Table Of ContentAdvanceAcclaim for
Chasing the High
‘‘ChasingtheHighisanexcellentresourceonsubstanceabuseforadolescentsand
their families. Keegan’s personal story captures the experience of addiction and
recovery in a compelling manner. The authors even make the neurobiology of
addictionclearandaccessible.Itisdifficulttofindgoodresourcesaboutaddictive
drugsforadolescentsandthisbookfillsthegap.’’
–CharlesDackis,M.D.,
Director,CharlesO’BrienCenterforAddictionTreatment,
UniversityofPennsylvania
‘‘Chasing the High is honest and intense, yet also extremely informative. Kyle
Keegan has written a brave cautionary tale that takes his readers deep inside the
bellyofaddiction.Thisbookspeakstoanyonewhohaseverfeltthedeadlygripof
drugsandalcoholtakehold,butalsotothosewhohavewatchedsomeonetheylove
disappearintoadarkcloudofchemicals.BravotoKyleforhavingthecourageto
sharehispainfulandinspiringstorywiththeworld.’’
–LynnMarieSmith,authorofRollingAway:MyAgonywithEcstasy
‘‘Whiletheperilsofaddictionareoftenlostindetaileddata,thereremainsalacuna
ofinformationonthepersonaltollsofsubstanceabuse.InChasingtheHighweare
givenanintriguingandverypersonalsnapshotoftheinitiation,maintenance,and
subsequent battling of severe chemical dependency—intermixed with factual and
useful information about addictions. Along with the author, we experience the
tribulationsoftheaddiction—fromthecrashestotheeuphoriatotherehabilitation
andoptimismofexperiencinglifewithoutdrugs.ChasingtheHighprovidesaunique
insideperspectiveonaddictionthatisoftenlostinacademictexts.’’
–TimothyE.Wilens,M.D.,
MassachusettsGeneralHospital&HarvardMedicalSchool
‘‘ChasingtheHighbyKeeganandMossisawonderfulfirst-handaccountofayoung
person’sdevelopmentofaddiction.Withpowerfuldescriptionsoftheeventsthat
ledtodruguse,abuse,andaddictiontheauthorssucceedinweavingaprimeron
addictionwithinthedevelopingsaga.Engagingandeasytoread,thisbookshould
beanenormoushelpforthoseindividualsandfamiliesstrugglingwiththisdisorder
to understand addiction. Particularly poignant for this researcher is the repeated
focusonthe‘darkside’ofaddiction.Theauthorstates,‘Infact,you’retakingdrugs
nownotsomuchtofeelgoodastokeepfromfeelingbad.’Theauthorsillustrateso
clearlythatseekingdrugstofillemotionalholescreatesevenbiggeremotionalholes
thatinturnneedtobefilled.Thisphenomenonisthecorefeatureofaddiction.’’
–GeorgeF.Koob,Ph.D.,
Professor,CommitteeontheNeurobiologyofAddictiveDisorders,
TheScrippsResearchInstitute
The Annenberg Foundation Trust at Sunnylands’
AdolescentMental Health Initiative
PatrickE. Jamieson,Ph.D.,series editor
Otherbooksintheseries
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CaitIrwin,withDwightL.Evans,M.D.,andLindaWasmerAndrews
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EightStoriesUp:AnAdolescentChoosesHopeOverSuicide
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Forparentsandotheradults
IfYourAdolescentHasDepressionorBipolarDisorder
DwightL.Evans,M.D.,andLindaWasmerAndrews
IfYourAdolescentHasanEatingDisorder
B.TimothyWalsh,M.D.,andV.L.Cameron
IfYourAdolescentHasanAnxietyDisorder
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RaquelE.Gur,M.D.,Ph.D.,andAnnBradenJohnson,Ph.D.
Chasing the High
A Firsthand Account of One
Young Person’s Experience
With Substance Abuse
Kyle Keegan
with Howard B. Moss, M.D.
The Annenberg FoundationTrust atSunnylands’
AdolescentMentalHealth Initiative
1
2008
1
OxfordUniversityPress,Inc.,publishesworksthatfurther
OxfordUniversity’sobjectiveofexcellence
inresearch,scholarship,andeducation.
