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The sponsoring editor is Bruce Moran and the production supervisor is Corby R. Tate.
Disclaimer Notice:
Judgments as to the suitability of the information herein for purchaser's purposes
are necessarily the purchaser's responsibility.
Judy H. Wright, Artichoke Press, LLC and TotalRecall Publications, Inc. extend no
warranties, make no representations, and assume no responsibility as to the
accuracy or suitability of such information for application to the purchaser's
intended purposes or for consequences of its use.
This book is dedicated to the staff
because, all I have ever wanted in life is;
1. Children who do what I ask the first time
2. Computers that never crash
3. Cars that start when you turn the key
4. Hair that always looks good
1 out of 4 is not bad odds
“Kind words can be short and easy to speak,
but their echoes are truly endless.”
-Mother Teresa
About the Author
Judy is a parent educator, family coach, and personal historian who
has written more than 20 books, hundreds of articles and speaks
internationally on family issues, including end of life. She works
with Head Start organizations and child care resource centers.
The symbol of the artichoke has great meaning for Judy in her
teaching and writing. As she works with families, she sees that
frequently only the outer edges are exposed and they can be prickly
and sometimes bitter to the taste. But, as you expose the artichoke
and people to warmth, caring, and time, gradually the leaves begin
to open and expose the real treasure—the heart.
The artichoke also became a teaching lesson when Judy, with her
young family, moved into military housing in California to find
Artichokes in their yard. Given that it takes two years for the
vegetable to flower, the original gardener never got to see the seeds of her labor. Many times, our
actions and reactions in life are felt by people we will never meet, but we plant the seeds of
kindness anyway.
You will enjoy Judy's approachable manner, wonderful storytelling and common-sense solutions
gleaned from working with hundreds of families and organizations just like yours. Your encounter
with Judy will leave you feeling inspired, entertained and especially motivated.
Grab a cup of tea and enjoy the next few minutes discovering ideas and tips that will bring an
abundance of meaningful experiences and relationships into your life. Many of the suggestions
and exercises are written for parents to use in building stronger relationships with their child.
They have been tested in years of parent education. Parents and caring adults will make sacrifices
of time, treasure, and talent to insure happiness and well being for children, but will not do the
same for themselves! They will persevere in a course of action if they can see that the end result
will be a stronger, more confident child. Sometimes they forget that the most effective teaching
method is to model behavior. Do it for them and their future.
For a full list of Judy’s books, classes, and workshops visit her website:
http://www.artichokepress.com
About the Book
Words can be deadly weapons or protective layers of love. They can bruise and batter a person, no
matter how old, in the heart and spirit just like physical blows can cause damage to the outside of
the body. Because these bruises to the spirit are not readily apparent, many think that the damage
is easily repaired. However, while verbal abuse may be long forgotten or dismissed by the
offender, the words and memory are lodged in the cells and memory of the child or person who
was emotionally assaulted.
The fear of rejection stops many very talented and skilled people from achieving their full
potential in life. They become paralyzed by frustration, guilt and discouragement, hoping and
praying that someone will have the key to open the potential that is being held captive in their
mind. Building Self Confidence With Encouraging Words will unlock your potential and open the
door of success, happiness and more nurturing relationships! You will learn:
How to ask for what you want
How your core belief system came to be
Why self-confidence is a learned skill
How to use positive self-talk
How to correct others in a supportive way
Why communication is more than just words
How to set boundaries and build respectful relationships
How to appreciate and acknowledge success
You may want to have your journal or blank book nearby as you answer the questions. You can
also copy and paste this into a Word document that will allow you to write on the manuscript. You
may also want to have a hand mirror handy for a couple of the exercises.
PS: The typos and grammatical errors are deliberate! I want you to know, and believe me when I
tell you, that you don’t need to be perfect. Not everything needs to be a work of art. It is okay to
make mistakes. It does not make you a bad person, only a bad speller.
