Biblical guidelines for the counselling of pastors in the Bluff area, on Divorce and Remarriage with

157 Pages·2007·0.62 MB·English

Biblical guidelines for the counselling of pastors in the
Bluff area, Durban on Divorce and Remarriage with
special reference to Matthew 19:1-10

by

CHRISTO ANDRE (Dickie) DU PLESSIS

Submitted in accordance with the requirements
for the degree

MASTER OF THEOLOGY

In the subject

PRACTICAL THEOLOGY

at the

SOUTH AFRICAN THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY

SUPERVISOR: DOCTOR NOEL BEAUMONT WOODBRIDGE

September 2006

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My gratitude and sincere thanks to the following precious people that have had
impact on my life during this part of my studies:
To my divine teacher the Holy Spirit, I would like to thank You for all the
imparted insight, revelation and knowledge during this thesis. At times the
questions became hard to answer, but above all You remained faithful.
To my precious wife, Anette, and my lovely daughters, Cherece and
Gisele, thank you for releasing me to complete this thesis. I love you all and
remember the rewards will be there when we go home one day. Your loyalty will
strengthen many couples in there marriages. Hopefully the contents will change
many mind-sets and my prayers are that the guidance afforded to the Church,
will be openly received.
To my late parents that throughout my life showed determination and
commitment to each other, with a record 50-year plus marriage. Well done to
you both. I will always treasure the wisdom and advice you shared with my
family and I.
To my supervisor, Dr Noel B Woodbridge, who not only gave constant
encouragement and direction, but also became a wonderful friend. I value your
advice and I have the deepest respect for the knowledge God has given you
and for the person you are.
To Nola, who I was privileged to meet during my studies, thank you for
your support and encouragement.
Thank you to the staff of the South African Theological Seminary and, in
particular, to my dear friend Mark Pretorius, who encouraged me all the way.
God’s richest blessings to you all!

