You Coming Back for More
10 Ways to Protect Yourself from Daredevils
6. Daredevils in Your Life
Daredevil Lovers and Spouses
The Action Hero
The Liar
The Unfaithful Lover
Daredevil Ex-Husband
Daredevil Dads
Daredevil Adult Children
7. Antisocial Used Car Salesmen
Slicker than Cheap Polyester, So Always Remember to Read the Fine Print
Used Car Hypnosis
Is Honesty Really the Best Policy?
8. Vampire Bullies
Big, Scary, Powerful, and Stupid as the Guys Who Used to Take Lunch
Money
The Instinct for Aggression
Vampire Bully Hypnosis
What to Do About Bullies
How to Do the Unexpected
9. Antisocial Used Car Salesmen and Bullies in Your Life
Living with a Liar
Bullies in Your Life
Living in a Minefield
10. Therapy for Antisocial Vampires
The Goal
Anger Control Treatment
Treatment for Addiction
Self-Help
What Will Hurt
11. Show Business, Vampire Style
The Histrionic Types
What It’s Like to Be Histrionic
The Histrionic Dilemma
What the Questions Measure
The Histrionic Vampire Checklist: Living a Soap Opera
How to Protect Yourself from Histrionic Vampires
12. Vampires Who Ham It Up
Whether It’s Sex, Sickness, or Secrets of Success, There’s Only One Show
Business
Ham-It-Up Hypnosis
Writing a Safe Role for Yourself
Illness as Theater
Celebrities, Fans, and Wannabes
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Histrionic Hams
13. Passive-Aggressive Vampires
Deliver Us from Ghoulies and Ghosties and People Who Are Only Trying
to Help
Giving Until It Hurts
Illness as Communication
Passive-Aggressive Hypnosis
The High-Self-Esteem Syndrome
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Passive-Aggressive Histrionics
14. Histrionics in Your Life
Histrionic Martial Arts
My Mother, the Drama Queen
The Queen of Gossip
Your Depressed Sister
Male Histrionics
15. Therapy for Histrionic Vampires
The Goal
Professional Help
Self-Help
What Will Hurt
16. Big Egos, Small Everywhere Else
The Narcissistic Types
What It’s Like to Be Narcissistic
The Narcissistic Dilemma
Narcissism and Self-Esteem
What the Questions Measure
The Narcissistic Vampire Checklist: Identifying the Self-Styled Smartest,
Most Talented, All-Around Best People in the World
17. Vampires Who Are Legends in Their Own Minds
With Talent Like Theirs, Who Needs Performance?
How Narcissistic Legends Prevent Themselves from Succeeding
Narcissistic Legend Hypnosis
How to Socialize Narcissistic Legends
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Legends in Their Own
Minds
18. Vampire Superstars
You’ve Got to Love These Guys! Worship Them, Actually
Dealing with Superstars’ Insatiable Needs
Superstar Hypnosis
Sex and the Superstar
Superstar Depression and Anger
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Superstars
19. Narcissists in Your Life
Pundits from Hell
Tiger Mom
Season’s Greetings from the Narcissist in Your Life
20. Therapy for Narcissistic Vampires