Disclaimer
Please use this book as a guide and suggestions, not as medical advice. If you
are concerned about some aspect of your child's development, or your own
mental health, please seek professional help. The author is not a medical doctor,
psychologist or licensed counselor. The letters behind her name are WWWW,
which stands for Wise, Warm, and Witty Woman. However, she has also earned a
degree from the Been-There- Done- That School of Life.
You will feel safe and supported with Judy in your corner. While spiritual
concepts may be referred to or suggested no religion, creed or tradition is put
forward as having the answers for everyone. Each person must discover their own
path and learn to live in harmony with the inner prompting of the spirit as well as
the other people in the world around them.
The information given in this book and other articles is meant to empower the
reader. While we hope you will read and use the information, it is your decision
when, how and if you want to change your thoughts and actions. The goal is to
encourage new ways to establish and maintain mutually respectful and loving
relationships.
No part of this book may be used in a teaching situation without giving full
credit to the author. No part of this book may be copied without permission from
the author and publisher.
Table of Contents
About the Author ........................................................................................................................ IV
About the Book ........................................................................................................................... V
Disclaimer .................................................................................................................................. VI
Chapter 1: Maximize the Benefit of this Book 1
Learning Occurs in Layers .......................................................................................................... 3
It is your message and your journey. I am only the Messenger and companion on the trip ..... 5
Choose to see possibilities and people in a new way ................................................................ 6
Yes, You Are a Teacher ............................................................................................................. 7
Teach yourself: ........................................................................................................................... 8
What was a pivotal point in your confidence development? ..................................................... 10
Chapter 2: Self-Confidence is a Learned Skill 15
Being Positive, Grateful, and Confident is a Skill .................................................................... 15
Why Do You Want to Build Confidence? .................................................................................. 17
What’s in it for me? ................................................................................................................... 18
Keep Asking Why and Why Not ................................................................................................ 19
Most of us never reach our full potential because of our fear of taking chances. .................... 20
What is holding you back? ........................................................................................................ 20
Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes. Learn from them and move on. ...................... 22
Characteristics of Low Self-Confidence .................................................................................... 24
Characteristics of High Self-Confidence ................................................................................... 26
Phrases to Build Confidence .................................................................................................... 28
We Create Our Own Reality ..................................................................................................... 30
If you don’t value yourself you will attract people who don’t value you either! ......................... 31
Mental Obstacles to Confidence ............................................................................................... 32
We Are Hardwired For Success ............................................................................................... 34
Your Mind, Spirit, and Inner Guidance Want You to Succeed ................................................. 35
The Three Most Negative Words in Language: Don't, Not, and No .................................. 36
So, What Do I Really Want? ..................................................................................................... 39
Ask for what you want. .............................................................................................................. 40
The Three Most Positive Words ............................................................................................... 41
Chapter 3: Positive Action Follows Positive Thought 47
What is The Law of Attraction? ................................................................................................. 47
Subconscious Beliefs and Your Confidence ............................................................................. 49
Positive Affirmations and Replacement Statements ................................................................. 50
Explanations Not Excuses ........................................................................................................ 50
The Truth As We Believe It ....................................................................................................... 52
Every Time versus Some Times ............................................................................................... 53
High Performers Choose What They Believe ........................................................................... 54
Facts and Beliefs ...................................................................................................................... 55
Self-Talk .................................................................................................................................... 56
Your Core Beliefs ...................................................................................................................... 58
Why, What is the Cause of That? ............................................................................................. 61
Chapter 4: Communication is More Than Just Words 63
Same Words, Different Message .............................................................................................. 63
Situations that you observe or react to by just saying "Oh" ...................................................... 64
Now try it using the words “Ahh” or “Wow” ............................................................................... 65
Learning Empathy ..................................................................................................................... 65
Difference between Empathy and Pity ...................................................................................... 66
Reading Signals Others Send Out ............................................................................................ 67
Are you reacting to what you think they are saying? ................................................................ 69
Smile! ........................................................................................................................................ 70
Explore Your Magnificence ....................................................................................................... 70
Communication is more Than Just Talking ............................................................................... 72
