Table Of ContentCopyright © Clare Lindsay 2000
All rights reserved. The right of Clare Lindsay to be identified as
the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the
Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.
No part of this book may be reproduced by any means, nor
translated into a machine language, without the written permission
of the publisher.
Summersdale Publishers Ltd
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Printed and bound in Great Britain by Creative Print & Design, Wales.
ISBN 1 84024 096 2
The information given in this book was assumed to be correct at
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of this book.
To Roger, with love
For loving me and loving me and loving me
Acknowledgments
To Roger Povey, Caryn Waller and Chris Hardwick.
For taking care of me when you didn’t have to and for always being
there when I needed you.
To all my sixth form friends, for being the safety net I didn’t need
when any of you were around. Thank you.
To Nick Winney, for being my friend, and for caring then and
now.
To Ravi Mohan, Scott Lamond, Chris Ward, Andrew Gill and
Howard Cliff. Thanks for being great friends and for the fun, the
laughter, the caring, and the webbishness that always wrapped round.
To Dr Markham, for your kindness and your patience, and for
helping me as much as you did.
To The People who Scare the Workmen, for seeing in me what I
couldn’t see myself and for making so much out of so little.
To Clare Ward, for opening my mind to a whole new way of living.
Thank you for everything.
To Katie and the staff at St. Andrew’s, for helping me see that the
impossible could happen. This book says it all. I can’t thank you
enough...
To my college friends at York, for your support and encouragement,
and for making me feel that being mad was quite normal.
To Caroline, Ci, Gail, Janet, Mary, Nikki and Rachel, for being
friends I could always rely on.
To Dan, for answering questions I needed answering. Your honesty
made things happen.
To Helen & Giles Nelson, Julia Roberts, Kevin Blair, Simon
Turner, Christine Biss, Anthony & Mary Nield and Colin Fraser,
for welcoming me to Dundee and for giving Roger and I some of
our happiest times.
To Eileen Howard, for believing in me and for giving me the
opportunity of a lifetime.
To Collette Brooks, Louise George, and everyone I worked with
at The Hope Unit, for all that I learnt during my time spent with
you.
To Simon Potts for the yellowest of summers and the many wacky
times since...
To Tim Elder for always boosting my confidence, and Tony Smith
for believing that this book would happen.
To Elizabeth Kershaw, my editor, and everyone at Summersdale,
for making it happen.
To John Alcock, for your kind help.
To New Order and to U2, for both agreeing to let me use your
lyrics.
To Bob Geldof, for kindly allowing me to reproduce part of a day
that changed everything.
And to Marcia, who I’ll never forget.
Special Thanks
To Caryn Waller, for being a better friend than anyone could hope
for. Thank you for everything.
To Chris Hardwick, for being a big brother to me and for making
me feel protected - always.
To Colin Fraser, for the spaghetti that wouldn’t fit in the pan...
and for being a brilliant friend who always leaves me happy.
To my Mum & Dad and Gary, for giving me everything I’m most
proud of and for putting up with far more than anyone should.
To Julie & Alan Povey, Joanne, Rob, Jack & Emily, for always
understanding, and for supporting Roger and I in everything we
do.
And of course, to Roger. The kindest and most loving person I
know, my partner, my friend, my everything. Thanks for getting me
through this, for always taking the very best care of me and for
making the years with you the happiest I’ve known. But most of all,
thank you for loving me. I couldn’t have made it without you.
Permission Acknowledgements
I wish to acknowledge and thank the following sources for kindly
allowing me to reprint their material.
Lyrics from ‘October’, U2:
Written by Adam Clayton/David Evans/Paul Hewson/Laurence Mullen
1981 Blue Mountain Music Ltd (for the UK) International Copyright
Secured.
Lyrics from ‘True Faith’, New Order:
Words and Music by Steven Morris, Peter Hook, Bernard Sumner,
Gillian Gilbert & Stephen Hague.
Copyright ©_1987 Be Music, administered by Warner Chappell Music
Limited, 129 Park Street, London W1 (75%) / Cut Music, administered
by MCA Music Limited, 77 Fulham Palace Road, London W6 (25%).
Used by permission of Music Sales Limited.
All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.
Definition of Assertiveness:
Stephanie Holland and Clare Ward, Assertiveness: A Practical Approach,
Winslow Press, 1990.
July 13th 1985, Live-Aid:
Bob Geldof.
Lyrics from ‘New Years Day’, U2:
Written by Adam Clayton/David Evans/Paul Hewson/Laurence Mullen
Copyright ©_1982 Blue Mountain Music Ltd (for the UK) / Mother
Music (for the Republic of Ireland) / Taiyo Music Inc (for Japan) /
Polygram International Music Publishing Ltd (for the rest of the world).
‘Rights Charter’:
Stephanie Holland and Clare Ward, Assertiveness: A Practical Approach,
Winslow Press, 1990.
Diagnostic criteria for clinical definitions of anorexia nervosa,
bulimia nervosa and eating disorders not otherwise specified:
American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual
of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. Washington, DC, American
Psychiatric Association, 1994.
Contents
Preface 11
Introduction 13
PART ONE
Living with Anorexia 19
Early Beginnings 23
Empty Words 40
PART TWO
Asking for Help 47
Seeing a Psychiatrist 58
Counselling 70
PART THREE
St. Andrew’s Day Hospital 97
Settling into Therapy 100
A Step-by-step Explanation of Recovery 115
St. Andrew’s Day Hospital: Day to day progress of the realisations,
learning, and development of skills that enabled me to recover
completely from both my anorexia and depression.
PART FOUR
Beyond Therapy 191
Regrets 195
Self-Help Ideas, Strategies and Exercises 197
Appendices 211
Index 215