CHRISTO A. (Dickie) DU PLESSIS

Durban
2006
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SUMMARY
This study is an attempt to provide Biblical guidelines for the counselling of
pastors in the Bluff area, Durban on Divorce and Remarriage with special
reference to Matthew 19:1-10.
An attempt is made to analyse and evaluate various Scriptures with
regard to Divorce. The original plan of God for the marriage covenant (Genesis
2:24) as life-long commitment is discussed and evaluated. Old Testament
Scriptures are also analysed for a deeper knowledge and understanding of the
marriage concept. In particular, attention is given to the key passage on Divorce
and Remarriage, namely, Deuteronomy 24:1-4.
In addition, key passages from the New Testament passages are dealt
with. In particular, the words of Jesus in Matthew 19:1-10 are analysed and
evaluated, utilising the original Greek words to ascertain their correct
significance and meaning. The specific words used by Jesus, “porneia” and
“moichao,” hold the key to the actual meaning of the passage. Paul’s teaching
in 1 Corinthians 7 is also analysed, and confirms Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 19.
In particular, Paul encourages the new Church to strive after these teachings,
as they confirm the will of God in the serious matter of divorce.
The study also consists of an empirical investigation into the pressure
points perceived by church leaders in the Bluff area, Durban, to be responsible
for the increase in divorce. The findings of the research indicate that the
churches in the Bluff area need to provide pastoral counselling, specifically in
the areas of Interpersonal issues, Spiritual issues and Ministry-related Issues.
Finally, the study proposes Biblical guidelines for understanding and
preventing marital problems and for counselling couples considering Divorce or
Remarriage. In particular, practical proposals are made regarding the hosting of
marriage enrichment workshops and seminars on effective communication.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION
1.1. Statement of the problem: Divorce and Remarriage amongst pastors 1
1.1.1. Background to the problem 1
1.1.2. The problem observed 2
1.1.2.1. Some possible causes of Divorce in today’s society 2
1.1.2.2. Statistics on the rate of Divorce and Remarriage today 3
1.1.3. Summary of the problem 5
1.2. Aims of the Study 6
1.3. Definition of relevant concepts 6
1.3.1. Marital concepts 6
1.3.2. Relevant concepts relating to the pastor 7
1.3.3. Christian counselling 7
1.3.4. Concepts relating to empirical research 7
1.3.5. A demographical profile of the Bluff area, Durban 8
1.4. Methodology 8
1.5. Literature review 9
CHAPTER 2: A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE ON THE DIVORCE AND
REMARRIAGE OF PASTORS WITH SPECIAL REFERENCE TO MATTHEW
19:1-12
2.1 Introduction 13
2.2 The Background of the passage 13
2.2.1 The Context of the passage 15
2.2.2 The historical context of the book of Matthew 15
2.2.2.1 The author and his overall purpose 16
2.2.2.2 The recipients and their historical circumstances 16
2.2.3 The setting of the passage 17
2.2.3.1 The setting of the text within the Gospels 17
2.2.3.2 Setting of the discourse in Matthew 19:1-2: Jesus’ ministry of
healing in Judea 19
2.3 The Pharisees’ first question and the Lord’s response 20
2.3.1 The Pharisees first question (Matthew 19:3) 20
2.3.1.1 The nature and motive of the question 21
2.3.1.2 The background for their question 22
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2.3.1.3 The nature of the test: Challenging Jesus to take sides 23
2.3.2 The Lord’s response (Matthew 19:4-6) 23
2.3.2.1 God’s original plan for marriage 25
2.3.2.2 The permanence of marriage 25
2.3.2.3 Analysis of significant words/phrases 26
2.3.2.4 The nature of the marriage union 29
2.3.2.5 The validity of God’s plan for marriage today 33
2.3.3 The follow-up question and the Lord’s response (Matthew 19:7-9)34
2.3.4 The follow-up question (Matthew 19:7) 34
2.3.4.1 The nature and motive of the question 35
2.3.4.2 The differences between Matthew 19:7 and Mark 10:3 36
2.3.4.3 The Pharisees’ misinterpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 37
2.3.5 The Lord’s response (Matthew 19:8-9) 41
2.3.5.1 Jesus rectifies their mistake concerning the Law of Moses 42
2.3.5.2 Jesus’ teaching on divorce 43
2.3.5.3 The nature of marriage as a Covenant relationship 49
2.3.5.4 The results of Fornication (Sexual Immorality) in the marriage 50
2.4 Jesus’ teaching on eunuchs and the disciple’s response 51
2.4.1 The disciple’s response to Jesus’ teaching 52
2.4.2 Jesus’ response to their statement 53
2.5 Paul’s teaching on Marriage and Divorce (1Corinthians 7:10-16) 54
2.5.1 Biblical instructions to married Believers 54
2.5.1.1 God’s instructions against divorce 55
2.5.1.2 Divorce in instances of desertion 55
2.5.1.3 The case of an unbelieving marriage partner 56
2.5.2 Paul’s teaching on Marriage and Church leadership 57
2.6 A Historical perspective: Divorce and Remarriage 61
2.6.1 The views of Tertullian on Divorce and Remarriage 61
2.6.2 Views found within the Evangelical-Reformed community regarding
Divorce and Remarriage 62
2.6.2.1 Views of Erasmus and Luther 62
2.6.2.2 Summary of the three basic Biblical views on Divorce and
Remarriage 62
2.9. Conclusion: Summary of findings of this Chapter 63
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CHAPTER 3: AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE PRESSURE POINTS
PERCEIVED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE INCREASE IN DIVORCE
CASES AMONGST CHURCH LEADERS IN THE BLUFF AREA, DURBAN
3.1. Introduction 67
3.2. Purpose of this Research 67
3.3. Research methodology (Data collection techniques) 68
3.3.1. Criteria and the Development of the Questionnaire 68
3.3.2. The Development of the Questionnaire 69
3.3.3. Appendices accompanying the Questionnaire 70
3.3.4. The Pilot study 70
3.4. Description of the empirical survey 71
3.4.1. Procedure 71
3.4.1.1. Administration of the questionnaire 71
3.4.1.2. Analysis of questionnaires 71
3.4.2. Sampling Method 72
3.4.3. Sampling size and response 72
3.4.3.1. Sampling size 72
3.4.3.2. Response 73
3.4.4. Gathering of survey data and analysing the contents to reach a
workable solution 74
3.5. Presentation of the data (Results and analysis) 75
3.5.1. Percentage of participating Church leaders 75
3.5.2. Biographical details of respondents 75
3.5.2.1. Gender 76
3.5.2.2. Marital status 77
3.5.2.3. Age 78
3.5.3. Findings on the six areas of pressure points 79
3.5.4. Rankings of the Top Ten Pressure Points 81
3.6. Themes related to the top ten pressure points 82
3.7. Key findings, conclusion, recommendations and further
research 87
3.7.1. Key findings 88
3.7.2. Conclusion 88
3.7.3. Recommendations 88
3.7.4. Further research 89
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CHAPTER 4: BIBLICAL GUIDELINES FOR COUNSELLING COUPLES ON
DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE: A PASTORAL PERSPECTIVE