TheAnnenbergFoundationTrustatSunnylands
TheAnnenbergPublicPolicyCenteroftheUniversityofPennsylvania
OxfordUniversityPress
Oxford NewYork
Auckland CapeTown DaresSalaam HongKong Karachi
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Withofficesin
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Copyright#2008byOxfordUniversityPress,Inc.
PublishedbyOxfordUniversityPress,Inc.
198MadisonAvenue,NewYork,NewYork10016
www.oup.com
OxfordisaregisteredtrademarkofOxfordUniversityPress
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,
storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmitted,inanyformorbyanymeans,
electronic,mechanical,photocopying,recording,orotherwise,
withoutthepriorpermissionofOxfordUniversityPress.
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Keegan,Kyle,1975-
Chasingthehigh:afirsthandaccountofoneyoungperson’sexperience
withsubstanceabuse/byKyleKeegan,withHowardB.Moss.
p.cm.—(Adolescentmentalhealthinitiative)
Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.
ISBN-13:978-0-19-531471-7(cloth)
ISBN-13:978-0-19-531472-4(pbk)
1. Keegan,Kyle,1975- 2. Substanceabuse–UnitedStates—Biography.
3. Recoveringaddicts—UnitedStates—Biography. I. Moss,Howard. II. Title.
HV5805.K42A32008
616.86092—dc22 2007035423
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
onacid-freepaper
Contents
Foreword ix
Preface xiii
The History Behind Chasingthe High xiv
What to Expect From This Book xv
One
Crash and Rescue 3
Above the City, SteepedinMisery 4
Back From the Edge 7
SubstanceAbuse and Addiction Defined 8
AddictionIs a Disease 11
AHellish Journey 12
Two
The Early Days of Using 15
My Not-So-Shady Past 15
AForbiddenSip 17
OnePuff Leads toAnother 20
My UncertainFuture 23
Heroin 25
ARite of Passage Versus the Slippery Slope to Addiction 27
vi Contents
The Ride DownThat Slope 30
WhoBecomes Addicted, Who Does Not, and Why? 33
Three
The Noose Tightens 46
AMomentof Truth, and Then Denial 46
First Shotat Detoxification 49
Learningthe Life of an Addict 51
DesperateMoves 53
Returningto an Unfamiliar Home 56
‘‘ThisIs Your Brain on Drugs’’ 59
Different Typesof Drugsof Abuse 73
Four
Trying to Get Help 91
Overconfidence and Denial: DoNot Mix 92
AMinor Arrest 94
AMajor Arrest 96
Up, Down, Up, Down—The Saga of AddictionContinues 98
ACrucialTurning Point 99
SubstanceAbuse Treatment: What to Expect 101
Treatmentof Co-occurring Mental Disorders 118
Five
Recovery 122
What DoesRecoveryMean for You? 124
If aRelapse Occurs... 136
Six
Looking Back, Looking Ahead 138
‘‘Real’’ Recovery Is WhateverWorks forUs 139
Frequently Asked Questions 141
Glossary 149
Contents vii
Resources 153
Bibliography 159
Index 161
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Foreword
The Adolescent Mental Health Initiative (AMHI) was
created by The Annenberg Foundation Trust at Sunny-
lands to share with mental health professionals, parents, and
adolescents the advances in treatment and prevention now
available to adolescents with mental health disorders. The
Initiative was made possible by the generosity and vision of
Ambassadors Walterand Leonore Annenberg, andtheproject
was administered through the Annenberg Public Policy Cen-
ter of the University of Pennsylvania in partnership with
Oxford University Press.
The Initiative began in 2003 with the convening, in Phi-
ladelphiaandNewYork,ofsevenscholarlycommissionsmade
up of over 150 leading psychiatrists and psychologists from
around the country. Chaired by Drs. Edna B. Foa, Dwight L.
Evans, B. Timothy Walsh, Martin E. P. Seligman, Raquel E.
Gur, Charles P. O’Brien, and Herbert Hendin, these com-
missions were tasked with assessing the state of scientific re-
search on the prevalent mental disorders whose onset occurs
predominantlybetweentheagesof10and22.Theircollective
ix
