Cockpit Confidential: Everything You Need to Know about Air Travel: Guestions, Answers, and Reflections

338 Pages·2018·16.244 MB·English

by  Patrick Smith

Praise for
C C
oCkpit onfidential
“Cockpit Confidential is the document that belongs in your seat
pocket.”
— David Pogue, New York Times
“A brilliant writer, Patrick Smith provides a laugh- a- page tour of
a misunderstood industry— a journey into the world of aviation,
stripped of the mumbo jumbo and filled with humor and insight.”
— Christine Negroni, aviation journalist
and author of The Crash Detectives
“Deliciously stylish and informative. A soaring accomplishment, and
an indispensable book for anyone who travels by air, which means
everyone.”
— James Kaplan
“Patrick Smith is extraordinarily knowledgeable about modern
aviation and communicates beautifully in English, not in pilot- ese.
Smith is the ideal seatmate, companion, writer, and explainer.”
— Alex Beam, Boston Globe
“Nobody covers the airline experience like Patrick Smith. He brings
balance and clarity to a subject all too often overhyped. And he’s a
damned good writer.”
— Clive Irving, Condé Nast Traveler
“I wish I could fold up Patrick Smith and put him in my suitcase. He
seems to know everything worth knowing about flying.”
— Stephen J. Dubner, coauthor of Freakonomics
“Brilliantly down to earth and reassuring.”
— Cath Urquhart, The Times
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“Trenchant and insightful.”
— Joe Sharkey, New York Times
“What a pleasure it is reading Patrick Smith’s surprisingly elegant
explanations and commentary. The world needs somebody writing
E. B. White simple and sensible about a topic everyone has a
question about.”
— Berke Breathed
“Wonderful.”
— Rudy Maxa
“Patrick Smith manages to demystify the experience and remind us of
the magic of aviation. Also he has a great sense of humor— which is
critical when you are wedged into seat 14D on a regional jet.”
— Chris Bohjalian, author of The Night Strangers and Midwives
“Patrick Smith doesn’t just know everything about air travel, he
possesses a rare knack for explaining it in lucid and witty prose.”
— Barbara Peterson, Condé Nast Traveler
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COCKPIT
CONFIDENTIAL
EVERYTHING YOU
NEED TO KNOW ABOUT
AIR TRAVEL
Questions, Answers & Reflections
PATRICK SMITH
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Copyright © 2013, 2018 by Patrick Smith
Cover and internal design © 2013, 2018 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design by Krista Joy Johnson/Sourcebooks, Inc.
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic
or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—e xcept in the
case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—w ithout permission in
writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.
All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trade-
marks, or trade names of their respective holders. Sourcebooks, Inc. is not associated with
any product or vendor in this book.
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard
to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not
engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or
other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should
be sought.— From a Declaration of Principles Jointly Adopted by a Committee of the American
Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations
Published by Sourcebooks, Inc.
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60563- 4410
(630) 961- 3900
Fax: [phone]
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Originally published in 2013 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Smith, Patrick
Cockpit confidential : everything you need to know about air travel : questions, answers,
and reflections / Patrick Smith.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references.
(paperback : alkaline paper) 1. Air travel--Miscellanea. 2. Airplanes--Piloting--
Miscellanea. 3. Aeronautics, Commercial--Miscellanea. 4. Airlines--Miscellanea. I.
Title.
HE9776.S584 2013
387.7--dc23
2013001395
Printed and bound in the United States of America.
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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Contents
Author’s Notes and Acknowledgments ix
Introduction: The Painter’s Brush xi
1. Plane Truth: Things about Wings and Why Knots 1
Airfoiled: how huge airplanes stay aloft • But isn’t it more compli-
cated? • On speed: what the hell is a knot? • A primer on parts • What
are those upturned wingtips for? • What are those canoe-s haped pods
under the wings? • Can a jetliner perform aerobatics? • How does a
jet engine work? • What’s a turboprop? • What is that hole under the
tail? • Do planes run their engines at the gate? • How much does a
jetliner cost? • Boeing v. Airbus: which is better and safer? • Which
planes will get me there fastest? • Which have the longest range? •
How much does a jetliner weigh? • When it’s too hot to fly • Contrails
The Airplane in Art, Music, and Film 15
2. Elements of Unease: Turbulence, Wind Shear,
Weather, and Worry 21
High Art: History, Hype, and the World’s Biggest Planes 21
What Plane Is That? An Air Fleet Primer 28
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Cockpit Confidential
Turbulence: everything you need to know • Wake turbulence • What’s
that trail of mist coming from the wing? • What is wind shear? •
Engine stalls • Can we glide to a landing? • Pressurization: facts and
fallacies • Regional jets: are they safe? • How much fuel is on board? •
Why and when do pilots jettison fuel? • Lightning: facts and fallacies
• Oh my god, there’s duct tape on my plane • Air traffic: how close