4.1. Introduction 90
4.2 Divorce and Remarriage: a brief review 91
4.2.1 Findings from Matthew 19:1-10 91
4.2.2 When remarriage is not allowed 92
4.3 Understanding the main causes of marital problems 93
4.3.1 The main causes of divorce in the empirical study of Chapter 3 93
4.3.2 The main causes of divorce as identified by Gary Collins and others 94
4.3.2.1 Faulty Communication 94
4.3.2.2 Under-integrated or Over-integrated Relationships95
4.3.2.3 Interpersonal tension96
4.4 The prevention of marital problems in the context of the church 103
4.4.1 A prevention rationale 103
4.4.2 Prevention guidelines 104
4.4.3 Understanding Communication and Conflict resolution 105
4.4.4 A pre-marital counselling strategy 106
4.5 Pastoral counselling for couples with marital problems 113
4.5.1 Need for understanding the couple 113
4.5.2 A marital counselling strategy 116
4.6 Disciplinary procedures for couples considering divorce 119
4.6.1 Disciplinary guidelines 120
4.6.2 The local church’s responsibility 121
4.6.3 Guidelines for reconciliation 122
4.6.4 Formal disciplinary measures 122
4.7 Pastoral counselling for pastors/elders seeking remarriage 122
4.7.1 Understanding those seeking remarriage 123
4.7.2 Guidelines for remarriage 124
4.7.3 Congregational involvement 125
4.7.4 Practical considerations for those seeking remarriage 125
4.8 Pastoral counselling for children of divorced leaders 126
4.8.1 Understanding the children 126
4.8.2 Considerations for counselling the children if the parent is
seeking remarriage 128
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4.9 The church’s responsibility regarding the ordination of
divorced ministers 128
4.9.1 Remarried Christians can be ordained 129
4.9.1.1 Reasoning of 1Timothy 3:2 and Titus 1:6 129
4.9.1.2 Branded for life 130
4.9.2 Common reasons for refusal to ordain divorced ministers 131
4.10 Conclusion 131
CHAPTER 5: CONCLUSION
5.1. Summary of Research Findings 133
5.2. Contributions of the Findings to Practical Theology 136
5.3. Recommendations to the Church 136
APPENDICES
Appendix 1: Letter to Ministers from the researcher 138
Appendix 2: Letter from the Institution of Study 139
Appendix 3: Cover page of the Questionnaire 140
Appendix 4: Questionnaire Instruction cover sheet 141
Appendix 5: 30-part questionnaire 142
Appendix 6: Questionnaire on the top ten pressure points selected 143
Appendix 7: Data Capturing Form 145
Appendix 8: Profile of Pastors that participated in the survey 146
BIBLIOGRAPHY 148
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Chapter 1
Introduction
1.1 Statement of the problem: Divorce and Remarriage amongst pastors
1.5.1. Background to the problem.
A survey that was conducted in 1995, questioned five divorced American
pastors and the findings were documented. These five pastors were asked to
share their feelings, experiences, and views on the subject of divorce and the
ministry. Strauch (1995: 67) reveals that the; “Journal staff published the forum
because they believed the growing problem of divorce among ministers needed
to be faced openly and honestly.” The article also claimed that pastors were
third on the list on the highest divorce rate, exceeding medical doctors and
policemen.
Within the ranks of the Church, the social issue of divorce has become a
concern. Through deception, leaders are absorbed into the main stream of
worldly activities and then find they are caught-up into making careless
decisions without prior consultation for advice in order that restoration can be
achieved.
There seems to be a tendency amongst today’s pastors to ignore the
Biblical teaching on divorce and remarriage. It has been two thousand years,
since the Apostle Paul warned his readers concerning the dangers of Church
leaders basing their theology on what can be termed, “the traditions of men”
and worldly principles instead of basing it on the teachings of Scripture:
Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty
deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic
principles of the world, and not according to Christ (Col 2:8, NKJV).
It appears that the high rate of divorce amongst pastors is having a
serious effect on society in general, but particularly on those families and
churches that have been caught up in the nasty sting. No doubt the devastation
caused by divorce has a catastrophic effect on the performance of any person,
let alone the performance of a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For
example, it has been found that divorce causes emotional instability, fear,
frustration, anxiety, trauma, etc., which numbs the senses and leads to
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ineffective and poor leadership. Decisions that are made by divorced pastors
seem to be done carelessly and without thought or wisdom. This would naturally
have a devastating effect on their entire ministry (Eldredge 2002:35-84).
God is a God of love – Agape love, the type of love, which is sacrificial and
that has no boundaries (Eph 2:4; 1Jn 3:1). He seeks that mankind, and
especially His ministers should live in peace and harmony with all of those
people that He has entrusted into their care. In this regard, the most important
people in the pastor’s care are, firstly, his wife secondly, his children and then
his church members. In order to care for his flock properly, the pastor needs to
place God and His teachings first. This would enable him to make godly
decisions and to restore and live in harmony with others, something that God
earnestly seeks (Rom 12:16; 1Pet 3:8).
1.5.2. The problem observed
1.1.2.1. Some possible causes of Divorce in today’s society.
• Man’s general lack of sacrificial love toward others
Jesus’ disciples one day questioned Him as to the signs of His return to earth.
Jesus offered them one of the many signs to watch out for. “And because
lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold” (Mt 24:12, NKJV). The
phrase Jesus used, “the love of many will grow cold” aptly describes the state of
the world today and indicates how this prophecy is slowly being fulfilled. The
love that Jesus expects from His true believers is the type of love that does not
blame or point fingers, but it is the love (agape) that forgives, forgets and seeks
restoration (Gal 6:1). God detests sin (Prov 6:16), but has a tremendous amount
of love for the sinner (Jn 3:16). He enjoys it when mankind come to Him and
repent of their unjust acts. He also delights in restoring us to where He wants us
to be (2Pet 3:9).
• Man’s general selfishness and self-centredness.
Another feature of today’s society is man’s attitude of selfishness and self-
centredness, which has had a devastating affect on mankind’s general
approach to constructive decision-making. Man also displays a negative attitude
by placing himself at the centre of everything. This shows a lack of humility and
submission to God’s commands. Wherever the “I” is involved, pride is close to
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