Courage After Fire: Coping Strategies for Troops Returning from Iraq and Afghanistan and Their Families

249 Pages·2005·1.08 MB·English

by  Keith Armstrong

A
Over 100,000 Copies in Print D R
O M
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ENICESTTRON
“A crucial tool for the men and women who have been I G
serving our country so VALIANTLY during these past years.”
—Senator Bob Dole, fromtheforeword
“This extraordinary work will help the men and women
returning from Iraq and Afghanistan find the COURAGE
to rebuild their lives and be successful.”
—Honorable Anthony J. Principi,
FormerSecretaryofVeteransAffairs
“Offers both returning veterans and their families
a clear understanding of the CHALLENGES that lie ahead.
I highly recommend this book.”
—Lieutenant General (Retired) Reginald A. Centracchio,
FormerCommandingGeneraloftheRhodeIslandNationalGuard
“A toolbox of useful insights and coping exercises
that can assist in SAVING a marriage or putting
a veteran’s life back on track.”
—Major Andy Johnson,U.S.ArmySpecialForces,OIFVeteran
“An important source of information and
SELF-HEALING for our returning troops.”
—Professor Bonnie L. Green,
Director,GeorgetownCenterforTraumaandtheCommunity
www.courageafterfire.com ISBN-10:1-56975-513-2
ISBN-13:978-1-56975-513-6
51495
$14.95U.S.
Ulysses
Distributedby Ulysses Press 9 781569755136 Press
PublishersGroupWest
COURAGE
After Fire
ThisextraordinaryworkwillhelpthemenandwomenreturningfromIraq
and Afghanistan find the courage to rebuild their lives and be successful.
AsaVietnamWarveteran,IwishithadbeenavailablewhenIcamehome.
I have seen too many lives changed by war and not enough help after
returning home. As the former Secretary of the Department of Veterans
Affairs,Iwisheveryreturningveteranandtheirfamilywouldreadit.
TheHonorableAnthonyJ.Principi
FormerSecretaryofVeteransAffairs
CourageAfterFireisessentialreadingforallrecentcombatveterans,their
families and friends, military chaplains, employers, and clinicians at VA
hospitalsandvetcenters.Everyrecentcombatvetandmanyoftheirfam-
ily members will find a description of themselves to some degree in the
pagesofthisbook.CourageAfterFireprovidesatoolboxofusefulinsights
andcopingexercisesthatcanassistinsavingamarriageorputtingavet-
eran’slifebackontrack.CourageAfterFireshouldbeissuedtoallreturn-
ingveteransandfamilysupportgroups.
MajorAndyJohnson
U.S.Army,SpecialForces,OIFVeteran
This wonderful book, starting with a heartfelt foreword by Senator Bob
Dole,servesasavirtualowner’smanualforreturningOEF/OIFwarveter-
ans. Courage After Fire is packed with practical information, culled from
hundredsofinformedsources,andiswrittenbythreeseasonedandsensi-
tive practitioners and military veteran advocates. If you ever felt or said
you“supportedthetroops,”nomatterwhatyourpoliticalview,showsome
tangiblesupportandbuythisbookforatleastonereturningveteran.
ProfessorCharlesR.Figley,Ph.D.
Director,FloridaStateUniversityTraumatologyInstitute
Courage After Fire offers both returning veterans and their families a
clearunderstandingofthechallengesthatlieaheadandapracticalguide
for reintegration into home, work, and community. The scope of this
bookissupremelythoroughandrelevant,particularlytoNationalGuard
andReservists.Iamparticularlypleasedtoseeusefultipsprovidednot
only to family members, but employers as well, to assist them in their
efforts to support our heroes of war. I highly recommend this book to
service men and women of all branches, their families, and employers
before,during,andafterdeployment.
LieutenantGeneral(Ret.)(RI)ReginaldA.Centracchio
FormerCommandingGeneraloftheRhodeIslandNationalGuard
Courage After Fire provides critical information and practical skills for
dealingwiththeemotionalaftermathofrecentwars.Thespecificfocus
onIraqandAfghanistanveteransmakesthematerialfreshandaccessi-
ble.Thisbookaddressesacomprehensiverangeofareasofpotentialdis-
tress and concern for returning service men and women, giving them
concreteandusefultechniquesfordealingwiththeseissuesinanactive,
empowering way. I feel certain that Courage After Fire will become an
importantsourceofinformationandself-healingforourreturningtroops.
ProfessorBonnieL.Green,Ph.D.
Director,GeorgetownUniversityCenterforTraumaandtheCommunity
Returning home from Vietnam to my wife and family was both joyful
and confusing. I felt estranged despite having a supportive community
offriendsandfamily.AlthoughIalreadyhadsetgoalsandaplanformy
life,Ihaddifficultystayingfocusedandontherightpath.CourageAfter
Fireprovidesamuchneededroadmaptoguideveteransandtheirfami-
lies back to their life’s path and the tools and strategies necessary to
bringthemtrulyhomeagain.
PhillipButler
VietnamVeteran
CourageAfterFireisthefirstcomprehensiveguidetorecoveryandrein-
tegration for the men and women who have served in Afghanistan and
Iraq. The authors bring their collective experience, wisdom, and com-
passionintheirworkwithtraumatizedveteransandtheirfamilies,and
theirexceptionalabilitiesaseducatorstocreateapersonaldialoguewith
those struggling to rebuild their lives after combat. Courage After Fire
providesthetoolstomasterasafepassageforallveteransontheirjour-
neyhome.
CharlesR.Marmar,M.D.
AssociateChiefofStaffandDirector,PTSDResearchProgram
SanFranciscoVeteransAffairsMedicalCenter
Getting back to “normal” is one of the hardest things returning vets
havetogothroughaftercominghomefromwar.Nomatterwhereyou
are in this process, Courage After Fire can help if you let it. Take what
suggestionsworkforyoufromthemanytipsofferedinthisbook—you
maybesurprisedhowmuchtheycanhelp.
SergeantVictoriaSteen
USAR,OIF-I(HonorablyDischargedIraqVeteran)
Courage After Fire is unique. It addresses the complete range of issues
faced by returning National Guard and Reservist troops who are con-
frontedwiththedifficultiesofreadjustingtotheirworkandcommuni-
tieswhile,atthesametime,dealingwiththepsychologicalramifications
ofwar.
WilliamM.Coughran,BrigadierGeneral
CaliforniaAirNationalGuard,Ret.
Courage After Fire is an indispensable guide for troops returning from
war.Thisbookinvitespartnersandfamilymemberstobeapartoftheir
veterans’ healing process, which makes it all the more effective. I wish
CourageAfterFirewerestandardissueforallreturningtroopsandforall
healthprofessionals,membersoftheclergy,andcounselorswhoareina
positiontosupporttheirtransitionhome.
Robert-JayGreen,Ph.D.,DistinguishedProfessor
CaliforniaSchoolofProfessionalPsychology
AlliantInternationalUniversity—SanFrancisco

