Table Of ContentBOUND
TO BE FREE
CHARLES MOSER, Ph.D., M.D.
AND JJ MADESON
BOUND
TO BE FREE
The SM Experience
CONTINUUM .,. NEW YORK
2000
The Continuum Publishing Company
370 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY 10017
Copyright IC> 1996 by Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D. and JJ Madeson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form,
or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of
The Continuum Publishing Company.
Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Moser, Charles, Dr.
Bound to be free : the SM experience / Charles Moser, JJ Madeson.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN.0-8264-1047-2 (pbk.l lalk. paper!
1. Sadomasochism-Case studies. 2. Sexual deviation-Case
studies. 3. Sex IPsychology)-Case studies. I. Madeson, J. J.
II. Title.
HQ79.M67 1998
306.77'5-dc20 95-44572
CIP
Acknowledgments will be found on page 211,
which constitutes an extension of the copyright page.
To Andy, for opening the door;
To Gabe, for helping me through it;
And to Bobby-always to Bobby-
for making the past, the present and the future
a Wonderful, Exciting, Love-Filled Adventure,
And to the Bay Area SM Community:
I hope we've "done you proud."
And to Michael: I miss you.
JJ
Some ... may dress in leather; these and others
may play with it. But leather is no affectation;
it is an expression of the soul.
Geoff Mains
Urban Aboriginals
Our sexual energy is literally our life force
at its rawest-no shields, no disguises,
no polite mistaking it for something else.
This is especially true with SM. Sexuality is energy
as tangible as that which turns the earth.
SAMOI S
Coming to Power
Contents
Preface 11
PART I ..,. THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
Introduction: Dr. Moser 19
1. Definition 21
2. What Do We Know about Sadomasochism? 34
3. The SM Individual: Who Are Those Guys Anyway 39
PART II ..,. BEYOND THE LOOKING GLASS
Introduction: Tl's Story-Welcome to My World 47
4. Getting There: Down the Yellow Brick Road 55
5. Building Blocks: Trust and Consent 67
6. Why on Earth Do We Do This Stuff? 72
7. Roles: To Have or Be Had: That Is the Question 80
GRANT'S TALE 80
8. The Nuts and Bolts of Whips and Chains 115
9. Pain: An Exquisite Agony 145
10. Meeting Others: We're Not in Kansas Anymore. Toto! 158
11. SM, Politics, and the Law 1-86
12. The Downside of the Dark Side 194
Odds and Ends 204
Notes 206
Acknowledgments 211
Preface
This book is written to explain and demystify the world of
sadomasochism (SM). It is neither political statement nor scientific
research. It is, rather, an intelligent, fully informed, fact-based discus
sion of what SM is, what it means to its practitioners, how it is practiced
and the structure of its subculture in contemporary American society.
Serious books about SM in today's culture are rare, and it is no
surprise that myths and misinformation abound. With few exceptions,
previous works have presented only the viewpoints of outside observers
such as psychologists or sociologists: in other words, outsiders looking
in. Like all sexual behavior, however, SM is far more than it seems,
encompassing an enormous spectrum of physiological and psychologi
cal mechanisms. By its reliance only on observed behavior, the out
sider's view has consistently led to misconceptions and patently false
interpretations of SM behavior.
This book moves beyond the superficial and the inherently mis
leading, focusing on actual SM behavior by fully integrating the exter
nal view of the academic with the internal view of the SM practitioner.
JJ Madeson has been an active participant in the SM subculture for
fifteen years, and a frequent lecturer on the subject before academic
and nonacademic groups; Dr. Charles Moser is a physician, sexologist,
licensed clinical social worker, and respected academic researcher
specializing in the study of sadomasochism. By collaborating, we
have attempted to provide a point of view that is uniquely accurate,
sensitive, and fair in its depiction and interpretation of erotic
sadomasochism.
