Dealing with Difficult People: Handle Aggression; Manage Conflict; Motivate Poor Performers

142 Pages·2010·0.95 MB·English

by  Roy Lilley

Dealing with
Difficult People
Roy Lilley | Revised Edition
For ATR, who deals with the most difficult person I know.
Publisher’s note Every possible effort has been made to ensure that the information contained in this book
is accurate at the time of going to press, and the publishers and authors cannot accept responsibility for any
errors or omissions, however caused. No responsibility for loss or damage occasioned to any person acting,
or refraining from action, as a result of the material in this publication can be accepted by the editor, the
publisher or any of the authors.
First published 2002
Reissued in 2006
Revised first edition, 2010
Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as
permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced,
stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or
in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms and licences issued by the CLA.
Enquiries concerning reproduction outside these terms should be sent to the publishers at the
undermentioned addresses:
120 Pentonville Road
525 South 4th Street, #241 4737/23 Ansari Road
London N1 9JN Philadelphia PA 19147 Daryaganj
United Kingdom USA New Delhi 110002
www.koganpage.com India
© Roy Lilley 2002, 2006, 2010
The right of Roy Lilley to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance
with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
ISBN 978 0 7494 5660 3
E-ISBN 978 0 7494 5891 1
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A CIP record for this book is available from the British
Library.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Lilley, Roy C.
Dealing with difficult people / Roy Lilley. -- Rev. 1st ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7494-5660-3
1. Psychology, Industrial. 2 Interpersonal conflict. 3 Problem employees. I. Title.
HF5548.8.L493 2010
650.1′3--dc22
2009036744
Typeset by Saxon Graphics Ltd, Derby Printed and bound in India by Replika Press Pvt Ltd eBook by
Graphicraft Limited, Hong Kong
Contents
About this book
1 A short course in human relations
Difficult, who me?
2 A quick guide to the seven classically difficult types
Recognise anyone?
First the diagnosis
3 A fast-track guide to conflict and how to handle it
What conflict is
4 Dealing with bosses who drive you barmy
Mr Angry
Never let them see you sweat
5 Colleagues to throttle
Competition crazy
Rivals, antagonists and getting personal
It’s always the quiet ones
6 Staff to strangle
Independent or stubborn?
When the big hand gets to 12
Good bosses don’t pry – but they should try
Waving or drowning
Finding out how good a boss you’ve been
Seriously difficult members of staff
7 Massaging the egoist
If the difficulty is an egomaniac boss
If the difficulty is an egoist working for you
The egomaniac colleague
Knocking the know-all
8 Handling aggressive people without getting thumped on the
nose
If an aggressive manager is trying to dump on your ideas
If you’re landed with a project that will never fly
If you’re being stabbed in the back
9 Putting a bomb under the lazy ones
Clock-watchers, rule-bookers and not invented here
If you are held back by an idle colleague
A boss who loiters
How you eat an elephant
The criminally lazy
10 Beating the bullies at their own game
The decibel dictator
When you can’t do anything right
When all else fails
The firework colleague
11 Moaners, groaners and critics
Cold water torture
Try building alliances, coalitions and connections
Words you don’t want to hear
When critics turn the gun on themselves
12 Perfectionists can be a pain
What turns on a perfectionist
Rules are rules
The perfectionist boss
13 Manipulating the manipulators
If you’re being lined up to take the blame
Let’s do a deal
If you’re easily flattered
If you’re flattered by your staff
14 Shifting the stubborn
When the customer knows best
15 Morale, attitude and how was it for you?
If you’re sick of the sick
Everyone having a sickie
Cliques, circles and witches’ covens
16 Fault-finders and nit-pickers
If you have a nit-picker for a boss
Nit-picking colleagues
17 Gossip: a bush fire you can do without
The answer to gossip problems
Prevention is better than cure
18 The customer is always right – really?
Dealing with difficult customers
You want it when?
Avoiding trouble
The really, really, really, really difficult customer
Remind them how good you are
The screamer
Screaming about service
If a member of your staff blows a gasket
When the screamer is the boss
What’s winding them up
Dealing with very rude people without being very rude
Disguised rudeness
19 Complaints: we love them
Six steps to success
20 e-difficult@yourplace
21 Meetings, bloody meetings!
Get tough and get into technology
To meet or not to meet
Meetings-r-us
The five golden rules that make meetings productive
22 If things don’t change they’ll stay the same
There are four Cs in change
Dealing with difficult people through a period of change
23 Dealing with conflict: 10 steps to cooling it
24 And, finally, finally...
References
Further reading
About this book
This is not a book to be read from cover to cover. It is not War and Peace,
although with a bit of luck it will give you some ideas on how to have more
peace than war.
It is a book to dip into, look for the character or situation you’re having
problems with, find a solution, apply it and move on. Life is too short to spend it
having a row with people.
This is a book to scribble on the pages, rip bits out and do all the things with
that your old school would give you detention for! This is a source book but not
a reference book. A book to dive into but not to get immersed in.
This is a book you can use to improve your own performance or use as a
source of ideas to work in groups to improve the performance of your team.
If all else fails it is a book just heavy enough to throw at someone who is
being really difficult, without the risk of doing them any serious damage!
To the uninitiated, difficult people can be the bane of your life, a blot on your
landscape and a real pain to work with. This book is designed to help you to
enjoy difficult people. Once you have the key, you can unlock them, influence
them, get them working for you and they’ll never notice.
What else will you find…?
Think about it! The light bulb will prompt you to think about an idea, spare a thought for
a new approach or to take on board something different
The hazard warnings point out traps and problems for the unwary. They say, ‘Beware,
get this right, or you’re in trouble!’