Table Of ContentTable of Contents
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Title Page
Introduction
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PART I - Incompatible Personality Traits
Chapter 1 - What Are Incompatible Personality Traits?
1. EXTROVERSION OR INTROVERSION
2. PLANNING OR OPTIONIZING
3. THINKING OR FEELING
Chapter 2 - Variety Plus or a Rich Inner Life?
Extroverted Style
Introverted Style
Potential Problems and Ways of Dealing with Them
Conversational Style
Chapter 3 - Letâs Get Organized or Go with the Flow?
Planning style
Optionizing style
Potential Problems and Ways of Dealing with Them
Chapter 4 - Which Rules, the Head or the Heart?
Thinking Style
Feeling Style
Looking on the Bright Side
What about Gender?
Potential Problems and Ways to Deal with Them
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PART II - Frustratingand Annoying Personality Patterns
Chapter 5 - Built-in Flaw Detectors
What is Typical of Most People
What is Typical of Negative People
Why They Do It
The Gender Factor
What about the Kids?
Strategies for Dealing with Anotherâs Negativity
Strategies for Dealing with Your Own Negativity
Chapter 6 - Iâm Better Than You!
What Is Typical of Most People?
What Is Typical of Those with a Superiority Pattern?
Why They Do It
Strategies for Dealing with People with a Superiority Approach
Strategies for Changing Your Own Superiority Approach
Chapter 7 - I Have All the Power, I Know All the Answers
What Is Typical of Most People?
What Is Typical of Bossy People?
Why They Do It
Strategies for Dealing with a Bossy Person
Strategies for Change if You Are Bossy
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PART III - Confusing Personality Types
Chapter 8 - The World Is Such a Dangerous Place!
What Is Typical for Most People?
What Is Typical of People with Anxious Personalities?
True/False Quiz
What Is Anxiety?
How Are Anxiety and Stress Related?
Anxiety Hormones Make People More Emotional
You Canât Always Pick Them
Anxiety and Self-Esteem
The Physiology of an Anxiety Predisposition
What Happens Next?
Things Get Worse!
How Anxiety Influences Behavior
Some People Are More Predisposed to Responding in an Anxious Way
Than Others
What Causes a Person to Be Overly Anxious?
Anxious Personalities and the Sleep-Wake Cycle
The Long-term Impact of Chronic Anxiety or Stress
The Severe Version of This Personality Pattern
The Moderate Anxious Personality Pattern
What about the Kids?
Other Anxiety-Based Disorders
Chapter 9 - Getting on Top of Anxiety
Not Recommendeded
More Positive Strategies
Understanding and Dealing with Others Who Are Anxious
Strategies for Managing Your Own Anxiety-Based Behavior
Facts and Statistics
Donât Act Precipitously
Use Relaxation Strategies
Watch for Other Things That Might Increase Your Flooding
Chapter 10 - Everything Is Under Control
Excessive Worrying
Overdependent Behavior
Overcaution and Avoidance
Perfectionism
Protective Pessimism
Hypersensitivity
Hoarding and Procrastinating
Overcontrolling Behavior
Angry Outbursts
Chapter 11 - Iâm Always Right
What Is Typical of Most People?
What Is Typical of People with an Inflexible Personality Pattern?
Looking on the Bright Side
Strategies for Dealing with Someone with a Rigid Personality Pattern
Strategies for Coping If You Have Some Characteristics of an Obsessive ...
Chapter 12 - Donât Ever Leave Me
What Is Typical of Most People?
What Is Typical of People with a Demanding Personality?
What Is the Severe Form of This Pattern?
What is Typical of Behavior Arising from âTerror of Abandonmentâ?
How Do People with a Demanding Personality Think?
What about the Kids?
Why Do They Do It?
Looking on the Bright Side
Strategies for Dealing with People Who Demonstrate Characteristics of a ...
Strategies for Changing Your Own Behavior If You Have Characteristics of
a ...
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PART IV - Damaging Personalities
Chapter 13 - Youâll Never Get Me!
What Is Typical of Most People?
What Is Typical for Most People with a Passive-Aggressive Personality?
Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder According to the DSM-IV-TR
Examples
How People with a Passive-Aggressive Pattern Think
Why Do They Do It?
Looking on the Bright Side
Strategies for Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Behavior Pattern
Strategies to Use If You Have a Passive-Aggressive Behavior Pattern
Chapter 14 - A Silent Nightmare
What Is Typical of Most People?
What Is Bullying?
What Is Typical of Bullies?
Forms of Bullying
The Impact of Bullying on the Targeted Person
Characteristics of a Bully
Whom Do They Target?
How Do People with a Bullying Pattern Think?
How Do They Get Away with It?
