Connecting With Kids Through Stories: Using Narratives To Facilitate Attachment In Adopted Children

145 Pages·2005·0.6 MB·English

by  Denise B. Lacher

Connecting with Kids through Stories
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Connecting with Kids
through Stories
Using Narratives to Facilitate
Attachment in Adopted Children
Denise B. Lacher, Todd Nichols
and Joanne C. May
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material
form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and
whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication)
without the written permission ofthe copyright owner except in accordance with
the provisions ofthe Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms
ofa licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court
Road, London, England W1T 4LP. Applications for the copyright owner’s written
permission to reproduce any part ofthis publication should be addressed to the
publisher.
Warning: The doing ofan unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may
result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.
The right ofDenise B. Lacher, Todd Nichols and Joanne C. May to be identified as
authors ofthis work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988.
(cid:1)Appendix B may be photocopied for personal use only.
First published in 2005
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
116 Pentonville Road
London N1 9JB, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Attachment and Family Center ofMinnesota 2005
Library ofCongress Cataloging in Publication Data
A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library ofCongress
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN-13: 978 1 84310 797 2
ISBN-10: 1 84310 797 X
ISBn pdfeBook: 1 84642 108 X
Printed and Bound in Great Britain by
Athenaeum Press, Gateshead, Tyne and Wear
Contents
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 8
Legacy of an Adopted Child 9
Introduction 11
Note 13
Chapter 1 The Inner Working Model 15
…andsoitbegins…theformationoftheinner
workingmodel 16
Attachmentrelationships 17
Lifeevents 23
Development 26
Meanings(or“peanutbutterandacrib”) 29
Summary 32
Chapter 2 Putting the Pieces Together: Discovering
the Child’s Model 33
Thesearch 36
Discovery 45
Summary 46
Chapter 3 Narratives that Bond, Heal, and Teach 48
Section 1: How Narratives Work 49
Theimportanceofparentalattunement 50
Summary 55
Section 2: Constructing and Telling Stories 56
ThesettingforFamilyAttachmentNarrativeTherapy 56
Incorporatingpropsinthetelling 58
Creatingastory 59
Summary 64
Chapter 4 Claiming Narratives 65
Section 1: The Purpose of Claiming Narratives 66
Whenparentsfinditdifficulttobond 66
Whenthechildfindsitdifficulttotrust 66
Shiftingthechild’sinnerworkingmodel 67
Establishingbirthorder 68
Claimingtheextendedfamily 68
Passingonthefamilytraditions,history,andrituals 69
Otherissues 70
Summary 71
Section 2: Telling Claiming Narratives 71
Ifyouwouldhavebeen… 71
Problem-solvingtips 77
Summary 79
Chapter 5 Trauma Narratives 80
Section 1: The Purpose of Trauma Narratives 80
Healingthepainoftrauma 81
Shiftingthechild’sinnerworkingmodel 81
Creatingunderstandingandempathy 82
Summary 83
Section 2: Telling Trauma Narratives 83
Whentoseekprofessionalhelp 90
Problem-solvingtips 93
Summary 95
Chapter 6 Developmental Narratives 96
Section 1: The Purpose of Developmental
Narratives 96
Facilitatingcognitivedevelopment 97
Facilitatingemotionaldevelopment 98
Buildingrelationships 99
Remedialskillbuilding 100
Enhancingdevelopment 101
Summary 102
Section 2: Telling Developmental Narratives 102
Whenyouwereatwo-year-oldyouwouldhave… 103
Problem-solvingtips 110
Summary 111
Chapter 7 Successful Child Narratives 112
Section 1: The Purpose of Successful Child
Narratives 112
Teachingchildrenvalues 113
Reinforcingcauseandeffectthinking 113
Presentingalternativebehaviors 114
Explainingthebasicsofhowtodolife 114
Summary 115
Section 2: Telling Successful Child Narratives 115
Themeaningofbehavior 115
Changingbehaviorswithnarratives 119
Teachingbehaviorwithnarratives 122
Problem-solvingtips 126
Summary 128
Conclusion 129
Aboutresources 130
Afinalword 131
APPENDIXA:EMDR 132
APPENDIXB:STORYCONSTRUCTIONGUIDE 133
REFERENCES 135
SUBJECTINDEX 139
AUTHORINDEX 143
Acknowledgments
Our colleagues at the Family Attachment and Counseling Center contributed
valuableandhonestfeedback,nurturing,andlotsofchocolate.Wewouldliketo
thankMelissaNichols,anexcellentwriterherself,whogaveusdirectionintimes
whenwecouldnotfindthewords.JanNorman,MarenHarris,andHeatherCargill
contributedtheirwisdomandfrequentlyremindedusthat,yes,wecoulddothis.
Ourreadersalsogaveusmuch-neededcommentsandsuggestions:MartiErickson,
GregKeck,DanHughes,GinnyBlade,MarciaMans,JackWallinga,andConnie
Dummer.
Mostofallwewouldliketothanktheparentsandchildrenwhohaveshared
theirexperiencesofhurt,pain,andangeraswellassuccessandjoywithus.Our
liveshavebeenblessedandchangedbythem.Eachandeverynarrativeinspired
and challenged the methodology, taking it places we had not yet imagined. We
really could not have done this without them.
Denise
Thank you, Scott, for listening, encouraging, and shouldering more than your
sharewhentherewerenotenoughhoursintheday.HollyandAnnie,sharingyour
journeythroughlifehastaughtmesomuchaboutattachment,childdevelopment,
andparenting.Thanksfornotgivinguponthis“lessthanperfect”mom;I’mstill
learning.MomandDad,I’mreallygladthatIcansay,“I’mgettingmoreandmore
likeyoutheolderIget.”AndTodd,it’sbeenalongerroadthanwethought,but
made much easier by your friendship.
Todd
Melissa,Jeremy,Anna,andGrace–whatawonderfulfamilywithwhichI’vebeen
blessed!Youcontinuetoaddsomuchtomylife.Thankyouallforyourconstant
supportandteaching.Mom,theolderIget,themoreIappreciateyourwisdom.
Thank you, Denise, for your tireless writing and rewriting. You’re a wonderful
person to work with.
Joanne
Iwouldliketothankthehundredsofparentswhocontributedtothedevelopment
ofFamily Attachment Narrative Therapy and the writing of this book.