No Shame or Blame .................................................................................................................. 74
Chapter 5: Building Respectful Relationships 79
The Five Things That Matter in a Communication .................................................................... 79
Analyze a Recent Conversation ............................................................................................... 84
Attracting a Positive Reaction ................................................................................................... 85
When is it Verbal Abuse? ......................................................................................................... 87
Responding to Verbal Abuse .................................................................................................... 88
Toxic vs. Nurturing Messages .................................................................................................. 89
Setting Boundaries in Relationships ......................................................................................... 90
Boundaries are Valuable! ......................................................................................................... 91
Top Ten Tips for Setting Boundaries ........................................................................................ 92
Four-Step Model for Setting Boundaries .................................................................................. 95
What Boundary Would You Like to Establish? ......................................................................... 96
Be a “Good Finder” Not a “Fault Finder” ................................................................................... 98
Chapter 6: Encouragement is a Gift of Courage 103
Give a Gift of Courage ............................................................................................................ 103
Encouragement or Discouragement of Ourselves .................................................................. 104
Looking for the Gold in the Rocks ........................................................................................... 107
Next Time and Up Until Now .................................................................................................. 108
Home, a Safe Harbor .............................................................................................................. 109
Put Down vs. Pull Up Messages ............................................................................................. 111
Powerful Positive Phrases that Promote Confidence and Cooperation ................................ 112
Empowerment ......................................................................................................................... 114
Chapter 7: Correcting Others in a Supportive Way 119
Perfection Paralyzes ............................................................................................................... 119
Excellence is achievable. Perfection is not. ............................................................................ 120
Who owns the problem? ......................................................................................................... 121
Triangle of Conflict Resolution ................................................................................................ 123
Building Confidence with an Encouragement Sandwich ........................................................ 124
Life is Not a Win-Lose Choice ................................................................................................ 126
Help people reach their full potential. ..................................................................................... 127
Chapter 8: Nurturing Children with Love and Respect 131
Input: Negative or Positive ...................................................................................................... 131
Raising a Resilient Bounce-Back Kid ..................................................................................... 133
Help them be Problem-Solvers ............................................................................................... 134
Help Children to be Optimistic about the Future ..................................................................... 134
One does by trying. One succeeds by doing .......................................................................... 135
Teaching Children Responsibility ........................................................................................... 136
Two-step process .................................................................................................................... 137
Competent Children Become Confident Adults ...................................................................... 138
Criticism is Punitive ................................................................................................................. 139
Encouragement is Uplifting ..................................................................................................... 140
Nurturing Better Behavior ....................................................................................................... 141
Attention is the Greatest Gift ................................................................................................... 142
Build Confidence, Not Fear ..................................................................................................... 143
A good code of conduct to remember: .................................................................................... 145
Everyone Deserves Do-Overs ................................................................................................ 146
Tell your family—Y.M.T.M.—You Matter To Me! .................................................................... 148
Chapter 9: Appreciate and Acknowledge Success 151
Acknowledge Success and Celebrate Accomplishment ......................................................... 151
Three Success Principles ....................................................................................................... 153
Behavior Change in Children .................................................................................................. 156
Unbelievable Praise is Different than Encouragement ........................................................... 157
You cannot help a person uphill without getting closer to the top yourself. ............................ 158
Accepting Praise and Encouragement ................................................................................... 160
Chapter 10: Too Many Metaphors, Too Much Work: I Wanted a Quick Answer! 163
Where are the Gifts? ............................................................................................................... 165
Tears Are the Mortar between the Stones .............................................................................. 165
This is Hard Work and Takes Time ........................................................................................ 166
A Different You with A Different View ..................................................................................... 166
Building Your Confidence ....................................................................................................... 167
Always Be In The Process of Becoming ................................................................................. 167
A Recession or Adversity Will Bring You Opportunities ......................................................... 167
The Future is Bright and So Are You ...................................................................................... 168