Is Gender a Factor?
What about the Kids?
Strategies You Can Use with a Bullying Behavior Pattern
Chapter 15 - Everyday Predators Among Us
True/False Quiz
What Is Typical of Most People?
The Severe Form of This Behavior Pattern: Antisocial Personality Disorder
What Is Typical of People with an Identifiable Sociopathic Pattern of
Behavior?
How People with a Sociopathic Pattern Think
The Gender Factor
The Two Types of Sociopathic Behavior Patterns: Unsuccessful and
Successful Sociopaths
âUnsuccessfulâ Sociopaths
âSuccessfulâ Sociopaths
Typical Characteristics and Behaviors of Chameleons
Why Do They Do It?
How Do Successful Sociopaths (Con Artists and Chameleons) Get Away
with It?
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PART V - Strategies
Chapter 16 - Strategies for Coping with Sociopaths
Can Someone with a Sociopathic Pattern Be âCuredâ?
Strategies for Handling Moderate to Severe Sociopathic Behavior Patterns
In Romantic Relationships
How Can Someone Be So Good and So Bad at the Same Time?
Chapter 17 - Making Decisions About Difficult Situations and Relationships
Change What You Can
Change Your Thinking
Change Your Own Behavior
Change What You Can in the Situation
Accept What You Canât Change and Learn to Live with It
Stay in the Situation and Suffer
Take Off, Admit Defeat, and Leave the Situation
Understanding: Using Empathic Thinking
Optimistic Thinking
Chapter 18 - Rational and Irrational Thinking
Keys to Rational Thinking
Rational Thinking Is Helpful
Self-Soothing Thoughts
Typical Irrational Assumptions (Beliefs) That Need to Be Challenged
Challenging Irrational Thinking
All-or-Nothing Thinking
Rational Self-Management of Emotions
Rational Thinking to Manage Specific Kinds of Feelings
Chapter 19 - Healthy Self-Assertion
Passive Behavior
Aggressive Behavior
Assertive Behavior
Good Reasons for Using Healthy Assertion
The Steps of Healthy Assertion
Chapter 20 - Managing Your Own Anger and the Anger of Others
What Does an Angry Person Want?
Responding to an Angry Person
Managing Your Own Anger
Chapter 21 - Managing Conflict
The Eight Strategies for Conflict Resolution
Constructive Management of Conflict
Chapter 22 - Skills for Maintaining a Strong Romantic Partnership
The Nine Principles
Prompting Cards
The P Strategy
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PART VI - Following Up
Finding a Good Psychologist
How Do You Tell If the Psychologist Is Any Good?
Contact Details for Professional Organizations
Books You Might Like to Read
Anger Management and Conflict Management
Anti-Social Personality Disorder: Sociopathic Behavior
Anxiety
Assertiveness
Borderline Personality Disorder
Bullying
The MBTI and Personality Types
Optimistic Thinking
Rational Thinking
Relationship Skills
General Reading
DSM IV-TR
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Index
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Copyright Page
Introduction
GENERAL PRINCIPLES UNDERPINNING THIS BOOK
DO YOU HAVE a difficult personality in your life? Would others consider that
you are their difficult person? In this book we have turned the microscope on
difficult types of personalities and patterns of behavior, which range from
annoying and confusing to the seriously damaging.
Like most of us, you have probably encountered situations with family,
friends, coworkers, or associates who have hurt you. Either they have damaged
you emotionally or financially, or their behavior has caused ongoing distress or
worry. Understanding how people think and knowing some of the reasons for
their patterns of hurtful behavior will take you part of the way toward handling
your difficult relationships more successfully.
People sometimes do not reciprocate our feelings, fail to appreciate our worth,
fall out of love with us, betray, leave, retrench, or disappoint us. These are all
part of the pain of being human and do not necessarily reflect people being
difficult. But some people have ongoing behavior patterns that hurt many others.
They leave behind more than one hurt or troubled person because of their
difficult personalities.
What exactly is âpersonalityâ? Each person has a unique personality. It is best
described as a relatively enduring and predictable collection of personal qualities
(traits) and patterns of behavior. We can also talk about âpersonality types.â
These are categories of personality that are very similar and are composed of
predictable combinations of traits and behavior patterns.
Some people have a mildly difficult behavior pattern while others have
moderate or very difficult behavior patterns, and the effect of these patterns on
others may also range from minor to severe.
Here are some of the guiding principles we have used in identifying and
elaborating on these difficult patterns.
Description:An indispensable guide to understanding—and living or working with—people whose behavior leaves you frustrated and confused We all have people in our lives who frustrate, annoy, or hurt us: workplace bullies, those who always claim to be right, or those with anxious or obsessive personalities. A