COURAGE
After Fire
Foreword by Senator Bob Dole
Ulysses Press
TextCopyright©2006KeithArmstrong,SuzanneBestandPaulaDomenici.
DesignCopyright©2006UlyssesPressanditslicensors.Allrightsreserved
underInternationalandPan-AmericanCopyrightConventions,includingthe
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exceptforusebyareviewerinconnectionwithareview.
“Exercise10.3,”fromMasteryofYourAnxietyandPanic,3rdedition,byDavid
H.BarlowandMichelleG.Craske,©OxfordUniversityPress,Inc.Usedby
permissionofOxfordUniversityPress,Inc.
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LibraryofCongressControlNumber:2005930011
ISBN10:1-56975-513-2
ISBN13:978-1-56975-513-6
PrintedintheUnitedStatesbyBangPrinting
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Acquisitionseditor:AshleyChase
Editor:RichardHarris
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Covercredit:U.S.ArmyphotobySPCDanielKelley
Interiordesign:LeslieHenriques
DistributedbyPublishersGroupWest
Thisbookhasbeenwrittenandpublishedstrictlyforinformationalpurposes,
andinnowayshoulditbeusedasasubstituteforconsultationwithprofes-
sionaltherapists.Allfactsinthisbookcamefromscientificpublications,per-
sonalinterviews,publishedtradebooks,self-publishedmaterialsbyexperts,
magazinearticles,andthepersonal-practiceexperiencesoftheauthorities
quotedorsourcescited.Theauthorsandpublisherareprovidingyouwith
informationinthisworksothatyoucanhavetheknowledgeandcanchoose,
atyourownrisk,toactonthatknowledge.
Contents
ForewordbySenatorBobDole 1
Introduction 4
1.ReactionstoWar 10
2.StrengtheningYourMindandBody 34
3.CopingStrategies 70
4.GriefandLoss 113
5.ChangedViewsofSelf,Others,andtheWorld 127
6.ReturningtoCivilianLife 151
7.RestoringFamilyRolesandRelationships 172
Resources 205
Index 230
AbouttheAuthors 236
Acknowledgments 238

Foreword
by Senator Bob Dole
Comingbackfromawarisalongerjourneythananyplaneflight
home.Itwouldbegreatifeverythingjustsnappedbacktogether,
the way it had always been—and if what happened in Tikrit
stayed in Tikrit, for instance—but the truth is, returning from
warismuchmorecomplicatedthanthat.Digestingwhatyousaw
and what you missed and relating to your old world can be
tough, even with terrific support. It feels unfair, considering the
personal sacrifice. But fair or unfair, returning home is rarely
whatyouimagineitwillbe.
I sustained my own injuries in World War II; some of my
woundswereobvious,somewerenot.Somewoundshealedmore
quicklythanothers.AndthoughIwasluckytobesurroundedby
great doctors, wonderful family, and a more supportive commu-
nity than anyone could reasonably ask for, that mental readjust-
mentwasnosmalltask.IwishIcouldsaytheemotionalandpsy-
chological recovery paled in comparison to the physical injuries,
butthatisnotthecase.
It can be an extremely tough thing to admit that the friends,
family,andfamiliarplacesthatkeptusgoingwhilewewereaway
somehow seem different, maybe a little off—especially when
those fond memories and the new realities don’t quite jibe and
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