is too close? • When metal meets feather • Icing and deicing • The
truth about toilet water • Broken parts and maintenance protocols •
Preflight inspections • Geriatric jets • Lasers and drones
Revere Reverie: A Hometown Memoir 59
3. What Goes Up…: Takeoffs, Landings,
and the Mysterious Between 63
What’s the Matter with Airports? 63
Preflight preparations • Why do planes take off into the wind? •
Why do we bounce, bump, and jig during climb? • Engine failure on
takeoff • The climbout cutback • How fast are we going at takeoff
and touchdown? • Runway numbers • Challenging airports • Aborted
landings: everything you need to know • Instrument approaches •
Why do some pilots land more smoothly than others? • Reverse
thrust • What’s that sudden roar all about? • The nuts and bolts of
weather delays • Four bad ideas to fix congestion • An ATC primer:
how pilots communicate en route • Navigation basics: BLOWN,
BAABY, and LAYED • Why do flights to Europe travel so far
north? • FUK, DAM, HEL: those mysterious airport codes
Air Travel and the Environment 97
4. Flying for a Living: The Awe and Odd of a Life Aloft 103
The Right Seat: Propellers, Polyester, and Other Memories 103
vi
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Contents
Captain, copilot, first officer? Who are these people? • Becoming an
airline pilot • Training: everything you need to know • Pilot salaries,
truth and fiction • The seniority system blues • Pilot shortage: the real
story • Regional pilots: are they safe? • What about discount airline
and cargo pilots? • A pilot’s schedule and the cross-c ountry shuffle •
This is your captain sleeping: the menace of fatigue • Women and
minorities • The truth about cockpit automation • Captain Sully:
heroics or hype? • Pilots and alcohol • Depression and mental health
• Those fancy watches and mysterious black bags • Cockpit cuisine:
first-class fare and ramen noodles • Flying naked? • Globetrodden:
pilot perks and the yin and yang of travel
Accommodations: On the Road with Patrick Smith 154
5. En Route: Life in the Cabin 159
North Latitude: Fear and Loathing on the High Atlantic 159
Window shades, tray tables, and seat backs • The barking dog:
strange noises on the Airbus • The facts and fallacies of cabin air • Do
pilots tinker with the oxygen levels? • AC • Opening an exit during
flight • Why are the windows so small? • The glorious glory • Dogs
and cats below • The story on cell phones and PEDs • Those damn
dings • Listening in on cockpit chatter • Public address madness and
the babble of the safety briefing • Class struggles: first, business,
economy, and beyond • The trials and tribulations of boarding and
how to make it better • A round of applause
Looking Out: Memorable Views from Aloft 191
6. …Must Come Down: Disasters, Mishaps,
and Fatuous Flights of Fancy 197
Terminal Madness: What Is Airport Security? 197
vii
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Cockpit Confidential
The Ten Deadliest Air Disasters of All Time 218
The Day of the Cockroach 237
Fear and reason: encouragement for nervous flyers • What pilots
dread • Emergencies, real and imagined • Where airlines fear to
tread • The ten worst disasters of all time • Foreign airline safety •
The myth of the Immaculate Qantas • Budget carrier safety • Flight
and punishment • Exploding tires and other nightmares • Could a
nonpilot land a jetliner? • The truth about midair collisions • Runway
congestion: cause for alarm? • Shoulder-f ired missiles • “Soft walls”
and other hooey • Conspiracy Nation
We Gaan: The Horror and Absurdity of History’s
Worst Plane Crash 244
7. The Airlines We Love to Hate 255
The Yin and Yang of Airline Identity 255
Service woes: taking on the world • Why are airlines such terrible
communicators? • Which are the largest carriers? • The upside for
consumers: routes and fares • Airfares à la carte: the pros and cons of
unbundling • Tarmac delays and the “Passenger Bill of Rights” • The
magic mojo of Southwest Airlines • Which are the oldest airlines?
• Code- share confusion • Where do flight numbers come from? •
Red- eye rationale: why do flights to Europe always go at night? • Size
matters: big planes on short hauls • The longest hauls • The poetry
of airliner names
How to Speak Airline: A Glossary for Travelers 301
Index 309
About the Author 320
viii
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Author’s Notes
and Acknowledgments
Cockpit Confidential was first published in 2013. In this second edi-
tion, the contents have been significantly refreshed and updated. I’d
estimate about 20 percent of the material is new. As in the original
version, I have done my best to ensure long-t erm timeliness of the
information. However, please bear in mind that commercial aviation
is a landscape— or skyscape if you’d rather— of ever- shifting facts and
statistics: airlines come and go; planes are bought and sold; routes are
swapped and dropped; now and then comes a tragedy. I apologize in
advance for any portions that— thanks to an industry that never stays
still— are in any way no longer accurate.
Special thanks to my agent, Sophia Seidner, and to Shana Drehs
at Sourcebooks. Logistical, proofreading, and creative support was
provided by Julia Petipas. Acoustic accompaniments by Bob Mould,
Grant Hart, Greg Norton, and the Jazz Butcher Conspiracy.
All thoughts and opinions herein are the author’s own and do not
necessarily reflect those of any airline, agency, or entity.
For further information, questions, and additional reading, please
visit www.askthepilot.com.
Patrick Smith
Somerville, Massachusetts
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