12 "' PREFACE
In candor and fairness to the reader, we state our belief that human
sexuality is positive, and that a very wide spectrum of sexual tastes
and desires is normal: Sex is okay. SM is okay. Despite the rampant
myths and lurid press that surround sadomasochism, nothing in our
collective research, clinical practice or personal experience has con
vinced us that there is anything inherently wrong, immoral or un
healthy about this mode of sexual expression.
While we will briefly discuss the history behind the perception of
SM as an illness or a "deviation," our view is that SM represents nothing
more than one choice from the vast menu of sexual possibilities. It
is, for the overwhelming majority of its practitioners, a loving sexual
option. Done responsibly, it is as safe and as pleasurable as any other
sexual activity. There are "breast men" and "leg men"; there are
women who are turned on by men's buttocks, their hands or their eyes.
Likewise, there are people who are turned on by SM. It is that simple.
Our purpose is to guide the reader toward a clearer understanding
of the realities of sadomasochism, because we believe there are natural
curiosities about the topic, because fear of SM is unnecessary and
because the only way to alleviate such fear is through education.
To understand our subject matter, you will need t() suspend your
preconceptions about SM-or be willing, at least, to question them.
Even if you have seen SM behavior in movies, or read about it in books
or magazines, be aware that these portrayals are often misleading; the
physical activities taking place are only part of the experience. As
important are the psychological and emotional components of SM
sexuality that cannot be fully or accurately depicted on film or in
literature, and virtually none has even attempted to do so. Rather, we
ask the reader to look through the eyes of knowledgeable observers
and participants to see the deeper love and tenderness inherent in SM
play- because SM is about love, sex, tenderness, trust and respect.
Everything within an SM exchange is done with the intent of pro
ducing physical or emotional pleasure.1
We do not speak officially for the SM community, but we believe
that the majority of that community will agree with the observations
and perceptions we present here. In fact, the experiences and emotions
described in the following pages are gathered from those in the SM
community- acquaintances, clients, friends and lovers. While we have
altered some details and deleted all names to preserve their privacy,
the substance of their comments and views has not been changed.
PREFACE "' 13
Part I of this book (Chapters 1-3) is the work of Dr. Charles Moser,
based on his extensive research and clinical experience-plus the inval
uable insight provided by JJ Madeson as an SM participant. In Part I,
the term we refers to both the authors.
Part II !Chapters 4-12) was authored by IT Madeson and expresses
the views and experiences in her fifteen-year odyssey of discovery,
expression and acceptance of her own erotic SM sexuality. As co
author, Dr. Moser provided critical perspective and a scientist's disci
pline to the work in this section. Part II thus represents JJ's intensely
personal account, and the word "we" in the balance of this book refers
to herself and to the members of the SM community who have sup
ported and contributed to her effort.
Throughout this book, indented text indicates that an outside source
has been quoted. Quotes from published scholarly literature are attrib
uted to the author in the text, and a full reference to the published
work is provided at the end of the book. We have also provided extensive
quotes from private writings and newsletters published by and for the
SM community which are also fully attributed in the endnotes. When
the qur ·~ed material is excerpted from interviews and conversations
with S1A practitioners, however, we have not identified the source by
name, gender or primary sexual orientation. As you will discover, men
and women, heterosexuals, homosexuals and bisexuals, singles and
couples, young and old, experience heartfelt feelings in relation to their
dominant or submissive roles and the sadomasochistic lifestyle.
We need to add one caveat before we begin: Although it is by no
means our goal to proselytize, there may be some readers who find a
personal attraction to the SM world or to some of the activities dis
cussed. Please be careful: SM can be dangerous or abusive in the hands
of novices or pathological personalities. We would urge you to contact
an SM group in your area, or you may get in touch with us care of
our publisher.
We hope that by the time you, the reader, close this book, you will
be far more knowledgeable about the real world of erotic SM. Whether
or not you approve, you will have gained insight and expanded your
horizons. In this, we commend you for your courage.
LOVE LETTERS
The following letters are reprinted with the perm1ss10n of Dun
geonMaster magazine, a gay SM publication. These letters appeared in
the January 1985 issue.
